Teh Lady of Shal00t. Poossesshawn. Two epic stories. Two very unusual combinations. These tales may, at first glance, appear to not share much in common. However, upon a closer reading of each, one can see that there are many similarities. I hate my life. I am planning to kill myself tonight. At the stroke of 3 AM. When the clocks turns to this hour, I shall slit my wrists, down 50 painkiller tablets, stick my finger in an electrical socket, shoot myself in the head with an AK47, set myself on fire, overdose on alcohol, all while falling off a tall building. I hope this will suffice.

Right now it was 1:28 AM. Teh Lady of Shal00t and I were chilling at the top of her tower. There’s a pretty nice view up here. I could see all of Camelot. I decided that this is where I shall jump from. Could there be a more scenic place to splatter my visceral mass upon? Really, her life isn’t so bad up here. She shouldn’t complain so much. She has this great 80-inch big flat screen TV that gets at least 800 channels. It turns out living up in the air gives you good reception. Sometimes we even get some secret government broadcasts about alien invasions and whatnot… but I don’t think that’s standard.

Well, after a while, it was getting pretty stuffy, so I decided to open a window. There was a really great view, as I said before. We were so high that there were clouds all around us. I decided to reach out and touch one, when, to my great surprise, my hand brushed slick and warm human skin. Of course, since it was the sky, I was a bit freaked out. I reached my hand back, and peered closer, trying to see what or who exactly was out there. The clouds shifted a bit, and what I saw was quite a shock. There, upon a fluffy bed of clouds, was Christabel the ‘Motte and Randolph the Ash doing the deed. It seemed he was having a bit of trouble at the beginning sticking it in. This must have meant that someone was a little new to this concept. For all of you who do not know what this means, they were having sexual intercourse, sexually of course (not just physically – it was sexually too). That’s hot.

Now, I didn’t exactly know where to go from here. There were two people floating at least 10,000 feet up in the air on a cloud having sex. This just didn’t seem ordinary to me. Of course, they didn’t notice me because they were too preoccupied with themselves. Well, this was much better than TV anyway.

I took a break from “scientifically” observing the meshing couple to glance at my watch. It was now 2:51. Wow, they had been going at it for quite a while. That Ash Man must have been on some kind of Viagra or something. I bet his sperm was super powered. He was going to impregnate her with super babies. In fact, I bet she was already impregnated with at least 10 children just from tonight. And considering her state before tonight, that must have been painful to accomplish.

Well, time was nearing the end for me. The hour of my death was biting at my heels. I turned back from the window with reluctance to get my supplies. Teh Lady was perched on the couch, doing some crocheting while watching… hey, we got a TV channel with Ash and ‘Motte action on it. Oh well, it was too late for that. I gathered my suicide supplies and walked over to the window. I figured I could do everything else while I was freefalling to the ground. The time was now 2:59. I climbed the windowsill and prepared to jump. A clock from nowhere struck 3 AM, and I leaped faithfully, knowing my time had come to an end.

It was a surprise then, when I landed on something soft and fluffy and warm only a few seconds after my jump. What? I opened my carefully clenched eyes and saw that I was on top of the gyrating bodies. OMG, I had just burst in on Ash the Sex Man and ‘Mott the Fairy. My bad. I 

was just about to roll off the cloud and continue my jump, when a deep and sexy voice stopped me.

“Hey baby. You’re pretty hot. You don’t have to go. Stay here with us…” The invitation was so inviting that I couldn’t resist. I quickly shed all of my clothes, and began to – WHAT?

A sudden force impacted me from above. I rolled over and saw that Teh Lady had jumped off the tower and on top of me. Wow, this was turning crazy.

“Alright,” said the sexy voice. “Let’s have an orgy!”

So we all lived in the clouds happily ever after and produced an infinite amount of super spawn with Ash the Sex Man’s sperm.

Teh endzors.