Author: once rhythmatic PM
So, everything was normal. It was a sunny day, and I was happily talking to Stan, the pineapple. And then this hot ass stranger comes up to me and bites my neck - just fucking bites me! What the hell! *One-Shot, Slash*Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Words: 2,159 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 05-18-08 - Status: Complete - id: 2519239
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Warning: This story was written under the influence of caffiene at two in the morning with a possible possession by demonic pineapples.
One shot. slash
"Who's a good little pineapple? Oh, yes, yes, you are. And I'm about to devour you!" I said to a pineapple I had just bought. What should I name it? Hmm...
"Stan!" I burst out, a few passing people staring at me like I was crazy. This wasn't news to me. I had known I was crazy before I could even talk. My first word was actually "chicken."
Right. Back to my current situation- This pineapple. Stan. Stan was about to be eaten.
Wait, I don't like pineapples. Damn. I should've gotten an apple. Apples- yeah, apples aren't that bad. Or hell, an orange even.. Oranges are nasty, but they're orange. I hated the color orange, so I'd probably end up throwing it against a tree repeatedly. No, wait, I'd need several oranges then because I'm too lazy to pick the oranges up.. Hm.
Wait! The tree in front of me. It needed a name! Hm, what should I name it...
Susie. Why, yes, Susie sounds like a fabulous name. The tree- it shall be a male tree named Susie.
I felt like hugging myself. I thought that might look weird though, so instead I hugged the pineapple. I mean, Stan. Yeah, Stan. I hugged Stan.
All of a sudden, I felt teeth sink into my neck. I quickly turned around to see my attacker who just so happened to have orange hair. Oh, man, I wanted to just grab his head and throw it against Susie.
Ore. Ore is so his name. It's kinda like Orange, but an even less prettier name. No, wait, ORG. Oh, yes, Org is so his name from this moment on. In reality, the stupid weird looking guy known as Org was still standing there. His bright, almost frickin blinding orange hair fell a couple inches short of his shoulders, and he was dressed pretty casually. A white t-shirt with no writing on it with a pair of skintight black pants. Hm, they really highlighted his body. No, no, wait, you can not think even a semi good thought about Org! He bit you! Oh, wait, yeah, he bit me.
"Why did you bite me?" I asked, not really expecting his answer.
"I despise the color green." Mmmm, I love his voice. It's sexy.
What did I tell you about thinking good thoughts about him?! No! Nada! None!!
"Well, I hate the color orange. I really want to throw your head against Susie now!"
"Susie?" he inquired. Seriously, why was this guy even still standing here? I mean, really- if it had been me, I would not have bitten the person who's hair was the color that I despised. Then what would I have done? Hmm.. Maybe burned him alive and thrown his ashes on Pluto. Or... Had banana shaped monkeys rip out his heart and feed it to a green lion. Or used my amazing Jedi mind powers. Oh, what am I saying? All of those are too far fetched. I would've just called my penguin army and turn him into a one inch llama, feeding him only a green M&M once a day. Maybe. If he was lucky.
Now, back to reality. Org was still standing there, even though the last verbal response from me had been about five minutes ago. I sighed, deciding to answer his question. Well, something like that.
I ran up to the tree, hugging it. "Susie, I love you!"
"No! His name is Marie!!" shouted Org.
"No, no, no, his name is Susie!!" I retorted.
I think he said.. screamed.. something else, but meh, whatever. I didn't have time for this. I was going to be late for my daily appointment with my pretzels, ketchup, and keyboard. They got mad if I didn't show on time. I mean, last time I was late, the ketchup squirted me in the eye, the pretzels suddenly decided to be straight instead of twisted, and the keyboard kept fucking typing a instead of s.
"Wait! Where the fuck did Stan go?!" I said, partially in anger, partially in surprise that I didn't know where Stan was. "What the hell! I think he ran away from me!"
A passing woman smiled and asked, "Did your dog run away? I saw a cute little puppy not far from here.. Might be him."
It is safe to say the smile was not returned. "No, I didn't. I lost my pineapple."
Her smile faded, and she walked away quickly, almost in a run. Ha, another poor innocent human scared by the amazing Jacob! Okay, not so poor, not so innocent, but still- definitely human. Ahh, humans. I almost pity them. They're scared so easily..
I turned to look at Org, and he was smiling. No, no, wait, that was a smirk. What did he d- Oh, wait.
"Motherfuck!! You took Stan!!"
"Yes," he said simply. God, he was confusing.
I loved it.
People were always so simple. I liked a challenge.
"Give him back!"
"Pleeeeeasssssse?" I can't believe I just said please to Mr. I-love-the-color-orange aka Org.
"You'll have to make me a good offer if you want your precious Stan back," he said, the smirk never leaving his face. I swear I had no idea whatsoever why I did what I did next. No idea in hell. I think mutant oranges shaped like turtles must've invaded my mind and made me do it. That is the only explanation, my friends, for I would never in my right state of mind do such a god-awful thing.
"Hm. How's this?" I asked, bringing one hand to wrap around his waist. The other I placed on his face as I gently pressed my lips against his. My tongue poked around his lips, asking for entrance. Sure enough, entrance was granted, and my tongue began to explore his warm mouth. Mm, I never wanted this to end, but sure enough it did.
