My Blank Stare
5.8.08

screaming, crying, sobbing
S H R I E K I N G
don’t touch me, don’t touch me
DON’T TOUCH ME!
((it hurts so bad; so, so bad))
and the lights, they pierce my eyes: daggers
your soft humming sounds like
the squeal of car brakes
just before a crash

flashes, pictures, scenes
invading my mind, controlling me
where you see beauty I see only pain
or (on a good day) simple indifference

crying, wishing, begging:
don’t give up on me
even when I bite or pinch or hit
(or hate)
even when I flap my hands by my shoulders
like a baby bird who cannot take flight
((please don’t leave me helpless in my
(isolated) nest))
solitary confinement

no, don’t give up on me, I beg of you
don’t let me drift alone in my self-guarded prison
I cannot reach out on my own
probably won’t even meet you halfway
but don’t give up on me
because I guarantee that if you find the me inside,
I’ll be the first to look, point, and smile

Author's note -- I won't tell you what this is about; I want to see if you can figure it out for yourself. I will tell you something, though: the "look, point, and smile" has a reason for being italicized. It has a special importance with this topic. If I've portrayed the idea as well as I wanted to, you should be able to figure it out.