A heroes death

“See them come and see them go. A hero stays to save a life. But is killed with the help of another” – Stephanie Costanten

A crash in the kitchen made me look up from my coloring book. I was only six years old. But was I old enough to understand? Old enough to know what was going on with my parents? Old enough to know that this would be the last time I would ever see them together again? I toddled into the kitchen on the dirt, brown rug. I stop at the entrance to find the smell of sour alcohol and broken class on the pale, white floor. My mother, with beautiful green eyes, a short choppy hair cut to her shoulders, and doubled over on the floor. Crying. I was about to walk up to her, and then I saw my dad, deep blue eyes, short brown hair, and his lip bleeding.

Being as close as I am to him, I ran across the floor, stopping at

nothing for the slightest bit of pain to reach him. “Dad?” then he saw me, it was almost like looking into a mirror. Me, with his deep blue eyes, his chin-lengthen brown hair, and my tears streaming down my small cheeks. “Dad?” I tugged on his red and black plaid shirt until he looked down at me, “Austin, go to your room…” a drop of blood fell on my arm, it quickly spread and a small drip to the floor and I look up, “no… not until I know everything is fine!” I took after him, I was stubborn, I was a natural tough kid, and I was a spitting image of him. He was my hero, in every way. I was only six years old, six years of watching him, six years of doing stuff with him, and six years of loving him. Only him.

“Dad, what’s wrong? Tell me!” I wasn’t going to leave him now. Not

after all the things he’s done for me. Pull that hook out of my thumb, pull me off the road when I got road burn on my knees, help me out of that tree and lastly make me better when ever I felt sick. My mom on the other hand, just drank the whole time. As I snapped back into reality the soft groan of my mother came up behind me, tears pouring out of her eyes, “austin, baby. I’m so glad you’re home!” the smell of her breath gave it away. Drunk. “Austin, I thought you’ve left us…”

“Momma, get a hold of your self. Go to bed…” right now, I’m supposed to be the big person here. My dad isn’t talking, my mom is drunk, but my words won’t help. “Alright sweet heart, momma is going to sleep now” she crawled out of the kitchen, crushing the glass beneath her, and then she crawled around the corner like a baby.

I turned my attention to my crushed hero, “dad?” I crawled to a point

where I could reach his ear, “dad, talk to me!” my voice was weak with tears. I was about to cry until I heard a small cough come from him, “austin… do you want to go to Arizona?” his voice was getting back its natural state, but still a little raspy. “What are you talking about? We have to stay here to help momma…” even though she was a horrid drinker, we had to stay with her. “If we leave her then she can get hurt…”

“austin, do you want to go?” his voice was more serious than ever. I’ve never heard this voice before, it was serious, yet calm. After my small silence he spoke up again, “austin…”

“I love you dad. But I think momma needs me…” I couldn’t believe what I just said, did I say no to him? Why. He stood up and wiped off his lip, leaving a streak of blood on his shirt. I stood up with him, only coming up under his waist. “I love you kid, you know this, but I’m not living with her anymore” his words were as clear as calm, clear lake water. “Do you not love her anymore?”

“No”

“Why?”

“She isn’t right for you, or me. She’ll hurt you too, austin. You still want to stay? And if I go, will you leave her for me?” I wanted to go, I really did. I loved my dad, very much. “Will you still remember me when you leave?” I stood on a chair to reach his shoulder. “That isn’t the question…”

“What do you mean?”

“Will you remember me? Always?”

“Yes, why?”

“I love you austin” he started to walk away, out the back door. Without another word. I followed after him like a duckling to it’s mother.

Outside, it was a soft drizzle, there was a soft hum on the road from

passing traffic, “daddy!” I screamed. He stopped. “Have you changed your mind?”

“…no”

“I love you austin” he walked out to his car, a beat up silver Pontiac. “Where are you going?” I asked weakly. He didn’t say anything, he just looked up. What does that mean? I stood there, getting wet from the rain. I stopped wondering, when I heard the screech of car breaks. I looked towards the road to find him standing in the median. The head lights of the car shone on him, coming closer. I screamed, “daddy!” I ran across the drive way, tears streaming down my cheeks. I was getting closer, then it happened. Everything when mute, I could hear nothing. Everything went black, I saw him. My breathing caught short, I grabbed my chest. My knees hit the ground on the edge of the road. Hard. It was raining harder now. The car that hit him was still. The lights shone on his body. I couldn’t see anything with the flood in my eyes. I looked up when I heard the door shut. I wiped my tears away. A man stood in front of him, a woman came out the other door. Then I saw it, the faint rise of his chest, very deep breaths in. It looked painful. I scampered across the road until I reached him. I was trying to find words for this, my hero. Gone. “D-daddy? Please get up!” I pulled his arm up, my voice was cracking, “g-get up. Now!” I couldn’t yell. “A-austin… remember what I said?”

“What…”

“If I go… you’ll… leave? You’ll… leave… her?”

“I promise daddy… I will”

“I love you austin…” I hugged him. My last hug. His blood stained my black night shirt. “Daddy, no! please don’t go, stay with me! I’ll go with you to air zona!” I grabbed two small fist-fulls of his shirt. “I’ll go!” I was crying deep now. It hurt to breath, it hurt to talk, it hurt to look at him. My dad, weak and frail on the road. “My baby girl…” he coughed out at last. Then, like that. He was done. He left me alone in this huge world. “Daddy?” I whimpered, “daddy!” I cried, “daddy!” I screamed. “Why?” my breaths were deep and hard and they were making me tired. The two people behind me pulled me up, “hun… come here” I didn’t even know her, but I squeezed her tight like she was my own mother. She cooed me until I my crying settled a little. “It’s alright…” but the truth was. Is that is wasn’t alright. “Please take me home…” I managed to get out from the deep crying. “Where do you live dear?” then I remembered his words. “Please, with you…”

There were only two men in my life that ever made me cry.