Dust to Dust

A bright, bouncing melody sang throughout the dark imposing Julliard auditorium. The perky quality of the music stood out from the somberness of the room and judges. I felt the pulsing of the song match with the beating of my heart. The ecstasy of playing my viola spread through my body and replaced the anxiety I had felt earlier. The viola had been my happiness since I was eight. From the first time I heard it, I knew that this was my dream. I had worked hard since then, and I was going to show the judges what I was made of. As I got into the heart of the music, everything else disappeared until it was only myself and the music. I played with excitement and vigor and to match the lighthearted melody. I reached the climax of the song and slowed down to the end with a flourish. The last note resounded in the room and dissipated into the nothingness of the empty space.

With the music gone and the ecstasy disintegrating, the anxiety came back. It gnawed into my stomach with the hunger of a shark. With shaking knees, I stood up and bowed. The round, foreign looking man whispered to the other judges before dismissing me with a careless wave. I briskly walked out of the auditorium and in to the hallway and relaxed against the cool wall. It was over and I could breathe again.

"How'd it go?" my mother asked, her green eyes blazing with curiosity. She had been the main driving force of my musical ability. Her patience and high standards were what made me better every step of the way. Not only was she my mother, she was also my teacher.

"I don't know but it's over and there's nothing we can do but wait now."

She sighed and affectionately ruffled my short, messy brown hair.

"Come on, let's go home."

We walked to her green Toyota and I slipped into shotgun. I relaxed and stared out of the window as it was my normal custom.

My mom turned on the radio and starting singing along, interrupting my reverie of playing a solo at Rockefeller. I cringed. Although my mother could play the violin, viola, cello, bass, and piano, she couldn't sing.

"Mom, can you stop?"

She turned to look at me and her pleasant expression turned into a look of horror.

"Mom, what's-" I felt a searing pain slash through my arms and torso before feeling the car crush in on me and my head hit the roof of the car. I felt my flesh being torn like an over loved rag doll and heard my mother's scream before entering a world of darkness.

"Ugh!" My head throbbed with a constant rhythm. Did my heart switch places with my brain or something? I slowly opened my eyes. The bright sunshine streaming in from the window and stark white walls stung my eyes. There was a sweet earthy fragrance all around me. Where was I? For the first time I noticed the flowers around me. There were roses, snap dragons, lilies, but what caught my eye were the purple viola flowers sitting on the table next to me. My favorite. A little card stuck up from the buds.

Wake up, Sam!- your BFFs

None of this made sense to me.

I reached out to feel the silky petals but instead of a hand, I saw a white bandage around twig like arm. Everything felt like a dream, until I suddenly remembered the pain and my mother's horrified face. A wave of calm panic and dread washed over me as I looked at myself. A soft voice in my head said, my hand and leg are gone. My hand and leg are gone, it said again and again, creasendoing in my head until I knew that I was awake. I remember hearing a voice scream. Somehow I knew that it was mine but I felt detached, as if I was a spirit floating over my mortal body just watching the show.

My dad and sister, Sara, rushed in along with a nurse.

"Calm down, Sam!" dad ordered, while Sara jumped to my side and hugged me.

My scream quieted into little short gasps of confusion and grief for my lost limbs.

"What happened to Mom?" I looked up at my incomplete family.

"Mom's okay." Sara said letting her vice like grip on me relax. "She has a broken leg and bruises but she's okay."

My dad looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "There was a drunk driver that day when your mom was driving you from the Julliard audition."

Julliard! A fist of fresh grief punched me in my face. I couldn't play my viola anymore... The world seemed to fade away and I could barely hear my dad's voice trying to explain what had happened. He mentioned something about a drunk, a red light, and a coma was all I heard before everything disappeared. I envisioned a fat, beer bellied man with an evil yellow toothed grin chopping off my hand and leg while I played at the Julliard audition. With a maniacal laugh, he even destroyed my viola, turning my dreams in to dust. In some way, my head knew that I could not play any longer, yet I felt no grief in my stubborn heart.

It took a week before I got out of the hospital. I now had a mechanical wheelchair with a joy stick control. I was relieved to be at home instead of the unforgiving and cold hospital. I quickly went to my safe escape from the world, my room. I felt relief as I went into the haven, but it quickly turned into a nightmare when I saw all the books and CDs I had accumulated over the years about the viola. There was a sharp stab in my heart as I turned back around and out of the room. The narrow passageway seemed to close in on my as I went into the living room.

As I rounded the corner, I saw my sister reading a letter with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Sara gasped and turned around to face me.

"No, no nothing's wrong." she said, wiping her red face with the back of her hand.

My sharp eyes caught the address on the envelope. It was from Julliard.

"Give it to me now." I held out my arm. "I know it's from Julliard."

Sarah stared at my stub of a hand for a moment before clearing her voice.

"To Miss Samantha Alexander and her family. We are please to inform you that Julliard has chosen your daughter for the. " Her soft voice cracked. "the music scholarship for her excellent musicianship of the viola." She looked at me with new tears in her eyes.

I stared at her. There was a moment, such as the calm before a storm, until the news broke through the concrete like barrier around my heart and sliced its way into the secret depths of my heart. The dream was over.

It was all for nothing, all for nothing, the thought repeated in my mind for what seemed like forever before the bitter tears burst through my eyes and sobs racked my ribcage.

"It was all for nothing!" I screamed. "Look at me..." my voice softened. "I can't even play anymore."

I felt tears on the top of my head and looked up to see Sara cry before she bent down to hold me.

"I'm sorry, Sammy, I'm sorry."

Through my misty eyes, a dull purple color on the windowsill caught my attention. They were the viola flowers my friends sent to the hospital room. They were dead and so were my dreams.