Did You Hear?, a Biography fanfic

Title: Did You Hear?
Genre: Real Life
Rating: PG14
Characters: Kate, Suzanne, Julia, Will
Summary: The real story, whether people want to hear it or not, of a gay guy, a bible-thumper, a slut, and an oddball--Because real life isn't always nice and pretty.

“Did you hear?” Suzanne’s frantic whisper caught me at the door to the classroom. Her face was pale—more then usual anyway—her expression wide and alarmed as if to hold this secret in one moment longer was going to literally kill her.

“Kate, did you hear? Will’s… gay.”

Blink. “Oh.” Blink. “So?”

Suzanne blanched at me, her eyes widening more, obviously expecting more of a response then my neutral expression. “He’s gay.” She repeated on echo and I just blinked back at her. “I’m freaking out right now. How can you not be?” She was losing any edge to reality she had in her voice.

I just blinked back at her. “I dunno. Doesn’t matter to me, I guess.” Truthfully I was freaking out a little, but mostly just from trying to picture Will, my best friend since freshman year, actually with another male. The idea was very visually clashing to me.

Suzanne continued to stare at me, “Julia and I are freaking out and you… you just accept it?”

“Sure. Why not?” I shrugged.

I hadn’t realized such things could affect people like this. It was just downright terrifying.

Our little group had obviously not done enough to keep the ‘secret’ to ourselves—whispering frantically in doorways to classrooms, in between classes, and all through lunch, probably hadn’t helped—and now it seemed everyone knew.

That wasn’t the problem.

The problem was… well… normally the school is literally a buzz with rumors and gossip. You could always hear it in the hallways, in the rooms, everywhere. This ‘rumor’ (a true rumor for once! It’s a miracle of nature) should have had everyone and their mother gossiping like little schoolgirls.

But…

It was dead silent.

Not truly silent, but silent in a way that left the school empty except for whispers and fear.

Whispers filled the walls, eyes searched feverishly for anyone about who might overhear, and nervous tension was like fog that coated the school from top to bottom.

They were afraid.

They were afraid to even speak of such a thing as someone being gay. It was unheard of to them to even mention that sort of topic at all. They were afraid that talking of it would somehow destroy their fragile lives, as though they had been tainted by the bare idea of it around them.

But, they couldn’t help but be curious.

They couldn’t help but ask. They couldn’t help but gossip. They couldn’t help but be afraid and confused together. It was something forbidden to them, something curious, but also confusing and deathly frightening to them.

Possibly, I suppose, it would have been worse if they hadn’t spoken of it.

…If they had been too afraid to even whisper.

But even now, I can’t help but be just as dismayed as I was that day, walking down the hallways and feeling the fear in every heated whisper that leaked from the rooms.

Why were they so afraid?

It’s just love.

Julia, of course, could barely keep her hands off of him.

She seemed oblivious to his discomfort at her pawing, but it seemed that now she knew he was… how the other girls would say… ‘safe’, she had deemed it fine to up her constant nagging of him.

She flirted with all guys. That was just… Julia.

But now she was all over the poor boy.

“Please? Please, please, please?” She pouted, her golden locks tumbling across her shoulders as she pulled another puppy-eyed look at Will.

Will, in all his lanky glory, was an average built fellow. There was nothing that screamed “homosexual” about him. He had chin length brunet hair, same color as mine, and the loveliest cloudy blue eyes. He was decently good looking but not too handsome, but he always looked better outside of the school uniform anyway. Right now, even though he towered over us and had a decent amount of muscle on his shoulders, he looked rather withdrawn and somehow small.

“Julia, knock it off and give him some space.” Suzanne announced irritably that she wasn’t going to put up with Julia’s pleading anymore.

The golden girl, whom we all loved and protected, scowled then pouted once more. “I just wanna know who he thinks is hot, that’s all!”

I rolled my eyes. We all apparently had our own ways of dealing with Will’s seemingly sudden decision to ‘come out’ to us. Suzanne still had a rabbit-like panic to her eyes, but the fact she was here at all meant something. Julia had decided at once that Will would be her new gossip-buddy and they would compare all the guys together. I… I didn’t know. I figured it was best I just continue to act completely cool with it, but my mind was still having trouble catching up with my morality. My brain wouldn’t stop giving me grief about how odd it would be to see Will kissing another guy.

