Hands in my pockets

Only my denim jacket on top

Feeling the ocean breeze against my chest

I gaze down at the sand

My feet leaving memories in it

Before I gaze out onto the ocean

Into your eyes

Onto your tan body

Your long brown hair blowing in your face

Your keen eyes saying something

Love or hatred

I cannot tell.

In dreams like these, sometimes disguised as nightmares

Your actions differ

Your words, sometimes sweet, often harsh and cold

But two things are always the same

My love for you

And the water

Its never the color of the sea

Perhaps blood

I can never be sure

But it always smells of alcohol

The alcohol you drink like spring water.

Perhaps though, other things will be doomed

The smell of the sea replaced with the stench of vomit on fabric

My shirt, you still have it,

My pillowcase

Still stained with your mistake

The one you promised would never happen again

How do I even know if you're lying?

I'm not allowed in anymore.

All in is this, mermaid

You tricked me into the sea of proofs

I drank with you until we were both salty drunk

Our tongues danced together

When I wanted to leave, you begged me to stay

Both inside your room

Inside your sweetness, our hearts beating fast,

But never inside your heart.

I always come back to you

Every path leads back to this match

But you cannot lure me forth mermaid

Because your name doesn't mean old river

It means rapids to me

Rapids that can drown you

In currents of pain, or love, whichever the river chooses

Whatever her mind falls on that day

That minute

That second

I hang on tight

Hoping for the latter

Being a speck on your mind's radar

A tiny courageous.