A/N: thanks for the review

born restless: it did help…how Mia acts now she’s the ice bitch but she’ll change. You know what they say…the higher you climb the harder you fall. And at this point you’re probably going like Hayden better but it will switch—he will do some pretty shady stuff.

My friend just read it for me and thought the same thing so I’ll definitely take it into account, THANKS

Chapter 5

Hayden…

The next day we didn’t speak except “hi” and “bye”. We took notes in every class where I was near her so there were no chances—not that she’d be giving any away.

I approached Darien after school. I had to take action because the way things were going—I wouldn’t even be able to take her to homecoming, “Look, man I need your help.”

“That’s obvious,” he said applying some red pomade to his hair.

“Yeah, well,” I said feebly.

“How about…what are you doing after school later? I’ll arrange a meeting—I won’t tell her though.”

“That’s good,” I said almost smiling but there was still a possibility that she’d shoot me down, “Where at?”

“We always do Starbucks study sessions on Tuesday. So, then I’ll text you when we get there,” he said opening his door but handing his phone over. I plugged my number into his phone.

“Do—do you have any…advice? She just shoots me down every time I try—not even after I saved her Saturday,” I said my eyes on the gravel and the thing is, it was weird—I never get embarrassed. I have nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Well, you have to hold off on any serious stuff now. Mia she’ll push you away and if you want to ask her something—you’ve got to catch her off guard so she won’t have a chance to put up that wall she’s so fond of,” Darien said smirking at his friend’s erratic behavior—she was really just afraid.

“Thanks, man, Darien I really needed this,” I said shaking his hand.

“Yeah, well she does too. Good luck.”

Mia…

“You’re fucking ridiculous—you realize that right,” Darien said as we walked through the doors into the fresh air conditioned Starbucks.

“Darien, let’s not,” I said dismissing him, “Are you getting a Frap.—I hardly ate today so I won’t go over in calories.”

“You have issues—seriously. You’ve got your life calculated down to a science: no serious relationships, no real friends except Talia and I—and I’m gay and she’s your cousin—and you don’t go over two thousand calories even though you’re now a size three.”

“I like routine,” I said simply grabbing my coffee off the counter and finding a place to sit down.

“Do you like Hayden?”

“Well, yeah in a way—he’s a sweet heart—but it’s not like that matters. Too many complications and you know I don’t do commitments,” I said blankly and snapped my mouth closed when I realized what I said.

“You need to make a change in your so called life,” he said glancing at the door, “I’ve got to run to the bathroom.”

I looked up in just enough time to see him nod almost imperceptibly at Hayden—who just came in the door.

He waved brightly at me, sauntered over, and planted himself in Darien’s seat, “Hey.”

“Hi,” I said brightly—too bright—I could stand to be fake until Darien came back.

“How’s it going?”

“Regular…are you high,” I asked sniffing the air—I knew I recognized that smell.

“Well, not anymore—I was earlier,” he said reaching over and snapping off a piece of my sugar cookie, “Could I have some of this?”

“Sure,” I said twisting my head around to stare at the cracked open bathroom door. A pair of big green eyes were staring back at me laughing, “If you’ll excuse me a moment…”

“No,” Hayden said, “I won’t excuse you.”

I snapped my head back toward him, “Guess I’ll just have to be rude then.”

He grabbed my wrist just as I stood, “Why do you do that?”

“What do I do,” I said sliding back into my seat as I simultaneously watched Darien get another venti latte.

“You either put up this wall and become the ice bitch or you’re fake as hell,” he said grimacing but somewhat amusedly.

“It’s just how I am,” I said shifting in my seat—I was uncomfortable being around someone that saw transparently through me.

“Why,” he asked and I was once again taken aback.

“I don’t know,” I said and hissed Darien’s name as he walked past trying not to look at us, “Darien, won’t you join us?”

“Actually I’ve got to run home for my AP Art History book, so Hayden here can keep you company while I’m gone,” he said smiling and bending to give me a kiss on the cheek.

