History
A 3-Part Song

I. Repeat

How do I say this?
How do I explain?
It’s hard for me to contain this
Undeniable, indescribable,
Yet confusing feeling
That I’m feeling

I like you
But I don’t wanna get involved
I try to
Think of how happy we would be
But there’s something inside of me
That just won’t set me free
I’ve been trying to forget it
But my wounded heart won’t let it
Oh can’t you see
I need some help to set me free

My past won’t let me move on
To try again in something that has failed
And if the words are true
Then history will repeat itself
And I don’t wanna repeat this
Repeat this same mistake with you

I know that
You would not treat me like he did
You’re better
Than he was ever gonna be
But there’s something that’s stopping me
From your sincerity
I’m afraid of hurting myself
If my take my heart off the shelf
And give it to you
It’s the worst thing I could do

My past won’t let me move on
To try again in something that has failed
And if the words are true
Then history will repeat itself
And I don’t wanna repeat this
Repeat this same mistake with you

How do I say this?
How do I stop myself?
It’s getting harder and harder to contain it
But I won’t let myself repeat the words
“I love you”

II. With You

I’m glad it happened
I’m glad I opened up
It was so hard to restrain this
Undeniable, indescribable
Feeling that I had

I finally said that I love you
And look at where we are
A couple of smiling faces
A tender hand’s caress
Lying on the grass beside you
Looking out up at the stars
It feels so perfect
Lying here where you are

You helped me get through my pain
You pulled me in from the pouring rain
I now can honestly say
I’ve never felt this way before
He was ancient history
And now I’m looking into the future
With you

I feel I can be free around you
Let my insecurities go
A couple of laughing children
A playground’s swings take flight
Running on the grass beside you
Not afraid to stop or go
It feels so perfect
Playing here where you are

You helped me get through my pain
You pulled me in from the pouring rain
I now can honestly say
I’ve never felt this way before
He was ancient history
And now I’m looking into the future
With you

I’m glad it happened
I’m glad I opened up to you
It was terribly futile to restrain this
But now I’m free to whisper
“I love you”

III. Like Him

What can I say to this?
Why don’t you explain?
I never should’ve revealed this
Undeniable, indescribable
Now familiar feeling
That I’m feeling

I was afraid to get with you
Because what happened to
The last time I caved in
To a guy and his promises
I’ll never forget
The way we could’ve been
But then that boy broke his word
And then last I heard
He’s back in the dating biz
But whenever I told you
That’s why I was skeptical
Your answer was always this:
“I’m not him”.

But, just like him, you turned me out
Into the streets of single youth
And just like him, your sugar-coated words
Hid the bitterness of truth
But maybe I’m just being immature
But then again, so are you
You kicked my feelings to the curb
You took back your caressing words
You showed me that your kind
Is more the kiss-and-run
Just like him

I was afraid I’d start a trend
Knowing how it would end
In my incessant tears
By this unfailing history course
Taught by too cruel a force
That toys with my fragile years
When you lied with your pretty face
Led me into the place
Of heartbreak, traps, and shame
So whenever I think of you
And all that we’ve been through
Your three words, I will blame:
“I’m not him”

See, just like him, you turned me out
Into the streets of single youth
And just like him, your sugar-coated words
Hid the bitterness of truth
But maybe I’m just being immature
But then again, so are you
You kicked my feelings to the curb
You took back your caressing words
You showed me that your kind
Is more the kiss-and-run
Just like him

What can I say to this?
What can I possibly say to you?
You led me on when I was vulnerable…
And now I’ll never feel secure again to repeat the words
“I love you”.

Based on a true story (July-September 2007)

Dedicated to "Andy"