For my Formal Theme in Lit. Class last school year. The objective was to write an expository narrative.

Solace

I remember going to church at that time. I was so excited since it was the first Sunday I get to spend with my grandmother who was back from Canada. I waited in the car for the kids to come out of the house. I felt light-headed but just shrugged, saying to myself that it was because of the weather. We went to the Parish and as I got out of the car, my brother noticed that I was pale. I waved his hand away, saying I was fine. We went in the church and took our seats, waiting for the priest. I didn’t know it was the start of the worst days of my life.

The Gospel was read and we sat down and listened to the homily. My mom asked me if I wanted a piece of candy seeing that I was constantly closing my eyes. I immediately said yes to her and popped the mint candy in my mouth. My mom took my hands in hers and tightened her hold on them. As the homily went on, I felt myself getting dizzier and light headed. I squeezed my eyes shut as the throbbing in my head got worse. All I remember was a bright white light engulfing my surroundings. I tried to suppress a sob. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for much longer and shut them as tight as I could. My mom asked if I was okay, even my grandmother too. I told them no, being honest to them. I said I felt like collapsing and that I couldn’t see anything else except for the face of the priest. All was white.

I couldn’t stand up after that. I felt so weak; I really thought I was going to collapse right there and then. As the mass ended, my brother guided me to the car. I told my mom that I wanted to go to the doctor’s. I sat down in the car and felt the ache in my head worsen. It was just too hot! My mom said that we could go the day after. It was already time for a check-up. The next day, we went to the doctor’s. I was so scared to find out what was wrong with me. I didn’t listen much to the conversation my mom was having with the family doctor. I concentrated on the look on my mom’s face. I can’t describe it at that time. It was a mixture of shock and sadness. I looked down at my feet, 

firmly planted on the ground and suppressed the tears threatening to flow. I don’t know what was happening! The throat infection I had was also too much! I clearly remember the conversation I had with the doctor as she explained my condition to me. I was suffering from extreme weight loss because I couldn’t eat properly. There was also the case of hyperacidity, almost leading to ulcer. My weight was 26 kilos, below average for a child of my age. I was about to enter grade 5. My swimming classes and training was one of the causes. My throat infection also affected my eating.

I had a very happy life before all the hype then. I had great friends, a wonderful family, and a good school. Some would say it’s the perfect life a child could have. I guess I was so naïve at that time. I thought that I had the worst condition. I was so dense. I didn’t realize it sooner then. Oh how wrong I was!

I remembered that I refused to eat at times then. After all, who would have if you had a condition like that? A chain of events made my condition worse. It was like I was in a state of depression. I thought that I couldn’t do anything right. They treated me like I was so fragile that I couldn’t do anything. They wouldn’t let me. I heard comments, hurtful comments. I pretended not to hear them but it was so painful. “She’s too thin,” they would say. I was like, “I know my condition, why even rub it in my face?” Then, I had a big fight with some of my friends over some pathetic thing which was a big deal then. I really thought I lost all my friends. The love I once felt was not there anymore.

During my treatment, I refused to take the medicine at first. It tasted awful and I had to drink at least two table spoons of it after every meal. I refused to eat the foods I needed to. It may sound silly but the weight of the different circumstances just sunk it at that time. It was like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders even though it wasn’t like that. I was so weak then. I really felt like giving up. I once blamed God for giving me such a condition. “Why me?” was always my question. I cried every night, thinking of the possibilities and what could happen.

The members of the family sympathized with me, especially my parents. They made almost every possible way for me to have an easy life. My brothers did their part too. It was a ‘less teasing and more loving condition’, as they put it. The people from my mom’s religious organization Focolare helped me a lot. They read Bible verses to me and 

offered their prayers for my sake. They led and guided me to the right path, the path of God. I started taking my medicine every day at the right time. I ate the ample amount of food I should. I started attending the noon mass at Nuestra Senora De Guia almost every day. I became closer to God. I got my will and strength to live from the people around me – my family, elders, family friends, best buds who never left my side and from Mother Mary. I prayed day and night that I will be able to live through all of this.

The people around me thought of me indifferently at first. It was quite painful, being compared to most of the children at your age – always being compared. It stopped at some point. The ache, I mean. I got used to it then. I gained a few set of friends who truly cared for me. They helped me when I got back to school. I treasured our friendship even more. As for my family, the whole predicament helped us. It taught us to be there for each other and to love each other even more. The love I once thought we lost was now back and even stronger. My brothers really did care for me. I became closer to God and Mary in such a way that I wanted to be a nun. Even though most people left me at that point, they were always there for me, silently guiding me from the shadows. God was like the director in a play, the play of my life. He put me through different scenarios and challenges. It was all a test for me to become stronger.

Thinking about it now makes my eyes well up with tears. I can’t believe that I almost lost my faith in God because of the whole situation. I realize that there are worst conditions out there. Much worse than what I have gone through and I almost gave up. I feel like I am so dense and stupid and so naïve. I want to hate myself for it. For almost, almost, losing my faith. It was a good thing that the encouragements and endearments the people gave me led me to God again. Prayer helped me a lot. I constantly pray right now that any person who is suffering a condition such as mine or even worse will not lose their belief and faith in God. Mom always says that in prayer, we can tell anything to God. It’s a means of communication. A prayer is very miraculous, she says. And yes, I do believe her. Prayer has taught me to hope. Hope for a better future, taking the challenges head on. I found my solace in prayer. The solace I don’t want to forget and let go.