“You know this is so obviously a set-up,” I said after Darien left.

“Yeah, well it’s the thought that counts…now back to my question,” he said leaning forward and placing both of his hands under his chin.

“It’s less complicated—not letting emotions get in the way.”

“Aren’t those people who were at your house…your friends?”

“No,” I said clenching my jaw, “They’re Talia’s friends—I’m just a tag-along.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“Did you see me interacting with any of them besides Craig; did you see me interacting with any girls?”

“Will you have dinner with me tonight,” he said.

I automatically answered, “Why; don’t you have dinner with your family?”

“In a way, yes, will you come?”

“Why,” I answered skeptical.

“Can’t I just ask a girl out?”

“You just called me a bitch and now you’re making dates—forgive me if I’m curious about your intentions…”

“Maybe I like bitchy girls,” he said sarcastically, “No, I just think you need some perspective since you think your life is so terrible.”

“Who’ll be there and I don’t think my life is terrible—I just don’t find it great or anything like say yours.”

“You really have no idea—you think you’re the only one with a façade put up,” he said shaking his head and looking at the ground.

“I don’t understand,” I said thoroughly confused—what could be so horrible that he had to deal with?

“You’ll see tonight; my mother, father, and older brother will be there. I’ll pick you up at seven o’clock—it’s pretty formal,” he said patting my hand and standing up.

--

I was ready ten minutes before he got there and sat at the seat adjacent to the door in my simple high waisted skirt, light blue blouse, and rich blue kitten heels with one of my nicest bags—a plain black Louis Vuitton that my grandmother gave to me a couple weeks before she passed.

He rang the doorbell five minutes later and I opened the door to a very different Hayden than I was used to. His hair was combed and neatly pushed away from his eyes and his was in a crisp dark blue—the same color as my shoes—button down and slacks, “Hello.”

“Hi,” I said my voice a high squeak. I coughed softly wondering where that malfunction came from.

“You look nice,” he said smiling faintly—he looked slightly nervous and tapped his fingers on his leg.

“Thank you, you do too.”

“Look, you’ve—if I take you you’ve got to make a promise to me.”

“Yeah,” I said slowly, looking into his unsure blue eyes.

“Just don’t let your opinion of me be tarnished by anything you see tonight,” he said eyes grazing the floor.

“I won’t—I wanted to tell you…I never slept with Craig before that night, we hooked up a bit but we weren’t serious,” I said blushing.

“I thought about it but I don’t really think that has any reflection on you. Or well, I had hoped that if I didn’t think badly of you because of him, then you wouldn’t judge me in matters of that nature,” he said turning away.

“I…I’m,” I sputtered guiltily; although I couldn’t help but wonder why I cared now. It was suddenly obvious. He looked really nervous—like something terrible was going to happen.

“Don’t worry about it…let’s just go,” he said turning and walking toward his sleek black BMW.

“You’re sure you don’t want to go somewhere else…we don’t have to go to your house,” I said as I settled into the silky leather seats.

“Yes, I told my father you were coming—he’ll be pleased—and I’ve never brought a girl to dinner before. This is sort of opposite.”

“Yeah, I thought about that when I was getting ready. There’s usually a first date at the movies first,” I said laughing.

“Well, you wouldn’t have said yes. I needed to make you curious enough to come,” he said smiling.

I stared at his smiling face for a moment—only just noticing the pain behind it. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye quizzically and I realized I was staring, “What?”

“Nothing,” I said staring straight ahead. What was happening to me?

Hayden…

“Here we go,” I said grabbing her thin arm and walking into the formal dining room.

“Hello, Father, Mother, and Kingsley this is Mia,” he said gesturing toward her. Kingsley and I look just alike—just like our father. Except we had our mother’s blue eyes instead of his firm, sharp eyes.

Although her eyes were quite duller and glazed over nowadays.

She smiled warmly and greeted all of them with a handshake and “great to meet you”. Her parents must have business dinners often because she was good at this.