Apparently I’m better at acting then I had previously assumed. Either that or everyone was just too caught up in the moment to notice anything on my mind. Truly, I had no problem with homosexuality, but it was another thing to actually put ideas to reality. I figured it was just something I was going to get used to. Will was my best friend. I wasn’t going to go anywhere just because he liked guys instead of girls. And that was that.

Will finally caved into Julia’s pleading—as he always did—and they started gossiping like crazy about who was cuter. Suzanne fell back to walk with me, still staring at our two friends walking in front.

“I still can’t believe you’re not freaking out.” She said eying me from the side.

I shrugged, inwardly saying And I can’t believe how you ARE freaking out. “It’s just Will. He’s still Will.” I said flatly. There was no room for argument in that. “He hasn’t changed any. He’s just the same as he was a day ago. Just we know now.”

Suzanne stared at the ground for a moment, her eyes stuck wide at the edges. “Yea.” She said, still looking at the ground.

Soon Julia and Will fell back with us again and the talk sprang to religion.

I knew it was coming, but I was still annoyed with how Suzanne brought it up. She was too frantic to think of how much hurt her words could have.

“Look, you know I don’t approve of…” She trailed off, looking at the forest nearby.

Will bopped his head, “Yeah, I know. I don’t approve of gay marriage either.”

“But-” Julia started, and I bit my tongue.

“It’s still a sin.” Will frowned, stiff and proper suddenly. “I don’t plan on acting on any of it.”

I frowned, but Suzanne and Will had started up a discussion about the bible and I knew it was probably the only thing that would get that rabbit-expression off her face, so I stayed quiet.

Julia fell back with me this time as the others walked ahead a bit, the golden girl bouncing still, “Isn’t it awesome?” She grinned, “Now we can drag him clothes shopping with us, and we can talk about cute boys, and we can dress him up for dates…” She trailed off in a breathy sigh.

I chuckled. “Julia. He’s not a pet.”

She frowned, “I know that.”

“Just checking.” I laughed. “Plus, we don’t go clothes shopping together.”

“Well now we can!” She bounced around, refusing to see any logic.

I just laughed, “Sure, sure. Whatever, Julia.”

Will always had his reasons.

Eventually, he decided to just quit Christianity. Suzanne was rather put off. Julia was ecstatic. I figured that was probably better for him in the long run.

For a little while he took up religion-hopping with Julia. But after a few months of her constant flip-flopping of religions, he decided he’d rather be an atheist.

Julia, Suzanne, and I all had a good laugh one day when we discovered that we had all had crushes on Will at some point in time before we knew there wasn’t a chance in hell.

He was kind, gentle, and very loving. If anything, he was like a huge puppy. He’d be loyal to you even if you stabbed him in the back. He was just that sort of guy.

There was no argument between us that whatever guy gained our friend’s affections, he would be one lucky guy. Especially if he didn’t hurt our friend and make us have to murder him.

We were a rag-tag group. We had always known that. Julia was the flirt. She probably belonged with the popular girls, but she was too dark for them. She was too real. Suzanne was the bible-thumper. She probably belonged with the other religious nuts, but she was too different. She was too much her own person. Will and I knew that we just had never belonged anywhere, because we were just too much for anyone else.

Maybe that was why we all fit. Because we didn’t fit.

Will eventually told us about his real first kiss.

Not the one he’d previously told us about, with the girl he had been dating in middleschool, but his real first kiss, with a boy whom had been his best friend.

They’d been in the same group of friends, the ones who hung outside of school and smoked a lot.

Most of Will’s old friends were druggies. It was probably because his parents were druggies and so were their friends. Will always told us he hated drugs though, because of what they turned his father into.

The two boys had been best friends until the other boy had suddenly had to up and move.

It seemed like the stuff from books.

The boy hadn’t told anyone he was moving until the last day, when he also told Will he was gay. The boy had kissed him, stealing Will’s first kiss, then left.

Will had never heard from him again.

Will always said he thought he might’ve loved him.

Now the whole school knew.

Not that they hadn’t before, but now… they really knew.

