Author: imames PM
Steph just needed a new roommate so that she could pay her rent and keep her apartment. What she got was a complete tool with no social skills, and too-good looks. Maybe it's time to put out a NEW ad...Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 27,407 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 214 - Updated: 01-09-10 - Published: 04-30-08 - id: 2511749
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapter One: war
APT ON 4TH ST
2 BED 1 BATH
400 RENT A MONTH
IF INTERESTED, CALL
555-9035 FOR MORE INFO
I wish I had never sent in that ad.
That small, seemingly innocent ad in a newspaper changed my life.
Who could have known that ad would bring forth such multitudes of idiots to my door? Well, telephone, really. It's actually quite amazing how many brainless individuals come out of the woodwork when given the opportunity. I can at least be thankful that I didn't put my address on there.
I sent my patented death glare onto the vibrating phone.
I refuse to answer that Demon Phone.
No. It's not worth it!
I glanced at the post it on my refrigerator.
"Hello?" I said breathlessly, the sprint to the phone having taken approximately one and a half seconds.
"Yes, I'm calling about your ad?"
I winced. Jesus, this woman had a grating voice. "Yes. Are you interested?"
"Yeah. I had a few questions, though. It said it was four hundred a month, but I was wondering if we could discuss that because of my financial situation—"
I slapped my forehead.
Do I look like Dr. Phil? Did I give the impression that I even cared?
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but that's how much half of the rent is, and I really can't afford to pay more than my share."
"Oh. Well, I was also wondering how big this bedroom was…"
My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why?"
"Well, I need a place big enough for my two kids to stay in…"
I put my hand over the mouthpiece as I groaned and defeated, I slid down the wall. "I really don't think there's enough room for that…or your dog…Listen, why don't you give me your number and I'll get back to you." Yeah right. When hell froze over. "225-8973? I've got it. Thank you. You have a good day." I slammed the back of my head into the wall as the phone began to ring again.
"Hello?" I asked tiredly. A bizarre growl came forth as the voice began to speak. "That is the oldest prank call in the history of the world, you stupid oaf! If you're gonna annoy somebody, do it right!"
I swirled the red wine around pathetically in my glass on Thursday night, preparing myself mentally to grovel at the feet of my landlord and beg for an extension. Again. Was it my fault that there were no normal, sane people in this town? I was desperate. Right about now, I'd take anyone so long as they could pay me the rent by tomorrow.
Which is why, when the phone rang as soon as that thought had flitted across my mind, I was a bit paranoid. "Hello," I spoke tiredly into the receiver.
"Hi," a deep monotone flowed over the receiver, "I'm taking you up on your ad in the paper."
I waited for a few moments, obviously expecting him to elaborate. After realizing that he had no such desire to further identify himself, I bit down a sarcastic comment and decided to ask him for instead. "Um, well, may I ask who you are, and any kind of history or anything?"
There was a pregnant pause on the line before his clipped tone came over again. "I thought you had an ad out for a roommate, not a friend. So, no, you may not ask me that. Do you need the roommate or not? I can find somewhere else, I'm sure."
My mouth immediately dropped open, ready to chew this asshole out for thinking I was that desperate. That was, until I realized that I really was that desperate.
Problems with this guy? Well, he's a guy. Somehow I don't think my boyfriend would be too excited with that. Second, he could potentially be a psycho killer.
"Can you pay your first month's rent by tomorrow?" I bit on my bottom lip.
I closed my eyes tightly and cursed my idiocy inwardly. "Okay, then. We'll see how this works. I'll give you the address, try to be here about eight tomorrow morning…"
He was a complete tool.
I didn't even know his stupid name. I did however know that it was stupid. Whatever it was.
At six-thirty in the bleeping morning, I heard a loud banging on the front door. I said to myself, "Surely, this is not my new roommate?" But as the obnoxious pounding continued, I dragged my pajama clad self to the door. Peeking through the peephole, I saw the silhouette (it was still dark outside, because it was six-thirty in the morning) of a man with an agitated stance and loads of shit clogging up my hallway.
I schooled my features and slowly opened the door. I stared blearily at him.
"Who are you, and why are you here?"
He looked at me like I was gum attached to his shoe.
"I'm your new roommate," he drawled, "and I'm here because you told me to be."
I stared him down. "Yeah. At eight. Not the ass crack of dawn."
He shrugged and walked in, dropping an armful of bags onto the floor. "Well, I'm here."
"Obviously. Could you not put that there? Your room is over there," I pointed to the closed door across from the couch while rubbing the sleep from my eyes with my other arm.
He nodded and bent down to pick up a bag or two before stalking off toward the door.
"Wait," I called and he stopped but did not turn around. "Rent?" I asked simply.
He dug into his left front pocked and pulled out four bills, tossing them onto the floor before stalking off toward the room and leaving the rest of his shit blocking my door. I scowled at his back and walked over to the bills. He just had four hundred dollars cash in his pocket?
Who was this guy?
That asshole didn't even give me his name.
I woke up again to the sound of my door being pounded on. I groaned and dragged my feet to the door, pulling it open to belatedly realize that all of no-name-dude's shit was gone as I stared into the irate face of my landlady.
"Where your rent?" the small Asian woman asked me, tapping her foot in irritation.
I winced blearily at her at her screech and turned around, rummaging in the small box beside the door. My fist came back with a wad of cash, and I added the four bills mystery-tool gave me before handing them to her. She snatched the bills and stalked away mumbling angrily.
I swear that woman had a bamboo stuck up her ass permanently.
Closing the door while scratching my head, I noticed that my new roommate's abode was tightly closed off. I stared at his closed door contemplatively, wondering why he was such an ass. I walked over to the door, suddenly fueled with determination, and knocked on his door twice, hard. I tapped my foot impatiently, wondering why I had to knock on a door in my own apartment.
The door finally opened slowly, and he was there, glaring at me like I had just interrupted something important. Oh, had I? Whoops. Hope it wasn't your beauty sleep, asshole.
He stared at me, not opening the door any further, just waiting to see if I had a purpose. He cocked his head sharply to the right and asked impatiently, "Well?"
My eyes narrowed. "Well, what? I should be saying well. You just show up here at God knows what hour, don't offer a name or one single polite introduction of any sort, and we're supposed to live together for God knows how long? Well?"
Unmoved, he eyed me up and down in distaste. "I'm pretty sure I made it clear last night I wasn't interested in being your friend. I'll get back to you when I am."
With that, he slammed the door in my face. My jaw dropped, and suddenly I knew.
This was war.
AN: I've had this sitting on my computer for a while now, just editing little things. So I've finally decided to submit it and get some feedback. Continue? Yay, nay?
Please respond. Thanks for reading!