I'm Still Not Ready

I want to eat
but I can't
my stomach is too full of knots
butterflies
and bees
buzzing
trying to escape

I thought my life
was hard enough
when things were getting better
you made them worse
I'm still clinging
to the edge
my fingers slipping
my heart crying
screaming for you

If life is journey
why did it have to be so difficult?
they say
it's not a destination
then what are we striving to reach?
life can't be a journey
if we don't know
what we're looking for

Your purpose
is different
than mine I suppose
but the metronome ticking
off to the side
says otherwise
your beat
is the same as the one
beating in my heart
why are you looking the other way?

I've been locked out
from my own heart
for the past few days
banging on the door
tugging at the doorknob
trying to storm in
trying to find myself
where I've been hiding
under a cracked
and broken desk
huddling against the cold
trying to keep myself from
dying
to keep myself from
losing this battle

I've opened the door again
all it took was a poem
by a kindred soul
a soul that understands this pain
there are so many in this world
I just didn't know where to look

Now that I'm back inside
the words pour
like the tide
breaking on the rocks
eroding away
my fears and my tears
and my broken heart
is healing in the wake
of the angels dying
on the shore

I'm floating away
I've seen so many people
dying
kids, mere kids
dying and struggling
some make it to the surface
but other drown in the overwhelming pressure
of life

I'm still not ready
not ready to take it on
take life on
to take you on
but my heart will try
to fly again
like a bird struck
by a stone
I will learn
eventually
to fly