Expectation
March.25.08

I don’t expect her to understand, hell o hell
I don’t expect her to know, delusion, out of mind
“Excellent” she murmurs, and o as she speaks to herself
Gesturing to the invisible strangers as I look away
Pretending not to see what I see everyday
Suddenly this room is not so alone, I am not so alone
There are creatures all about me but I don’t know how
I don’t know what as I suck in polluted air or
Airy pollution the smoke seems to whisper
I want to scream die cry breathe it all and survive
O I want you here and now to save me
I don’t expect a lot of her, from her, about her
Painful to sit and not-see what I’ve seen but
I do it all, and I do it again, nothing of what I please
what is this world? I am surrounded by.
I am only a spec within, miniscule without
I listen and try not to dream, try not to fear, not to
loose myself within emotion or chaos or truth
what it is it’s what it is it’s right. Wrong. Absolute.
I don’t expect her to give what she doesn’t rightly own
O how I pretend I don’t expect anything at all