27 April 2007

Sometimes I remember my first home. Before Vati found me. Two peoples wanted me to call them Vati and Mutter but I no wanted to. Not Mutter was scary. Her always wanted to touch me. It was weird. Sometimes her would try and hold on and say I'd always be hers. If someone else would try and touch me her would get upset. I no understand why.

Not Vati was no around a lot. Him had a camera and him would always be in the basement making movies. No one was allowed down there. I went one times. I saw a little girl. Her was bleeding. I told Not Vati that her was hurt and him hit me. I saw two men. They had blood on hims hands. Not Vati was still making the movie. Him say if I went down there again him would kill me like the girl and tape it.

Before her got rid of me Not Mutter say Not Vati made something called snuff films. Not Mutter say her had to let me go but she'd find me. I no want her to. I no want to know anything that happened. I just want to forget but at night I can't sometimes.

I wonder if Vati thinks about something like that when him screams at night. I no know what could be more scary than that.

...

I hadn't slept much since I'd returned to the real world. Jade had been out of sight, with the exception of her appearances at Hostile Takeover. I hated to admit it, but sometimes I wished that when I opened my eyes in the middle of the night; Christine would be there, sleeping peacefully as always. I missed those curly red locks of hair dangling across that angelic face of peace. Somehow I thought that when I came back, things would be like they once were. Jade would be there for me like she had always been, and we'd return to being one happy little family. I guess life doesn't work that way sometimes.

This time around with Ace Anderson had brought around a dark side of me that I didn't particularly like. I'd learned a long time ago that a warrior fights as a last resort, and that fighting in competition is done out of sportsmanship and respect. Ace, however, had driven me to a place that even Green Eyes wouldn't venture. Green Eyes loved for humans to suffer, but he wasn't so demonic and mean-spirited about it as I had become.

An Elven Warrior was supposed to be pure of heart and above all, stay true to the code of the warrior. For the first time in any battle in which I'd ever engaged, I could honestly say that I hadn't stayed true to my code. Every time I struck Ace, it did more than release the fire for vengeance for all that he had done. It made me feel energized, alive… Moreso than it ever had before. I didn't just want to defeat Ace; I wanted him to suffer, to bleed, to beg me to stop.

The scariest part of all of that is I only knew it from looking back on it. For the most part, I couldn't recall firsthand what was going on during that match. One minute, the crowd was in a frenzy anticipating the showdown, and the next, my shaking hand was being raised with the title belt in my grasp. Something different was flowing through my veins. Something darker than the shade of the Elven forest… Something I never wanted to feel again.

...

Vati thinks I innocent and pure. Him believe that when he looks in my eyes he doesn't see anything bad. I'm glad him happy but he does not always see what I want him to.

I want to tell Vati what I saw. Not Vati was a killer and I know him still out there. Who's going to believe me though? I no want Vati to think I'm not his angel anymore. I need someone to talk to. A lady who watched Vati when him was sick said anytime I needed someone she would talk to me.

I think I should ask someone to take me there.

-Love, Emerald