When someone said count your blessings now

When someone said count your blessings now

Before they’re long gone

I guess I just didn’t know how

I was all wrong

They knew better, still you said forever

And ever, who knew?

NOW- May 2009

“I got in!” Cali screamed as I picked up the phone.

“Oh my God, dude!” I shrieked back, staring down at the letter in my hand with shock. “I was just gonna call you, I did too!”

“Ala, we got in!” she crowed. “LA Film School in September! I can’t believe it! And will you believe that Grampa’s known for a week and didn’t tell us? That’s why he was asking about the checks the other day.”

“Jerk,” I muttered, but I couldn’t focus on anything beyond the excitement bubbling in my chest. “Did he send the checks off yet, since he knows?”

“He got them today and he’s overnighting them tomorrow morning!”

I flopped back onto my bed, grinning at the ceiling. Film school . . . finally. After three years of dreaming, planning, and saving, we were going. “Dude,” I sighed. “I can’t remember the last time I was this happy . . .”

September 2009

“Now don’t forget to call me when you get to the dorms,” Mom said as she straightened my shirt. She turned and looped Cali’s bag more securely over her should before continuing. “And remember to eat properly and respect your teachers.”

“Mom,” Cali said in a slightly exasperated voice, rolling her shoulder so that her bag strap went loose again. “We aren’t going to the moon, stop fussing.”

“And always keep your pepper spray with you,” Mom continued, ignoring her. “Have fun. Call me every Friday at least.” She paused for a moment before pulling us into a hug. “Keep each other safe,” she whispered before she pulled away.

“All passengers for Flight 115 to Los Angeles please proceed to Gate C-2. Boarding will begin in ten minutes,” the loudspeaker crackled.

“Good bye loves,” Mom said, tears finally rolling down her cheeks. “See you in a few months.”

We each hugged her again and turned away. As we passed under the arch to our gate, Cali grabbed my hand. “I’m so excited,” she whispered . . .

September 2010

“. . . and a big thank you to our valedictorians Alana Rees and Cali Manon. Our best wishes to you both! Let’s have a big round of applause for Los Angeles Film School’s graduating class of 2010!”

As everyone screamed and clapped, I threw my arms around Cali. “We did it man!” I whispered, happy tears welling in my eyes. “We did it!”

“On to England, mate,” she replied, hugging me tightly. “Life’s finally starting.”

“It’s gonna be epic dude.”

“Yeah, it’s gonna rock . . .”

January 2012

“Welcome back and once again I’m sitting her with dynamic duo Alana Rees and Cali Manon, probably the most well-known young directors in the world. How does it feel knowing that you’ve been nominated for seven Academy Awards in only about a year of directing?” the talk-show host asked.

“It’s amazing,” I answered with a huge grin.

“You two have really done the impossible,” the host continued. “Turning out three movies together while Cali published a series of novels and Alana directing a musical in West End. Did the two of you eat or sleep at all after you graduated film school?” She laughed along with the audience.

I smiled cheekily at her and Cali smiled slightly at her. “Dunno for sure.” I laughed. “I’m almost positive we took a nap last November.”

“So, is life everything you hoped it would be?” she asked as the stage manager signalled for her to wrap up the interview.

“Definitely,” I replied firmly.

“Yeah,” Cali replied after a moment. “Just what we always wanted . . .”

May 2012

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said quietly, sympathy in every line of his face. “There was nothing we could do. She completely severed the artery.”

I turned away, numb with shock as Mom collapsed to the floor and Cali’s boyfriend buried his face in his hands. She was gone. Cali was gone. The best friend who had become a sister and excepted me completely into her family so that I was just another of her mom’s adopted kids, my hetero life-mate, the mac to my cheese, the business partner, the voice in the darkness, the other half of my world, she was gone. Dead by suicide, self-inflicted cuts that couldn’t heal, the last proof of the pressure her dreams put on her.

She had left me. She didn’t tell me how bad it was, she didn’t let me see, let me help. She ran away leaving me nothing but a note, just pitiful words: You can’t follow me here, so live a happy life and find me when you’re through.

How could she be gone? In my mind, I could only see her alive. The wind tossing her hair on the beach, singing in the car, smoking in the rain, laughing and talking, teasing her siblings, sitting up until five in the morning to help me get my project perfect . . . just everyday, normal, beautiful, sad Life.

And for the first time in three years, I broke. I cried, I screamed and agony burned through my veins.

Gone. Gone.

If someone said three years from now

You’d be long gone

I’d stand up and punch them out

Cause they’re all wrong

That last kiss, I’ll cherish

Until we meet again.

But time makes it harder

I wish I could remember

But I’ll keep your memory

You visit me in my sleep

Oh darling, who knew?

Okay, so you know when weird crap goes through your head for no reason? Well, that's what brought this little thing on. Everytime i hear the song "Who Knew" by Pink, this is what goes through my mind. And i find it rather disturbing because my best friend andI plan on going to film school and being partners after we graduate. The weirdest bit though is that I am not the character that survives. I mean, neither of the girls I see in my head are anything like my friend and I, but it's just one of those things.

And quite frankly I love that song, but it seriously freaks me out. Anyway, I'm rambling again.

Disclaimer: All lyrics from "Who Knew" are property of Pink and whoever wrote the song and they in no way belong to me.