AN: Nothing special here, just something based on a dream I had. Hope you enjoy.

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To My Dearest Samuel,

Do you know what it feels like to die? No, I guess you wouldn’t. If you’re reading this, chances are that you’re still alive. But then again, I only asked if you knew what it felt like; I never asked whether you were dead yet. After all, I’m not dead, and I know very well what death feels like.

I’m probably not making much sense, am I? Oh, well. Making sense is the least of my worries right now. But, Samuel, I hope that there is a chance that what I’m writing down here will help you learn just a little bit about where you came from, and let you know just why you’re where you are today.

If things went as I hoped, you still have Derekal with you, and you’re both still alive. That depends on if Red-Eye didn’t have you killed, or some other complication arose that were out of your control. I hope not. I want to feel like I was in some way useful to your survival for so long.

I’m sorry; I shouldn’t be rambling on about the future when it’s the past I’ve got to talk about. I only have a few hours left before Derekal comes back to check on me and when he does…well, you probably already know what I asked him to do.

The best place to start, I think, would be to tell you about your father. He was a great man, and I loved him very much. His name was Clinton Sommers. He was one of the first to die from the Kilton disease, a deadly virus that slowly destroys the body from the inside out. Don’t bother looking for his grave. Funeral arrangements were the least of anyone’s worries at the time, and his body was thrown into the ocean along with thousands of others.

That horrible disease seemed to be the beginning of the end for the human race. It first appeared in 2221. Nobody knew what it was and couldn’t defend against it. Over half the world’s population was wiped out by the first wave of it.

Before the disease, the world was a Utopia of ease and clean-burning machinery. I think you would have liked it. It was once a great place to raise a child. When I first conceived you, I couldn’t wait for you to be born so I could raise you in this world.

Scientists eventually found a cure for it. It was supposed to help us build up immunity to the disease, so we’d never have to worry about it again, but we soon learned that it was only temporary. They tried so hard to figure out why it didn’t stick.

They eventually found it, of course. The atmosphere was breaking down and turning into poisonous gas. As long as we remained on Earth, we would never get rid of the disease. There were space stations which were very inhabitable orbiting Earth, but space was limited. So only the richest or most important people were sent to safety. I, unfortunately, was not among them.

When I gave birth to you, the world had already reverted back to an age of fear and basic instincts. Every day was a fight for survival; dog-eat-dog. My own friends tried to kill me once because they couldn’t afford any medicine and I could.

By some stroke of luck, I didn’t contract the Kilton disease while I was pregnant with you, and you were brought into the world as a healthy little boy. It made me so happy that you were born safely, but I was worried. We didn’t have a lot of money, and the little we did have had to go towards medicine for when you did eventually contract the disease. I knew I wouldn’t be clean for much longer either. Nobody was immune.

Groups of people, pirates, had reverted back to old ways of stealing and pillaging. The only thing that changed was the ships. They stole large amounts of medicine and money from abandoned banks and vaults. This made things difficult for those of us still trying to retain human values on Earth. I could barely afford it as it was, and with it in short supply the prices were raised.

It got to the point where I was desperate. I’m sorry to say that I did steal it. But you have to understand, I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t completely necessary. I hid from the police in a ship I thought was abandoned; it certainly seemed that way at the time. Unfortunately, I was mistaken.

When the pirates found us, I was certain we were going to die right then. They didn’t want to listen to my pleas or explanations, and didn’t accept that it was all just a misunderstanding. They were convinced that I was a stowaway, bent on stealing all of their stores.

They dragged us to Red-Eye’s cabin, none too gently. He would decide our fate, they said. Red-Eye was a horrible man. His hair was black and streaked with dirt, spreading down into a beard with bits of food sticking out. His eyes were beady and cold. They surveyed me with a cold glare as I knelt on the floor, waiting for him to make his decision. My only wish was that he would allow you to live.

He wanted to kill me, that much was clear. But his first mate, Derekal, convinced him to let us live. I am in his debt forever because of it.

I was put to work on the ship. I will spare you the details, as it is not important and you most likely know already. We were on that ship for nearly a year. It wasn’t all bad. I spent all of my free time on deck with you and Derekal, staring out over the ocean. It was so beautiful, Samuel. I hope you still look at it. I had never truly seen it before; not like that. Not in the way that it was all I could see for miles. Besides you, it was the one thing that gave my life any happiness.

