My Funeral

Edith was a good person. Edith was a good mother. Edith was an amazing grandmother. Edith was all of these things, but above all, Edith was pissed off. She had spent ninety-three years on God's green earth, fearing the wrath of the lord, going to church, and being as wonderful a person as she could be. Every Sunday she spent at church, volunteering, helping the pastor, reading passages. She did everything she could in the name of God. Despite all this, she sat there. She sat in silence, as people around her mourned and remembered. She had always despised funerals. As long as she could remember she hated going to these things. A funeral is just an incredibly depressing excuse to get together with family members who you obviously despise, and sit there and "celebrate" someone's life. That bit made her laugh. Celebrate. No one cries this much at a celebration. Really, if they were celebrating her life, why would they all be expressing such a huge amount of sorrow?

Yes, Edith was a good person, mother, and grandmother. As well, she was pissed off, but now she was also another thing. Now, Edith was dead. I know, this is a difficult concept to grasp. If Edith is really dead, how can she be attending her own funeral? Well, you may be shocked to learn that almost everyone does it. It is a rather strange phenomenon, really. After a person dies, if they make the choice to stay on earth, if they are given that choice, there is some strange psychological "ZAP," that goes off in their heads, whether it is for closure, or emotional reasons, tells them to attend their funeral. It's very rarely fun. It's almost never a life changing experience, although you think it would be. They just do it. They sit there, as bored and angry as you would be at someone else's funeral, and they get all frumpy. That is exactly how Edith felt right now. The was the frumpiest woman in the afterlife.

The eulogy was boring, her family lied about her, and none of the people she considered friends managed to attend. Just like them. They came for tea every other day, at two o'clock sharp, but couldn't even come to her funeral. She died, and they didn't think that was a good enough excuse to come for a visit. The event came to an end, the people left, as did Edith, and she stood. She breathed in, and smelled the morning dew on the air. She walked onto the lawn of the church, and felt the soft ground under her feet. She had to die on the first beautiful day of spring.

"So," said a woman who seemed to just appear next to her," do you think you made the right choice?"

Edith looked to her right, and saw a beautiful young woman, with short blonde hair, and dull grey eyes. She was clad in a massive black cloaked, that tapered into shadows, that flickered like flame.

"You again," Edith said," I'm already dead, I didn't think I'd have to talk to Death again."

"Well," Death said," I figured I could help keep you company."

Edith thought for a moment, contemplating what Death was saying.

"I do appreciate that," Edith said," Of all the people to be accompanying me, I didn't think it would be you."

"I think I can guess who you wanted to be here with you," Death said, with a smile growing on her face.

"Who might that be?" Edith asked, growing slowly suspicious of Death.

"There's a man," Death said," and you devoted your life to him. You loved him, you spent all your best days with him. When he didn't seem to be there for you, you still talked to him, loved him, and did all you could to let the world know."

"Damn straight I did!" Edith yelled," And now I'm dead, and I don't even get a talk with him?"

"Come," Death said," Into the church. I think I can get a hold of him."

"Really?" Edith asked, intrigued.

"Yes."

"You would do that for me?" Edith said, with a great big smile growing on her face.

"Of course," said Death," anything for a friend."

Edith smiled at this. In death, she always thought there was nothing but loss. But here, she had made a friend. An unexpected one at that. Death began to walk into the church, and Edith followed. She walked, and Death seemed to float into the sanctuary. Death stood at the back of the room, and Edith took her place next to her. Death raised her hands before her, and a wind seemed to rise in the church. The sound of thunder began to rumble outside of the building, and everything became covered in shadow. A scythe suddenly appeared in Death's hand, she screeched the way you would imagine a banshee to, flew towards the front of the room, and slashed the air. A hole appeared in what seemed to be the fabric of existence, and grew larger and larger. Inside this hole was a whirling, purple and black void, that crackled with lightning. Edith felt nervous. She could finally see him. After waiting for so long, the man she devoted her life to would be here. The man she loved, cherished, and worshiped would return. A man flew out of the void, and landed softly a few feet in front of Edith. He was wearing a grey flat cap, and a brown wool sweater. He had brown slacks on, and was holding a crooked oaken cane.

"Daryll?" Edith said, somewhat surprised.

"Hello Edith," Daryll said," It's been a good long while since I've seen you."

"Thirty years," Edith said.

"You look surprised," Daryll said, smiling.

"Well," Edith said," I guess I wasn't expecting you. But come to think of it, this really does seem to feel right."

Edith and Daryll looked at each other, and Death slowly floated downwards behind him. Edith and Daryll just stared for a few moments, smiled, walked towards each other, and embraced. They both cried tears of the greatest joy they had ever felt. Edith pushed away slightly, and looked at her long deceased husband.

"I've missed you," She said.

"I've missed you too," Daryll replied smiling, tears running down his cheeks.

"And still," Edith said, "You won't get rid of that damned hat."

"Oh shut your trap you old Bat!" Daryll proclaimed through his tears.

"You haven't changed a bit," Edith said, laughing.

"I could never do that do you," Daryll replied.

Edith and Daryll stood and talked. Edith and Daryll Laughed and cried. Edith and Daryll did all of these things, but above all, they felt right. They were together again. An afterlife of anything could never compare to this. Edith looked at Death.

"Thank you," Edith said," I'll admit, he's no Jesus, but just as well. I'm happier than you could imagine."

Death smiled, and faded away.

The

End