Carnival

All these festive colors and crazy rides really should make me happy. The sweets, the friends, and the moments should all be so much more than memorable. Instead, it makes me sick.

They’re sharing a ride together. She’s screaming, and he’s laughing, arm around her, hugging her close so she doesn’t fall out of the fake, blue rocket. Her blond hair is whipping through the self made wind as the machine pulls them faster, faster, up and down in circles until the smaller children look like they’re ready to throw up.

My stomach knows exactly how they feel.

I resist the sudden urge to walk home where I can go hide in my bed from the world. The only reason I don’t give in to my temptation, though, was this weird attraction to the sparkle in his eyes and the sound of his laugh. Though it’s not directed at me, I still feel the warmth that radiates from him.

Neither of them see me, however. I am just a face in the mass, enjoying the warm carnival night.

As I continue to watch them, I feel his arm slid across my shoulders, and I can smell his cotton candy breath as he kisses my temple. I look up and force a beaming smile; Teddy has been a good boyfriend.

You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.