"So yes, I'd be a hero
And if my wish were granted,
Life would be enchanted
Or so the stories say."

Who I'd Be - Shrek the Musical

“I had no idea you were going to be a blubbering mess by the end of the performance.” Osamu commented dryly as he walked with Sara out of the music hall. Sara sent him a dirty look and wiped her finger under her eyes again. She had begun crying the minute the finale started, and had only just stopped the stream of tears that were coursing down her face. Osamu rolled his eyes but the look on his face was one of amusement, not annoyance.

“I cry at everything.” Sara confessed, lifting one shoulder in a shrug. “Music tugs at my heart deeper than most things. The finale is always a little too much for me to handle; it’s just so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Say what you want about Raoul, I will never understand why she doesn’t choose Erik.”

“You know his name. I’m impressed.” Osamu rummaged in his pockets for the keys. He produced them and unlocked the door, waiting until they both slid inside the car to finish his train of thought. “In the original novel, the engagement between Raoul and Christine was fake - a set up they thought would hopefully scare off Erik. While I sympathize with Erik,, and personally think Raoul is the epitome of pansy, I can understand Christine’s side. She was sixteen, where as Erik was most likely around forty, maybe even fifty years old. As passionate as he is about his love for her, he’s also quite frightening. If you were a sixteen year old, would you go with the man who terrifies you at every turn, or the rich gentlemen who is offering you the comfort and shelter you desire?”

“I think I would still choose Erik. He might be crazy and obsessive, but his love for her was pure. Who says that Raoul wouldn’t have been sick of her two years later? After all, he only based his love for her off a crush he had on a child. That’s disturbing.”

“That’s one way to look at it, I suppose.”

Sara raised an eyebrow. “You don’t agree?”

“I think girls, young girls in particular, tend to jump for the ‘bad guy’ because they like the adventure and think they can handle the challenges. In reality, they’re far too young and immature to be able to handle the problems that would be thrown their way.” He gave her a pointed look “Not everything that seems exciting and pure is always that way.”

She began to have the feeling they were no longer talking about Phantom of the Opera. “But what if the advantages are worth the craziness and possible pitfalls?”

Osamu was silent for a while before answering. “I suppose if she were honestly willing. If she came into the relationship knowing the issues at hand, maybe she wouldn’t bail. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of them for Christine to have said yes, only to find out later that she wasn’t in love with, and couldn’t handle this scary man who had once seemed so enthralling.”

“You’re right.” Sara agreed. “But maybe if he explained?”

“Maybe.”

They drove in silence for a few minutes while Sara contemplated on what to do. Osamu looked to be in deep thought on his side of the car. Twice, he sucked in a breath and opened his mouth as though he were going to speak, only to close it again. She pulled her legs up to her chest and focused on the dashboard.

“What are we exactly?”

The sudden noise jerked Sara out of her daze. “I’m sorry?”

“In your personal opinion, where do you place us? Are we friends? Are we dating? Friends with benefits?” Osamu glanced away from the road, to look at her.

“I was hoping you could answer that question for me. I know where I personally stand on the matter, but you seem to disagree with me a lot.” She chanced small smile to let him know she was teasing. He seemed to take it well, for he snorted.

“I am a failure at relationships.”

“And I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

This time, Osamu’s look was one of startled confusion. “You’re kidding.”

“You sound surprised.” Sara wasn’t sure if she should be offended by that or not.

“I figure most people have had at least one coupling by the time they’re nineteen.” Osamu tilted his head to the side. “At least those who grew up in the Western hemisphere.”

“We’re backward then. You culture doesn’t promote dating in high school, yet you obviously did. Mine shoves it down our throats, and I refrained.” She grinned.

He matched it. “Where did we go wrong?”

“You told me once the reason you don’t trust people is because of your ex-girlfriend. What happened? Was it really that bad?”

Osamu hesitated, as if deciding whether or not to answer honestly. He swallowed a few times, and grimaced. “It . . . Wasn’t exactly the most glorious of situations, and it isn’t something I’m exactly proud of. It was very long, and it was messy. I was also way to young to have been involved in a relationship like that.”

“How young?”

“At the end of the relationship, I was eighteen.” Osamu was avoiding her question.

“And at the beginning.”

Another short pause. “I was fourteen.”

That wasn’t so unusual, Sara though. She had known people who had been dating by the time they were fourteen, and that included her younger sister. Then again, she had to admit she didn’t know anything about the Japanese culture when it came to dating. What was common in her country was probably not so common where he came from. She voiced her thoughts anyway. “Fourteen isn’t such a bad age to be “going out” with someone.”

“Going out with, no. But there were other things involved.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

That wasn’t fair. “Hey, we’re supposed to be opening up and talking here.”

Osamu sighed. “It isn’t as though I’m trying to keep secrets from you, but this really isn’t something I want to discuss on a first date. I told you - the situation between Tani and I was very long and messy. We have about five years of history all together. In short, about three years of “Oh Osamu, I really like you, and I love to do things with you, but you’re way too young for me.” “Oh, but you’re the only person who’s ever really cared for me.” Osamu drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “It basically ended when I turned eighteen and finally got the nerve to propose to her. That was a little over two years ago, but I could have told you then I was too young. I just wanted her, and only her. So I proposed. She said she’d think about it. The next morning, I woke up to find she’d taken a job offer to teach in China. I haven’t heard from her since.”

Sara blinked. “She turned down a proposal to go teach in China? Why China?”

“God only knows. I think she just wanted an escape.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“That’s Tani.” Osamu cut off that conversation by turning to Sara again, and reaching over and poking her with one long finger. “What about you? You’ve never had a boyfriend? What about Motomiya; I figured he always had the hots for you.”

