July 21st 2008

July 21st 2008

Today’s the Summer Solstice. Peach and I were going to visit Stonehenge in England and then go see Lucy Love in concert tomorrow. She’s performing at Wembley. Instead, here I am in another life or death situation. These are starting to become a little boring. I don’t really get any adrenaline rushes anymore.

This one is probably the stupidest way to die ever. We are stuck in a hot air balloon. Our guide jumped over when he saw an albatross. Apparently they’re unlucky. I think I’ll wait a little longer before I tell them I know how to fly a hot air balloon. I won’t let anyone jump obviously, but their panic at the fact they think they’re about to plummet to their death is so amusing.

I’m on this hot air balloon with five other people. Most of them are rather boring. There’s this woman called Charlotte who just goes on and on about how all three of her husbands have left her and she has six kids back home so she can’t die. And then she cries for hours on end. I just want to tell her to get a grip.

Then there’s the journalist called Olivia who just chatters on and on about what a great story this will make. Alice is a surgeon; she sits at the bottom of the basket clutching her medical bag and won’t make eye contact. Sarah’s a lawyer. She stands at the edge of the basket reciting law books; I recognize a few of the quotes she used. Every now and then she’ll duck as though someone’s thrown something at her.

I think they’re all crazy.

The final person in the hot air balloon is Lucy Love. I KNOW! Still in a state of shock. She simply paces back and fourth holding out her phone and waiting for a signal (luckily for us, her phone is solar powered). Every now and then she’ll sing a few lines from “Compost of Combust” or “The next generation ain’t gonna know what a polar bear looks like unless you turn down your radiators.” I just stare in awe.

None of us remember how we got onto the balloon, so I suspect that I’m dreaming, I’m drugged, or some kid in some school somewhere has an over-active imagination.

The others think I’m writing a speech on why I should live. I know, right?

They basically think that because the hot air balloon is sinking, we’re all going to die. It isn’t, though. We are actually going up, but the wind makes it seem like we’re going down. I know because I wet my finger, held it out of the basket and the top half felt cold. They suggested we throw out some of the propane tanks but I warned them that would be a very bad idea. We did throw out a few ballasts but there weren’t very many to start with.

So Alice and Olivia said we’d probably need to throw someone overboard. Sarah and Charlotte’s expressions were too amusing to point out that no, we didn’t. Charlotte came up with “the way to decide.” We’d each give a speech on why we shouldn’t be thrown out a hot air balloon and then we’d vote on who deserved to be thrown over. She says with six kids she’s used to dealing with disagreements.

Sarah said it sounded filled with justice and Olivia seemed enthusiastic enough; Alice nodded and clutched her medicine bag closer. Olivia gave out paper and pen, and I explained I kept a journal and therefore didn’t need any.

Why Do I Deserve To Live?

I don’t understand how you can ask someone this question. No one deserves to die (and barely anyone deserves to live). Surely if their falling theory is correct, they should throw the heaviest person over?

But I suppose if I have to answer I should probably start with Peach. He and I have been best friends for years. Peach was thirteen (and working at Kodak- we both were, Saturday job) when he found out he had depression. He says he needs me around to get through it. His mother says I mean the world to him, and he means the world to me, so I should stick around. He’s also kind of awesome when he’s not refusing to get out of bed because the world is so dark and lonely. Peach is kind of dependant on me. So he’s my first reason.

My second would be that I’m going to save the world (and all the cheerleaders, not just one). I know it’s stupid but I’m about three years’ worth of research from discovering a renewable fuel. The environment is important to me (probably why I love Lucy’s music so much) and I intend to do something bigger than throwing a way an empty can into a green box.

Thirdly, a psychic told me so. Peach and I went to a carnival the other day and Peach insisted we see a psychic. She told me I’d soon meet my idol and get through a hard trial successfully. At the time I didn’t believe her, but here I am, trapped on a hot air balloon with Lucy Love.

My fourth reason is that I know how to land this hot air balloon. So as soon as we reach land (which I think I can see in the distance), I’ll give up a gift-wrap landing (I’ve never landed a hot air balloon before; I just know how. I mean, how stupid do they get? Do they think I got a PHD in nuclear physics without learning how to land a hot air balloon?).

Also, if they decide to make millions of people feel suicidal by picking Lucy, I’ll probably offer to sacrifice myself. The guilt on their faces when I tell them I know how to land a hot air balloon will be amusing.

Ricardo C. Lion

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Ricardo and peach are real people. but not these people. they work at jessops in oxford and lulu and i are going to become their best friends.

in fact everyone in this is a real person, just not the character they're portrayed as.