They sent me on land to get the medicine for them when necessary. I had made the trip a dozen times before, and usually got plenty enough to spare for any emergencies. They kept you on the ships to ensure I would return, but they needn’t have worried. I had nowhere else to go, and I would have stayed with Derekal anyway.

On one particular run, the cops caught me stealing it. I barely got away with my life and only slightly more than half my usual amount of medicine. Red-Eye beat me later for not bringing back enough. I took it without complaint, because I knew I had done badly and should have tried harder to get more before returning. Unfortunately, my failure had also earned me a lesser cut of the medicine than normal.

Usually, I had more so that I could use it on both of us, but with such a small amount, I knew that sharing it wouldn’t help us for very long. And I also knew Red-Eye wouldn’t stop to get more until one of his men needed some. I was not counted among them, and was thus unimportant. I was scared to die, but having to watch you die scared me even more. So I did the only thing I could; I injected the entire bottle into you.

Over the next few weeks, the Kilton disease ravaged my body. It started out with a mild headache, one that you wouldn’t really notice if you weren’t paying attention. It progressed into symptoms similar to that of the flu; shaking, lowered body heat, dizziness. Those symptoms faded, giving the illusion that I was getting better. But that’s how it tricked you. Afterwards, I started going blind, and would often find myself falling asleep at inopportune times. By this stage, I knew I was going to die. So I asked Derekal to find me a pen and paper to write you a note.

Now, I can barely breath, and just holding this pen upright seems like an inhuman effort. I’ll gladly endure the pain, though, if only there’s a chance my sacrifice was not in vain. I hope you grow up to read this, and somehow find a way to beat this disease. Please, don’t ever give up and think death is the only way. Live, and tell your own children about this.

With much love, your mother,

Adrian Sommers

Adrian folded the letter and set it down beside her, sighing in relief. She laid back on her makeshift bed and closed her eyes. Her body was shaking and her lips were steadily growing bluer. Writing that letter had taken the rest of her strength, but she was happy she’d done it. Samuel needed to know he’d had a past, and a mother who loved him.

She doubted that the world would ever recover and be what she remembered, but she sincerely hoped that Samuel would escape and never have to worry about the disease again.

She heard the door open, but kept her eyes closed. She felt too weak to exert any energy, even any that small. The sound of boots clomping approached her, and a cool hand touched her cheek.

“Adrian? Are you still awake?”

“Yeah,” she said, so softly that she could barely hear herself. “I’m not dead yet.”

“That’s good. Is this your letter?”

“Mmm-hmmm…” She forced her eyes open to slits. Derekal’s face floated somewhere above her, infinitely out of reach. A wave of sadness washed over her when she realized she would never see him again. “You’ll make sure he gets it…won’t you?”

Derekal smiled kindly. “Of course I will. And I’ll tell him every day about how wonderful and pure his mother was.” She almost laughed, but didn’t have the energy so simply smiled.

“I’m not sure pure is very accurate. He’ll hear it from someone else anyway.”

“I’ll make sure he doesn’t listen. Who’s he more likely to believe?” The smile fell from his face and he picked up the note from the floor, slipping it into his pocket. “Do you want me to leave you alone? I don’t think I’d want someone watching me die.” Adrian grasped his hand in hers.

“No, I…I don’t want to wait around to die. Will you do something for me, please?”

“Of course,” he murmured, squeezing her hand gently. “I would do anything for you.”

“Drop me overboard.” A sudden pained look crossed over Derekal’s features. It was horrible to see, but Adrian didn’t retract her request.

“Are you…are you sure?”

“Yes…I would rather die in the sea than in this ship. Please, Derekal. I’m begging you.” Derekal looked as if he were having an internal debate, which he most likely was. He kneeled there for what seemed like an eternity before he slipped his hands under her body and picked her up easily into his arms.

“You’re too light,” he said worriedly. Adrian chuckled, which turned into a cough.

“I’m dying. I don’t think weight-gain is on my list of priorities right now.” Derekal laughed, but it was more like a nervous laugh someone does when they don’t know what else to do or say. Adrian hated making him do this, but she knew he was the only one that would do it with any amount of dignity.

When they reached the railing, Derekal hesitated.

“Are you sure…?” He started, and then stopped when Adrian nodded. He studied her face for a few seconds, almost in wonder, before leaning forward and kissing her gently. It was so light, and she was so numb, that she barely knew it had even happened. Nevertheless, it made her smile one last time before she was dropped off the edge and carried away by the tide.