It was official. My coworkers loved him. I knew it was a good idea to have him come over to the office. They’ve been wanting to meet him for an eternity. I had no doubt that they would totally approve of him. After all, they were pretty much part of this relationship as well. “Candace, are you dating him yet?” “Candace, plan your anniversary already! I’ll help you!” “Candace, I need to meet him!” Candace this, Candace that… yup, they finally got their wish. It’s not like I was reluctant to show him off. He just lived about an hour away from the club, so this was a big problem concerning convenience. I was just so happy that I had a boyfriend who chose me over convenience. That’s what love’s about, isn’t it? Sacrifice?

I looked up at his face from the lounge chair I was sitting on. He was sitting on the counter across from me, his posture laid back and comfortable. He was just so perfect and charismatic. He simply seemed to fit in, no matter what environment. I couldn’t help but smile dreamily. I could practically see a halo over his dark blonde curls. He was gorgeous. He was angelic. He was…

He was staring out the window, not even noticing me sitting there. I turned my head and looked out the window. There was Kelsi in her skimpy 2-piece lifeguard suit, easing herself into the water. She waded out to secure the inflatable floating island to the middle of the pool, pulling up ropes and metal clips. Her boyfriend Raymond was standing at the ledge, tying down ropes on the edge of the pool. I sighed as I stared at them. Those two were living proof that relationships could work out between coworkers. If only Billy had been able to see that. He wouldn’t have been so quick to reject me if he wasn’t so convinced that relationships between coworkers were like “a train derailed”, to use his own words. I inwardly shrugged. I didn’t need him anymore when I was dating Mister Perfect. Okay, not only dating. He completed me.

“Kelsi is hot.” A breathy voice sighed. I spun around and glared.

“Anthony!” I hissed. So much for Mister Perfect. Anthony quickly caught my look and raised his hands in defense. I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow incredulously.

“Whoa! Um… I mean, she’s pretty and all, but you’re… aw damn, I’m sorry, Baby! You know I didn’t mean it that way!” Anthony stammered, his tan being replaced by a deep pink blush. I felt myself melt. Damnit. I was a sucker for Anthony. Especially when he called me “Baby”. I felt as if I could jump up and fly every time he called; me that. Wow, I was weak… but then again, I was in love. I had an excuse. I slowly shook my head and grinned.

“It’s cool, Hun.” I sighed. “She IS pretty hot. I mean, she’s got the best bod out of all the guards here. I can’t begin to tell you how many guys I’ve seen in the water checking her out.” Anthony still looked concerned.

“You do know I didn’t mean any offense, Baby. I mean, I can tell if a girl is hot, but that doesn’t mean I chase after every single one.” He said apologetically. I had to agree with him there. Ever since before we were dating, he’s been really open about who he thought was attractive, and he had no shame in saying it to me out of all people, so I could see that he was being serious. Besides, I’ve been pretty open about my other crushes to him as well.

“I know, Anthony. And don’t worry. I don’t have anything against Kelsi. I mean, she DID give us the hook-up.” I said, feeling my face heat up at the last comment. Anthony grunted and pushed off the counter, landing on the lounge chair beside me. I yelped when the chair jerked up with his weight. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“Speaking of which, shall we?” he asked, a mischievous tone in his voice. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

“Anthony, not here!” I scolded playfully. Just then, Kelsi burst through the door, dripping wet.

“Guys, what are you still doing here? I thought you were going for some private time!” she said in her excited, high-pitched voice. Raymond stepped through the door quietly, holding up Kelsi’s towel.

“Is the coast clear?” I asked, prying myself out of Anthony’s grasp and standing up from the chair. Kelsi shook off some water, making Raymond shrink behind the towel, slightly cringing. I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.

“Yeah, I just checked. So go on before it gets taken!” Kelsi urged. “It’s not gonna be vacant forever!” She grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her waist.

“You’ll keep watch, right?” I asked cautiously. The last thing I wanted was a disturbance. Kelsi rolled her eyes.

“Honey, if I had my way, Ray and I wouldn’t even need to watch from the outside. We’d be in there joining you. But duh, I’m gonna be on sentry duty for you!” she said, smiling. I grabbed my swimbag then returned to Anthony’s side, pulling him up off the chair.

“No chance, Kelsi.” Raymond laughed, looking grateful that he wasn’t being dragged into a foursome. I didn’t blame him. Raymond was pretty much the polar opposite of Kelsi. They were practically fire and ice… Kelsi being fire, of course.

“Great.” I mumbled, grabbing Anthony’s hand. The fact that we were doing this at long last… well, it finally registered in my head. And to be perfectly honest, I was nervous as heck. I mean, Anthony had been wanting this for months. All of his begging and pleading, and I finally caved in. What can I say? He wore down my resolve. We walked past Kelsi, who gave us a thumbs-up.

“Try not to have too much fun, alrighty, kids?” she joked, resting her head on Raymond’s chest. He grimaced at the cold water in her hair seeping into his shirt.

“Kelsi!” I hissed before heading out the door. “Don’t give him any ideas!”

