March 25, 2008:

Paper Dolls

No matter how hard I try,

And practice the dance,

It will never work if my dance partner doesn’t dance!

I do not know how long I can keep dancing for pleasure,

Your entertainment, as you stand there watching me.

Exotic dancers, dance without partners.

They move their bodies to a soundless beat.

Their reward is paid in full, as their possessions grow in abnormity,

But their emptiness begins to consume them…

They dance like little paper dolls in the wind:

Intriguing to watch,

But just like the paper they are made of,

Susceptible to every element: wind, fire and rain.

Fire to burn them to ashes, wind to rip them to shreds, and rain to wash away their pretty painted on faces…

I am no more a paper doll than I am an exotic dancer!

I refuse to hang in the wind, or on a pole,

Barely able to hang on,

As I am forced to move my body for the pleasure of the eyes around me!

I am strong. I am a strong woman made of steel, iron and lead.

No amount of rain will rust me,

No amount of wind will move me,

And you may cast me into the pit of the flames,

But I will only return unmarked and glowing from the heat.

Try to touch me,

And risk loosing your hand.

Try to hit me,

Expect to have it broken.

Try to move me,

And expect to feel the strain of fruitless effort.

I have not laid a hand of harm to you,

And yet, you try to control, try to own me, and try to destroy me!

In all these aspects you will fail,

Because, you are man.

No man is mightier than the fire, wind and rain the Lord produces,

And yet you view yourself as strong, able to do the impossible!

Steel cannot be turned into paper, and I cannot change who I am!

Although I am beautiful,

Although you may desire me,

I am not a paper doll hanging in the wind,

Exposed to the elements,

Waiting for a man to come by and shield me.

I am steel, I can stand-alone.

No element of nature can provoke my atoms to separate,

And although my outside is as hard as stone, and as cold as ice,

My inside, the warmth from my soul is what holds it all together.

The strength of my sprit, heart, body, soul and mind allow me to become hard as rock.

But to you I may appear as a simple stone,

But my outside does not reflect my inside character,

Besides the facts that I am strong and enduring.

No, my inside character is kind, loving, thoughtful, caring, understand and forgiving,

even of you.

I may be all these things,

But I am not in anyway weak in character because of them.

I will not be made a fool,

I am not naive,

I cannot be bought with shiny things or slick words like a paper doll can.

A paper doll has no mind to think with.

You may look at her straight forward and see a 3-D dimensional person,

But you had only turn her sideways to see that she is as thin and practically invisible as the strength of her spirit portrays.

Being made of steel I protect my character.

No amount of time, wear, or effort can ever damage my character.

I keep it locked away,

Knowing that it is okay to expose it to the elements,

Like you,

Because nothing will ever change it!

So beware, for you may not see the steel vortex around me,

Glowing with hot embers,

But if you touch me,

If you so far as try to lay a hand of hurt on me or my heart,

You will loose more than just your hand!

I may sound cold and threatening to you in saying this,

But it is the truth.

I am wise enough to say it,

Than I am foolish enough to leave it unsaid.

If you cannot give it to me I will become like the stone,

Cold, hard, and will not bare rest for your weary head.

I am willing to risk my pride, my heart, my courage,

But I am not willing to risk letting you completely have me,

Tearing down my defenses

And turning me into a

Paper doll.