Blackout

Blackout

I’m fading back and forth between who I used to be and what I am today.

A shattered window

A burned out car

To make sense of anything, you have to go all the way back to the beginning

Who I used to be

The happy, innocent child. Smiling for the camera, singing songs to speakers in the home videos in my parent’s closet. Before the days that my world began to fall apart.

My personal path set for Armageddon

Who I am

The empty, broken syringe of a life I once lived. My head buried in my hands. The photos in the coroner’s office

Snapshots of a brutalized corpse. Not so much physical description as emotional detachment.

Fading in and out of consciousness.

Focus, Marriage

Divorce, Blackout

Alcoholism, Blackout

Suicide

So many times I’ve found myself on the floor, wrists bleeding. So many times I’ve cried for an answer.

But the despair seems to run thick as blood down the tunnels in my mind.

Corridors for miles, packed with suffering.

Anxiety, Paranoia

Blackout

I sit in a room, watching my future pass me by through a window in my soul.

Fade in, that was then

Fade out, this is now

Blackout… I was born to be defeated.