“Oh, don’t give ME any ideas?” Anthony raised an eyebrow at me. “Well, excuse me for being the bad guy here!” he laughed. I shook my head and led him out the pool door and down a hallway. I pulled him into an empty room labeled “Unisex bathroom”.

“Nice.” He said, looking around. The unisex wasn’t much, but it was definitely enough for what we had in mind. This was the only bathroom with a padded cot attached to the wall for handicap purposes... or other purposes, in this case. That’s why Kelsi targeted this room for us. I broke away from him to find a place to set down my bag.

“I know, isn’t it?” I replied, turning my face to hide my nervous expression. Oh geez… I took a deep breath. If this was gonna happen, I had to be confident about this. I straightened up and looked at myself in the mirror. I wiped the anxiety off my face and replaced it with a rehearsed suggestive smirk. I turned and strode to Anthony, who had his back turned, figuring out how to lock the door. As soon as I heard the lock flip and the door click shut, I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around roughly to face me. The last thing I saw was a confused yet hungry look on his face before I squeezed my eyes shut and locked my lips onto his. If I was gonna be nervous, I was at least gonna make it so that he wouldn’t see. After a few seconds, he gently pushed me away.

“Hold on, Baby, I gotta get rid of my gum.” He said, leaning into my face and playfully blowing a small bubble onto my nose.

“Hey!” I giggled, wiping my nose with my shirt. He grinned and slid away, heading for the trash can. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply again. I kept a mantra in my head: “Calm, controlled, in love. Calm, controlled, in love.”

“So, you wanted to show me something?” Anthony asked, having disposed of the gum.

“Yeah, hold up.” I said, kneeling down by my bag and pulling out a small bundle of clothing. I pulled it apart and held it up for him to see. “New string bikini. Cost me about 40 bucks, but that’s what gift cards are for.” Anthony’s eyes grew misty as he stared at the skimpy suit.

“Damn… that would look great on you.” He breathed, obviously already giving it some thought. I bit my lip.

“Um… I’m gonna go… uh… put it on… or something.” I stammered, stepping back. “Be right back, okay Hun?” I disappeared into the shower stall and shut the curtain. Once inside, I mentally slapped myself. What the heck was that? I was supposed to be confident! I was supposed to want this! “Calm, controlled, in love.” I relaxed. I did love him… enough to do this. I began stripping off my clothes.

“Hey, Candace, can I take a look?” I heard Anthony’s voice from the other side of the curtain.

“I’m not ready yet!”

“That’s what I meant!”

“Anthony!” I scolded.

“Sorry. I’ll wait.” I heard his footsteps back up, and I pressed a hand to my chest. My heart was beating so loud, I thought Anthony might hear it. “Calm, controlled, in love.” I shook it off and set to work, tying the top around my chest, then my neck. So many opportunities for him to pull it off. That thought scared me. “Calm, controlled, in love.” I pulled up the bottom piece quickly, and in the process, I caught sight of my stomach. I cringed. It was a good thing I didn’t eat anything since last night, or else my stomach wouldn’t be behaving nearly as well. Regardless, it was still rounded enough for me to feel self conscious. I sucked it in slightly before pulling the curtain open. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and stepped out. Anthony was sitting patiently on the cot. I dumped my clothes on top of my bag and walked up to him so that I was looking down at his face… well, actually, it wasn’t his face that was begging for attention… I made a point to keep my eyes away from that, though. I was having a hard enough time, and I didn’t need another reason to freak out.

“You look amazing.” He said softly, slowly standing up and wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me towards him.

“Um, this thing still has the sales tags on it.” I blurted out, trying to steer his mind away. I flinched. Damnit, I did it again! Oh well. Too late now. “Can you help me take these tags off? I got scissors in my bag.”

“Sure.” Anthony said, shrugging. I smiled thankfully and pushed away from him, going for the scissors. The fact that I had to turn around and bend over to get them didn’t escape me. I could almost feel his eyes on me as I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a small pair of craft scissors. I held them up.

“Okay then, here we go.” I said, standing up. I walked over to the mirror and set the scissors down next to the sink. Anthony picked up the scissors and grasped the tag attached to the bottom piece. I gasped as I felt the material slipping off. “Anthony, what are you doing?” I cried, grabbing the bikini and pulling it back up over my ass.

“Aw, hiding something? Why so shy?” Anthony cooed, bringing his lips right to the side of my neck. I felt my resolve weaken. I gripped the edge of the sink. Then, I heard a small snipping sound, and Anthony backed off, dangling the tag behind me so that I could see it in the mirror. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thanks.” I said, smiling weakly. Then, he handed me the scissors, and I hastily snipped off the two tags on my top. Anthony picked them up and tossed them into the trash can. Then, he turned to me and pushed my chin lightly with his fingertips until I was staring into his eyes. I felt my breath catch in my throat. Those eyes. Such a myriad of colors. Blue, green, black, even with flecks of brown and orange. They were mesmerizing.

“Candace, I love you.” He whispered, his fingers trailing down to my shoulder. I felt a small shiver.