He pulled away. Just fucking pulled away. And walked away. Calmly. What the- why? Meh, you see, this is exactly why I don't like humans.
Wait, I'm contradicting myself.
Besides, I don't think he classifies as human, really.. He's just Org, the only member of his species. I looked behind me, and there was Stan just sitting there, smiling at me. Meh, stupid pineapple. I kicked it. It ended up hitting Susie. I now despised pineapples, almost as much as I despised the color orange. Seriously, orange has never given me a reason to like it. It's just a stupid color. Nothing good can ever come from the color orange. Ever! I mean, this one time, I was painting in art class, and I opened a thing of orange paint, and guess what? The motherfucking tube just fucking exploded all over my new fucking shirt. I always hated art from that day on. This other time I was flying a kite and there was this orange cat in a tree. The kite was so close to the tree I thought it was going to get stuck. Being the lucky person I am, it didn't get stuck, but the cat came tumbling down right smack on my face in an attempt to pounce on the kite. I think I've still got a scar or two on the side of my face from those deep fucking scratches. Man, they fucking burned.
Yeah, I use the word fucking a lot. I think it's the only string that still just barely so much as relates me to any form of human life.
Oh, right, damn, I'm gonna be late for my appointment. I rushed home as fast as I could where I found my mother cooking. I wondered what was so special. She almost never cooked. Meh, it's not really important. I bet you're wondering about my dad, huh? Well, you see, he discovered that I was unusual or as he put it the freak demon child from hell at my mere age of five and left my mom. I really didn't think he left me, because he was never really there for me, I guess. He always avoided me because of my freakness. Well, damn him to hell. He was destined to be a forty year old man living with his mother always. Oh, wait, haha, I nearly forgot. His mom kicked him out a couple months ago, told him he could be a lazy bum all he wanted, but he was just gonna have to be a lazy bum on the street. Ha, serves him right.
I didn't even bother with the ketchup and pretzels. I'd deal with their evilness some other time. I just went straight to my keyboard, which I found wasn't there.
Shit. It ran away. It fucking ran away. Dammit. I would blame Org on this, but he wasn't here.
I went back to the kitchen, finding that mom had just taken two delicious looking pies out of the oven. Chocolate- Lucy. And.. Lemon? Lemon's name is Matt.
"We're having guests over, honey. We got new neighbors today. A woman and her son. Her name is Michelle Garret, and her son is named Sean. Try not to be mean, mmkay?" she asked, her black hair falling to her waist. When had it become this long? Hm, mine was not nearly as long, seeing as it just barely covered my ears. My natural hair color was the same as hers. Sorry, mom, but I prefer green over black.
"Okay," I said to her. The doorbell rang, and I walked to get it, figuring that it would be the guests.
My mouth dropped. The Grand Canyon couldn't compare.
Regaining my calmness, I bowed, saying, "Hello, Mrs. Garret." When she was out of hearing distance, I said, "Hell-o, Org."
"Org?" he said, seeming amused.
"Yup. It's kinda like orange."
"You hate orange, don't you?" he asked. Of course I did! Didn't I prove that by...? Oh, wait, I don't think I did much to prove that. Besides, you know, stick my tongue down his throat.
"Yes." Ha, I can make pretty one word replies too, Org!
"Hm, let's see if we can change that," he said, pulling me outside and shutting the door quietly. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, waiting to see what he was going to do.
He pulled me close to him, his lips crashing onto mine with intensity, passion even. It was so amazing to feel his tongue battle mine for dominance. I think we would've been there, our tongues fighting, forever if he hadn't've let his other hand "slip" and "accidentally" touch my ass in a grab-like manner.
"Cheater!" I called out.
"Hmmmm," his lips sounded before pressing themselves back against mine. He tasted wonderful- like a mixture of ketchup and pretzels.
Finally, our kiss ended. Only because we heard "Where are you, boys?!" being shouted from within the house. We slowly slipped back in the door, not wanting to rejoin our mothers.
Dinner was pretty uneventful unless you count a pee flicking me in the nose. I think the pea and Org are in some kind of conspiracy against me. That is the only plausible explanation.
"Dessert time!" my mother exclaimed, brining out two pies. Mm, Lucy and Matt seemed appealing. I liked Matt more though. Probably because he was male and lemon..
"I'll have a piece of lemon, Ms. Simon," Org said, and I couldn't help but to smile. He smiled back, winking. I just noticed how beautiful his eyes were in all of their icy blue glory.
When our mothers went to get the desert, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Lemon. Me. You. Tonight. Whadda ya say?" There goes that damn wink again.
I smiled. Like a frickin yaoi fangirl, like a frickin Barbie getting asked to the prom by Ken, like a frickin Japanese school girl with her first crush..
Right, back to the question at hand. No, no, no, you can't. You don't know him. His hair's orange. He tooketh your pineapple. He's evil. An obvious spawn of Satan himself. Or worse- Brittany Spears... He's in conspiracy with the peas and he tried to take Susie from you. No, no, no, no, no.
Of all the things running through my mind, I just had to say, "Sure."
Suddenly, I don't think I hate the color orange so much anymore.