“He does.” Sara admitted. “But he realized it way too late. I had a crush on him from the time I was about sixteen until his senior year of high school. He was always too busy flirting with the other girls, like Adelle Richardson and sometimes Shannon O’Connor to really care about me. Then he got involved with the crowds, and the drinking, and the drugs . . . After that, it was rehab and making sure he was on the straight path. Honestly, I’ve been more of a babysitter to Caleb than anything. By the time he finally realized I might be worth dating, I had already moved on.”

“And there’s never been anyone else?” Osamu seem skeptical.

“I used to really like my friend Joshua, but he was always with Shannon.” Sara thought a little bit. “There were a few guys who were interested in me but none that I really thought were worth my time. I don’t date unless I can see myself marrying the person. You never know who you’ll fall in love with.”

“You’re on a date with me.”

“Yes.”

He gave her a curious glance. “You can see yourself marrying me?”

Sara couldn’t answer that honestly. “I would like to see where this goes.”

“Which leads me back to my original question. After this date tonight, where does this put us?”

“I would like to see where this goes.”

“In other words, you would like to date me?”

He was making this far more difficult than it needed to be. “Yes, Osamu. I would like to date you. That is, unless, you suddenly decide not to like me again.”

“I never not liked you.” Osamu admitted. “I just didn’t trust you. I told you, Tani killed the way I view relationships. With the exception of my parents marriage, I haven’t known one that isn’t either ended in divorce, or adultery. People lie, and they cheat, and they hurt you. I have enough trust issues as it is.”

“You keep referring to these ‘issues’ of yours, but you never say what.” Sara commented. “As your potential girlfriend, I think I have a right to know what is going on in that brain of yours.”

At this, Osamu actually laughed. He sat there and chuckled while Sara glowered at him. “Find out what’s going on in my brain? Sara, if you can figure that out, you will have done something that my psychiatrist has been trying to do since I was thirteen.”

Sara sent him a look that told him she was not amused.

“Okay, okay.” Osamu slowed his chuckling, and shrugged a little. “I have a few . . . Problems.”

“Problems.”

“Mental problems.”

This wasn’t a surprise to her, honestly. “Are you depressed, or bi-polar or . . ?”

Osamu hesitated. “A little worse than that . . .”

“Can I ask -”

He cut her off. “I am in the process of officially being diagnosed as a schizophrenic.” Osamu paused, waiting on her to say something. When she didn’t he continued. “It’s not the scary type that you see in movies. I’m not threatening to kill people, I’m not dancing naked on the roof, and mine isn’t so bad that I can’t function in every day society . . That is, as long as I’m on my medication. It’s a serious illness, I won’t try to cover that up. But I will say that not it’s not as bad as what Hollywood and books would like you to believe that it is. For me, anyway.”

Sara blinked, unsure how to handle this type of information. “You say you’re not bad as long as you’re on your medication. You do take it regularly?”

“I do now. Trust me, you’ll know when I’m not taking it.”

“That’s bad, then?”

Osamu nodded. “There are signs. I’m not the best person to ask about that - I honestly don’t know. By the time I get to that stage, I’m usually so delirious I don’t know what’s going on. It’s another reason I’m wary about dating you. You need to know this, and you need to be aware - I’m sick. I’m very sick. Mentally ill. I might be calm and collected now, but if I suddenly decide I don’t need medication, or the medication stops working, you need to be prepared to handle me. This isn’t like cancer; you can’t cure this.”

“Can this be passed through genetics?”

Another nod. “Who ever I marry and potentially have children with needs to be aware of that. There’s a fifty percent chance of any offspring I have will develop this.”

It was a little too much to handle, though Sara couldn’t say she was entirely surprised. She had had her suspicions something wasn’t quite right with Osamu, although she hadn’t guessed it would be something as severe as schizophrenia. Sara tried push the stereotypical images from her mind and focus on what Osamu had told her. He would know the most about his own illness, wouldn’t he?

“Okay.” She said finally, giving him a small nod. “I understand.”

“Do you?” They were finally back into Tokyo, and stopped at a red light. Osamu took the opportunity to gaze at her, as if he were trying to see if she was really serious.

“I do. I’m okay with that. As long as you’re open and honest with me when thins are going on, I think I can handle it. I’ll at least try to the best of my ability.” Sara smiled at him

“You still think we have a chance for a relationship?”

“I do.”

“Then I guess . . . .I’m your boyfriend.”

This was far more awkward than Sara thought it would be. Both were silent until Osamu pulled up to the college dorms, and parked. Unsure of what to do from here, Sara grabbed her purse and stuffed her program in the souvenir bag. She turned to Osamu and gave him a brilliant smile. “Thank you so much for the evening. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed it.”

Osamu returned the smile, and Sara felt her heart flutter a little. “I need to go tell my mother the news. She’ll be starting on the wedding cake in the morning.” He rolled his eyes again, but the humor was there. “She’ll be excited - she’s been planning this since you were born. In fact, I’m just going to tell you to be prepared to have dinner with us Monday evening.”

“I can do that.”

“And bring your violin. We need to fine tune that piece before you present it to the class.” He bent down and brushed his lips against her cheek, and Sara immediately felt her face go scarlet. Osamu chuckled.

“Sleep well.’

After a really long haitus, I'm back and I think this time for good. I'm an old married woman now, and we've been having a lot of problems with apartments, and finances - all of which really took a huge chunk out of wanting to write. For the first time in six months, I actually feel like things might be okay. One good sign is this chapter. It's the first chapter in a long while that I'm actually proud of. Let me know what you think :)