“I love you too, Anthony.” I sighed, the only words that could escape my lips before he leaned in and kissed me. I felt my knees buckle slightly, and my arm immediately linked around his neck. “Calm, controlled, in love. Calm, controlled, in love. Calm, controlled, in…” Ah, screw that! I had no control! It was all Anthony. Anthony’s arms around me… Anthony’s lips against mine… I allowed my tongue to wander, to search what more of Anthony there was beyond those perfect, angelic lips. Anthony. Everything in my head was flooded of imaged of me and Anthony. Hiding by the entrance at the swim meet… Under the staircase at my school… On the couch in my family room…

Anthony broke away, leaving me drowning in memories of previous “events”.

“Lie down.” He softly commanded, the hungry, wanting tone back in his voice. I looked behind me and found that he had steered me to the cot, and the back of my legs were pressed against the edge. Anchoring my hands behind his neck, I slowly lowered myself until my back was sinking into the shallow mattress. He then eased himself on top of me, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart skipped a beat. Then, I felt a small stab of pain as his weight pinned my legs down, the cot cutting into my thighs slightly. I winced, but waved it away. I was his. And whatever he wanted, I would do.

“Anthony.” I whispered, feeling his lips press against mine, then his tongue slip through. Anthony. Nothing else. Just Anthony. I ran my hands down his back, gripping his shirt roughly. I wanted him. Screw my common sense. This was what I wanted. I yanked his shirt up, and he responded by pushing himself off me and sliding his shirt off wordlessly, flinging it on top of my bag. “Well, that makes things a bit more fair.” I said, smirking. Okay, not really. With Anthony off me, I gained a bit more of my head back, and realized the sad odds concerning clothing. I was wearing a string bikini, complete with little dangling seashell decorations that were cutting a bit into my skin. Anthony, minus the shirt, was wearing boxers and denim shorts. The demin was rough too. I could feel my thighs tingling from the abrasiveness of the fabric once he backed off. Yeah, unfair. I crossed my arms and looked up at him expectantly. He shrugged.

“Okay, so I’m a bit shy down there.” He admitted. I used this time to adjust the painful positioning of my legs.

“So that’s your excuse, huh?” I asked, shaking my head slightly. “I don’t think so. Jeans or no jeans, what I felt was the furthest thing from shy.” Anthony chuckled.

“So I’m happy to see you. Sue me.” He said, shrugging. I laughed. Then, I watched as his face grew serious, and he lowered himself over me, but instead of lying on top of me, he propped himself up with his elbows at my sides, and I felt his hands slip under my top. Red light! Red light!

“Anthony!” I gasped, clapping my hands over my chest protectively. No love spell could keep me from protecting my last shreds of dignity! Then, I inwardly cursed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it when push came to shove! Ugh, damnit…

“Don’t worry, I’m not taking it off.” He said soothingly, then slipped his hands underneath. I felt my resolve weaken again. Aw, Hell!

“Hands.” I said, then faltered. What the heck? I was supposed to be prepared for this! Finally, here we are, and I’m backing out! I felt nothing but disappointment for myself. I had to forget about my dignity for a second! I loved him, for crying out loud! My hands ran down his sides and gripped the belt loops of his jeans in frustration. He responded by flattening himself against me and placing his lips over mine again. I heard him moan. I felt his heart beat. I swallowed and squeezed my eyes shut. It was now or never. Reluctantly, my left hand left his body and reached behind my neck. My fingers found a bikini string, and I slowly but surely pulled it free of its knot. No turning back now.

“Anthony.” I whispered, pushing his head back gently. He looked up over my head at the untied string. He glanced at my face questioningly. I nodded in assurance, pushing back the red lights that were blaring in the back of my head, warning me not to pull through, or else I'd be sorry... extremely sorry. I looked down and saw his hands grasp the material. I placed my hands over his, pausing him. I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to see Anthony’s eyes fill with the first satisfaction of lust and physical yearning. I didn’t want him to love me this way. And yet… it was the only way he loved me. I felt tears stinging my shut eyelids. If this is what he wanted, then this is what he’s getting. I wanted to show him that I loved him. I wanted to show him… I took one last deep breath, and then pushed his hands, with the bikini top, down to my waist.

“NO!”

I snapped up into sitting position. Darkness. I faintly made out the dark outlines of my room. I saw the large picture of Anthony on my closet, taped up beside my pinup of Michael Phelps. I looked down. My arms were crossed over my chest protectively. I placed one of my hands over my throat, which was stinging and hoarse from the sudden scream.

“Get out of my head, damnit!” I hissed, grabbing a small pillow and flinging it across the room at Anthony's picture. The pillow landed a few inches away, barely grazing the closet. I closed my eyes and fell back onto my pillow, hot with perspiration and deformed by my subconscious thrashing.

“Damn him.” I whispered, bringing the blankets over my face and wiping my eyes on them. Geez, was I glad that we didn’t go all the way that day… but all the same, I gave him my innocence. I shared with him my deepest secret. I suppressed my damn dignity just for him! I did it because I loved him! And he left me. I didn’t see him all summer after that. The next time I could remember seeing him, Christina was on his lap, and he was gazing at her in an even more intense love than he had ever used on me. The memory was too painful for me to go over once more. I bit my lip to hold in a sob.

“Anthony.”