The Great Escape

Everyone talks about running away in their teenage years, but that’s about all it is, just talk. We don’t really mean any of it. We’re too scared. We finally get to that wall, the edge of that horizon, and we back down, take back our empty threats. But Ryan had never made an empty threat. He was so violently passionate about truly taking life by storm and living every moment as loud as possible that he was blind, dumb and deaf to the mere idea of playing things safe.

So when he promised me we’d run away from the suburban life our parents had sucker punched us with, you can probably understand my concern since I knew better than not to believe him. And as unsurprised as I was when he snuck in through my bedroom window at 3:08 am, shaking me awake and telling me to grab some clothes because we were finally leaving, I found myself terrified. I was on the edge of something I knew was so much bigger than me. I couldn’t see Ryan’s clear, picture perfect, romanticized idea of what happened after this moment, after the sunrise.

My muddled brain saw cop cars, desperate parents, worried friends and ruined chances at life. Between the messy images overlapping in my head and clogging up my arteries with anxiety I was lost on his ideal. Still, I swallowed my thoughts, grabbed some jeans and started packing a bag with clothes. I hunched my shoulders around myself, cold and tired and feeling vulnerable.

I was amazed at his audacity when he slipped out of my room and came back with both of my parents’ wallet’s. My eyes grew wide, but he walked right past me, shoved my mom’s pocket book in my bag and told me that he’d be in the car. Without another word, he slipped back out my window and I was left with the dark and my guilt. It took me another ten minutes to get to my crap together- and to pull myself together after a mini panic attack in the bathroom- during which I know Ry was impatiently tapping his foot in the car. Once he got to going he just wanted to go and do. No waiting, no messing around. If I didn’t hurry up I was going to ruin his mood, and I’d be pissed at myself for that one later.

Still, no matter what mood my boyfriend was currently ambling through, I had to say goodbye to my family. It would be one sided, and kind of pointless, but I couldn’t just leave with the thought that I might die in a car crash, or actually start a new life some where else far far away and never see them again. Not ever.

I crept down the hall and opened the door to the master bedroom. Both of my parents were lightly snoring, peaceful, not a care on their minds. True, my parents weren’t the best. But they were mine. I was going to miss them. The protection and security that comes with knowing there’s someone above you with way more responsibilities than you have. Someone handling things you can’t. Searing the image into my mind, I turned and silently moved on to the next door: My little sister, Jamie’s.

Jamie was kind of a pain, but we shared the burden of our parents and that alone made us pretty close. I mean, she was my sister. I’d read this kid stories good night, and spotted her money for lunch, and made sure she got to softball practice. She was a good kid. She deserved better than a sister who was so selfish that she was running away with her boyfriend. Unfortunately, no matter what she deserved, she had me.

‘Tough luck, James. I’m sorry.’

Finally, it was back to my room for a once in a lifetime, now or never moment. Sighing, I sank down onto my bed, staring to my right at the open window that stood a good five feet from the foot of my bed. The moon wasn’t even half full, resulting in a very black night ahead of me. That window seemed like a set of scales. On the one side was my roomand the bubble of ignorance I had going in this dead-end town. On this side, I had safety. But once I crossed the threshold of my window sill, that was it: no ignorance, no safety.

But what did I have here? Nothing.

Down in my driveway I had a lifeline. An unstable, mildly selfish, over-my-head smart, but very patient life-line. Wait, I forgot delusional. And crazy. And way too obsessed with romantic ideas like dying young and running away.

‘Obviously he isn’t the only crazy one.’

I stood and slung the straps of my bags over my shoulders. Somehow, I snuck out of my window without making a whole lot of noise. Cue applause.

Not that it mattered, my parents could sleep through anything. I should know. I’d been sneaking out for months now. Albeit, usually with only myself and a wallet; but what are a few densely packed bags between felonies? After all, running away was a felony.

‘Right, glad I remembered that after I decided to climb out of my window and off the garage roof.’ I grumbled inwardly as I threw my stuff in his trunk. My whole body felt convulsive. Like it needed to laugh hysterically or start a sob fest, or shiver violently, or even throw up all at once. ‘Good God, Rachel, I can’t believe you’re doing this.’

As I made my way around to the other side, Ry stopped me.

“I made up a bed for you in the backseat. I figured you’d be tired.” he gave me an apologetic look, and I melted. People scoff at young love. Those people have obviously never experienced it.

“Thank you.” Smiling softly, I felt a sense of hope. Like maybe, just maybe this could kind of work. I leaned down and kissed him softly before making my way towards the backseat. Being rocked to sleep by the buzz of a car with the scent of Ryan all around me sounded heavenly right then.

My hands were shaking a little as I wrapped my fingers around the old fashioned door handle. Glancing up, I wondered if I’d ever see those stars again, just the way they looked over my house. Just the way I’d been mesmerized by them for years. Pressing my thumb down on the handle, I decided whether I would ever see this same view or not didn’t matter. Ryan wasn’t one for gazing at stars. He burned brighter than they did. If I ever needed stars to look at, I had one with me. We were going to be okay in the end.

Even though we would most likely end up caught, and dragged home with our heads low and tails between our legs, (well, my gaze would at least be lowered in shame. I don’t think Ry made apologies for his actions. He didn’t feel shame) things would pan out in the end and we were going to be okay. If we weren’t okay, it wasn’t the end.