Victimized

January 9, 2008

VictimizedI’ve had my share of psychotic breaks and breakdowns Looking at me you can’t tell there was a time I played for both teams

That there was a season when mirror confidence didn’t come naturally

You can’t decipher from my visage that I was ‘that girl’ once

I don’t look like my experience but that doesn’t discredit its relevance

I’ve taught my eyes to hide my emotions

And trained my smile to disguise my pain

I’ve become a master at dignified suffering

Molded myself to be the picture of determined resilience

Learned to exude self-control despite my circumstance

The epitome of the will to survive

Refusing to relinquish myself to the surrounding chaos

Denying the urge to succumb to nonchalant complacency

Starving my need for acceptance to emaciation

Improved but certainly not new

Look past the polished silver and you’ll see the dents from being mishandled

These pits of ebony have cried tributaries for undeserving persons

This pulsating mound of flesh has ached equivalent to a crude amputation

Breathing, living, existing has pained me to the point of divine intervention

Excusing the past and wiping it from my recollection is a necessary evil

Letting go of what has happened likens to the worst form of torture

Mental anguish has been adapted into my daily routine

Trust does not come easy

Skepticism I’ve adopted as a soul mate

Steely indifference has become my garb

I’ve matured my mental fortitude to account for my private horror

Grown wings that drag amongst the dust and yet still carry me to the heavens

I wear tattered royals to accredit my tormentors with the results of their desecration

Standing in the company of the unblemished I reveal my leprosy regally

Possessive of the scars that have been bestowed upon me

Displaying them in uncommon audacity

Head erect, refusing to be a victim no longer.