Q: there were 5 cats on the couch, 1 jumped off. How many cats are left on the couch?

A: NONE they were all copy cats!!

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Q: What is a baby's motto
A: If at first you don't succeed cry cry again!

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Q: what sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch

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Q: Why do birds fly south?
A: Because it's too far to walk

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I am sad to report that today the writer of the Hokey Pokey died today. His funeral was very sad. The saddest part was putting him in his casket. They put his left arm in, they put his right arm in, and well, you know the rest...

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Amy: Would you remember me in a month?
April: sure
Amy: Would you remember me in a week?
April: sure
Amy: Would you remember me in a day?
April: sure
Amy: Would you remember me in an hour?
April: sure
Amy: Would you remember me in a minute?
April: sure
Amy: Would you remember me in a second?
April: sure
Amy: Knock, Knock
April: Who's there?
Amy: You forgot me already!

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One day 3 men caught a mermaid. The mermaid said I will give you one wish each if you let me go.

The first man said I want to be 40 smarter. So she made him 40 smarter.

The second man said I want to be 60 smarter. So she made him 60 smarter.

The third man said I want to be 100 smarter. She said to him, "Are you
sure your want to be 100 because you might feel a little bit different."
He replied, "I don't care."

So she turned him into a woman!

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Why do monkeys have big noses?
Because they have big fingers!!

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Danny: Miss would you yell at me for doing something I didn't do?
Teacher: No.
Danny: Good, because I didn't do my homework!

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Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?

A: It was the chicken's day off.

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Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old man:
"What is three times three?"
274 was his reply
The doctor says to the second man:
"It is your turn. What is three times three?"
Tuesday replies the second man
The doctor says to the third man:
"Ok, your turn. What is three times three?"
"Nine", says the third man.
"That's great. how did you get that?"
"So simple", says the third man, "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday!"

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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work!?"

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