You may think that you are ok the way you are

They say… it’s what they all say… Nothing ever changes

For I thought the way I was going was the way to go

Never once looked back… never once thought that instead

Of freedom what I brought was imprisonment.

If not superficial… it was something worse

Something darker and unreal…

Something ominous and deathly…

Something only I could have beheld with out succumbing to its deadly embrace

Or did I manage to escape without injury? The

Hole in my heart which I press away as nothing important

Is actually getting bigger and bigger

Till the end shall come…

And when it does come,

I don’t plan to be a part of it. And if there was one,

One person I could save, save to take with me to paradise

It could only be you.

--

A single web spanning no more than a thread

Brought everything I had learnt to dread

No sleep for the wicked is what they were told

They had clearly not learned from the days of old

When the lightning lashed and the thunder roared

Way after when I saw you and then my heart soared

This was ages on, time passes away

And I thought about you till the end of the day

You screamed and you shouted and I made the link

I thought of a crevasse; I was on the brink

Nothing else matters is what I thought of you

Before you brushed me away; I died far from you

--

This life seemed to burst into a thousand tiny fragments

Looking out of the window I saw them all blow by

And wondered if I could ever get them back

Before the end of my life

It seemed to be futile; there was no one there for me

I was all alone in this place of evil, trapped beyond

The realms of possibility, cage within its depths

Yet it did not reveal itself at all, I truly lost my heart

For it all seemed pointless without you by my side

I needed you; I wanted you, for all those shitty times

For nothing I could see, was ever without you

For you were always there for me, and I was there for you.

And since that day you left my heart

In a thousand tiny fragments

I have recollected all those thoughts

And realised you were a gift

To me and everyone you met

And for that reason I do not ever, ever regret

Meeting you, you were and are my only one true love

And for that reason I will live, hopefully with you in my life.

--

The words that I say are spat out like poison

And they stick to the page as I fling them down

For all that has happened ended up being drawn

Together, it all fell apart and I watched it drown

Because it was intertwined with my sorrows

As the tears flowed around me, I saw that the gallows

Could not comprehend what I knew was happening

And I sat down, cried, slit my wrists drowning

For nothing could ever be right, it seems

I needed to end it before it took over me

And made me something I wasn't, something I couldn't be

And for that reason I ended it, coldly and permanently.

The end seemed so trivial now, seemed so stupid and dumb

And I realised what I could have done, I sang the anthem

That held me strong, kept me aloft

And I ended up with a life I knew not

For I did not kill myself on that fateful day

I could not, would not, a twisted buffet

Of thoughts surrounded me, I could not do it

So rather I looked up to the future and hope.

--

An island – my heart- like a s sickle it runs through those who deserve the cold kiss of death; stranded, alone, undeserving, lost in a swirl of colour; the colour feels ominous, beauty turns into a sickening truth – one single fact has the power to shatter an absolute Utopia.

--

As the clouds part, and

The day breaks, and

I stare at the

Ceiling, thinking of your

Kind face, your soft smile

And your beautiful hair

I stare out of the window,

Wishing to be with you, rather than

Being locked here

These tears don't fall far from the fucking tree

They cascade down for all eternity

.. My life is in pieces: I am living a lie

And you aren't here to cheer me up; I want to die

And for the last time I swear I shall tell you thus:

For I was happy right up until you hit me harder than a bus

Things were shattered in places that i never knew could be,

And you wrecked my life, destroyed it, far too harshly

The end of time seemed so near to me so fucking close it hurt,

For when you said those awful words I wanted to die or worse

For i came to realise with regret i had given you my soul,

And that when you took it all away I lost my self control...

For without you; the one good thing to have inhabited my life

It seemed so utterly pointless, the appealing touch of the knife.

I run my hands through my hair; the height of my despair,

And at the end of all the days, i just sit and stare.

--

Heartburn is something I thought I would

Never have to face, I would console

Others, never thinking I would be in the

Same position as them

But since I met you, other thoughts

Have been swirling around my head

Like a pool of emotions, emotions that

I have never known

I am suddenly all happy, and

People cannot understand why

I feel like the chains keeping my

Happiness at bay have been released.

I am free, no longer caged by the

Bounds of society

Since they do not matter any more

They have lost their power

And it is all thanks to

You, my love, who I cannot

Thank enough for what you have done

So I settle for a kiss, hoping you understand.

--

If I disappeared; went where no one else could go

Would you ever think that it was unintentional for me to be forced?

Somewhere that I could never be with you

If you don’t then I will feel sad; for I would rather be with you than

Anything else that I can think, so please, the next time you regret it

Think before you really say it

If it’s in your head, there is nothing I can do to stop it

But if it’s there then I shall feel low; lower than I thought I could go

For your doubts in me are misplaced; I thought that much I knew.

Turns out I was wrong; but was it the end? That

Cataclysmic event; would it be the result, the consequence of no control?

If it was then I guess that I can’t blame anyone

But myself, for not fighting harder – being stronger…

I tried my best; in the end it wasn’t enough for anyone….

To give up was a sin; I was always told…

But it turns out fighting on is just as bad; if not worse

I can’t give up and I can’t go on; I’m drowning in indecision

So I wish time could stop; that I could change forever

And never be the same again- a different person

Maybe, just maybe, one that could stay with you for all eternity, and could

Finally keep that promise.

Dissipation .

--

If you looked in the mirror what would you see?

Beauty and love for all eternity

For when I look into your eyes; stare into your heart

Nothing else but pure perfection – we are worlds apart

Yet I feel so close when I see your words

I feel like you’re next to me; I look heavenwards

Looking for the time I can see you again

For you have the power to staunch my pain

I love you; it’s true with everything I can possibly give

Seeing you again is what drives my will to live

Nothing else but you keeps me strong and sane

And I wait until the day I can see you again

--

It was cold, dark and empty, sat there looking grim

For while I looked happy, I really felt like sin

Had overtaken me, killed me, ended my life

For the heart I had which was meant to love just gave others strife

But then you came along and light the fires of my heart

You did to me what no other could : you saved me from the dark

My love for you runs deeply, through the roots of time themselves

I will love you for evermore, and there will be no end.

--

It’s a long road down is what I have found

Nothing have I dreamed which was so profound

It was a blinding light that stopped me from jumping in

It came from you; eradicated my sin.

Where do I start I have so many...

I have them all, so you can pick any

It goes to show how your soul is so pure

For the sin could not exist with your charming allure

And it had seemed that I would wonder forever

I had thought that the moment would never

Exist; I was to remain in the cyclic collapse

Yet you eradicated the evil; it’s time elapsed.

--

A creak of the door. No one notices. I don’t notice.

Long ago now, I stopped noticing. There was nothing to notice

So I paid no attention to the door, left it, lonely, with nothing

For I couldn’t look, couldn’t look as for the pain

But something is different this time. A noise. A slight noise.

My head twitches. It twitches slowly, dragging it slowly around.

And around. And around. I try in vain to stop it, but my eyes greet the door.

And the sight that leaves me short of breath and mouth hanging open.

It’s you.