Dad went right to it, “So Mia, what do your parents do?”

“My father is a lawyer for three fortune-500 companies and my mother is the CEO of a pharmaceutical company called Rolf & Merck,” she said smiling faintly whilst the maid placed a plate containing a lobster tail in front of her.

“I thought Rolf & Merck was owned by a Caucasian family,” he said tactless as ever and I fought to keep my face blank. I watched her smile tighten and Kingsley blush deeply.

“My mother is white—she inherited it from my grandfather, Renaldo Rolf.”

“So, he didn’t disown her when she decided to marry him,” he asked tossing back his third glass of red wine.

“No…” Mia started shocked pushing her food around on her plate, “He actually introduced them—my father was just starting at the firm that represents them when my mother became the vice-president.”

But Kingsley was done. “Have you no tact,” Kingsley said pushing his plate away and downing the Miller Light clenched in his hand, “How can you be that racist in front of her—you might as well put her to fucking work. How dare you?”

“It’s alright,” she said softly and I could see her eyes shining.

“I really didn’t expect this Dad,” I said face buried in my hand, “I thought you’d be proud that I found a gorgeous, smart girl—guess nothing’s good enough.”

“I don’t have a problem with her being black—I was just wondering,” he said sternly. At that point I tuned out Kingsley who was begging the maid for a glass of vodka and orange juice to replace his empty beer bottle.

“Dear,” my mother started for the first time of the night—she’d been looking like a wax dolls, totally glazed over and out of it, “Did you get that blouse at Lord & Taylor—I think I have one just like it?”

“Yes, actually I did,” Mia said smiling faintly; she was most likely wondering what her problem was.

I didn’t realize I had been rocking back and forth until Mia reached across my lap and grabbed my hand tightly.

Looking at her face—I thought she was in shock but she was strong enough not to show it. She whispered, “Its okay, everything’s fine. You’re okay.”

“Excuse me, Mr. O’Neil do you think Hayden and I could be excused? I don’t think he’s feeling well,” she said smiling at my father’s looming face.

“Yeah, we’re leaving Dad,” I said standing and dragging her up with me.

“Thank you for dinner; the food was excellent. It was nice meeting you,” Mia called as I dragged her out of the room.

Only Mom called back, “You too dear.”

I lead her to my room without any words and pulled off the dress shirt leaving only a plain white tee. I sat back on my bed without a word and we were silent for a few long moments. She was still holding my hand and I was clenching hers tightly.

“I shouldn’t have brought you here; I’m sorry it was reckless,” I said looking away from her perfectly composed face.

“Hayden, it’s fine—you don’t have to worry about how anything looks to me. I’m okay; don’t worry about me. I know saying that I’m sorry doesn’t mean or change anything but I am,” she said and she couldn’t know how that felt—how nice it was to have someone actually know the truth and not think I was weak, like my father believes.

“She’s a drug addict,” I said staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars above my head that were left over from the stage in life where I wanted to be an astronaut.

“Excuse me, what?”

“My mother—I know you must be wondering—is addicted to pain meds and anti-depressants. She’s better than he is though. I’m really sorry—I had no idea he was such a racist pig.”

“It was just a question,” she said simply and surprised me by lying back next to me and letting my wrap my arm around her—maybe it was just sympathy but I had hope.

“Yes, well—I thought he just…I hate him. I just hate him—I wish I could just—” I started and she placed a finger over my mouth.

“It’s okay, you’re okay—everything is fine. I’m here—you’re not alone. It’s okay,” she murmured into my ear over and over.

Mia…

That night, it was the first time in a long time that I wanted—needed to cry and couldn’t. Not around him. And for the first time, it wasn’t because I was feeling sorry for myself. It was because of him. The way he acts so happy and perfect at school—it was a façade but different than mine. He was stronger than me and at least he could take a chance.

Bringing me there that must have taken a lot. And it hurt so much because I was so, so wrong about Hayden O’Neil.