It had been nearly slow, the change, but now Will wore eyeliner, earrings, and rainbow bracelets. Somehow, he still kept himself from looking like just any other gay guy, he had always hated the stereotype flaming male anyway. Now he looked—well- definitely gay but also darker and more like he’d finally turned himself inside out.

The teachers still didn’t like it. Will got in trouble nearly everyday for his makeup and his jewelry, but that never stopped him.

The school pretty much ignored him in most ways. The same way they ignored most of what went on in our group. We were the outsiders. We didn’t belong. We knew that. We just didn’t care.

There had been a few other kids who ‘came out’, mostly girls, but I suppose it’s easier for them then the guys in our culture anyway. Will’s little sister had even ‘come out’ as bisexual and then started dating some girl, whom Will threatened to kill if she hurt his little sis.

Will had had a few boyfriends himself by then and they had all managed basically the same talk from his little sister.

It was still a little strained around the edges, but for the most part, we integrated.

At any other school, things would have gotten violent within the first day, but our school was small. Too small for such an incident to escape the eye of teachers, and too small for anyone who was violent, to get away with much, we just didn’t have that sort of bullying.

Of course there were people who couldn’t seem to deal with it. But for the most part, they ignored that our group existed.

Plenty of other people didn’t just ignore us.

That was what mattered in the end.

Julia, Julia. She always needed drama.

It seemed like she couldn’t live without it.

She thrived on it.

She was excellent in the theater, but she always carried it offstage as well. Suzanne knew to keep it onstage only.

It was upsetting, to say the least, to listen to Julia’s pining. She had only been broken up with the boy for a day and already she was bemoaning the next sunrise without him.

I couldn’t personally remember if it was the theater boy or the guy who was too old for her. Whichever she was pining for, it mattered little.

She always found another male who would swoon to her fingertips.

The moon was out that night and the campfire was burning pleasantly.

Well, pleasantly for those who liked campfires. I settled myself in the shade of one of my friends and watched everyone joke and laugh.

The brothers, Chris and Stephen had joined us for the night and we dealt with them because they were old friends of Will’s.

A stereo was blasting music, complete with extension cord that trailed back to Will’s grandparent’s house. Julia was busy making out with her newest boytoy on the rackety futon near the fire as Chris played with an old tennis ball. We all teased Stephen for staring at Julia, and laughed as he nearly burned himself on a dare to jump over the fire. Chris managed to cook the tennis ball and Stephen was amazed at its burnt fuzz even as he burned his hands trying to hold it—which we all laughed at, because he was being such an idiot.

Eventually we retreated to the graveyard further back in the woods, away from the house, for a game of Truth or Dare.

Truth or Dare was mostly dares for us, as we typically knew each other so well that there wasn’t much left to ask about. Julia spent most of the time making out and Stephen ended up having to hump a tree.

Later into the night, we decided to head back to the campfire, while Suzanne and Chris had a moment together.

The moon shone beautifully behind the ripple of clouds that looked like a soft grey blanket in the sky which sparkled with rainbow smudges from the moonlight.

The night was beautiful, but not just because of the sky. Below the grey smudged rainbows, we were perfect in that moment, just being together.

I felt bad for Suzanne.

I was there when it happened. Chris is such an idiot.

They were dating at the time and very adorable together, but that didn’t last twelve seconds once Chris decided to tell her something in the middle of the hallway.

It’s… just not something you say loudly in the middle of any hallway. It’s not just something that should probably ever be said in any range of tone, because it’s one of those things that shouldn’t happen. But apparently, our school had to be the place of all the weirdest and most society-breaking things.

Chris… I can’t imagine why you picked that moment of all moments to tell your girlfriend about you being gay with your brother.

I’d never seen Julia pine as much as she had that moment.

Granted, she was rarely together with a boy longer then a week and this one had been a lot longer, but still I had not expected the sheer amount of pining that would occur.

Every few seconds it was Westly this and Westly that.

And the pining didn’t stop when she found a new boytoy. Instead it took a couple more boys and she’d still pine your ear off if you mentioned him.

All in all, it was a strange thing from Julia, our golden girl—ever broken but always beautiful.

Beautiful, but still broken, Julia was in Holly Hill, the local mental hospital, again.

It never helped.

Those white walls, medication, and regulations, they never helped her get any better.

But the medication did keep her from getting worse.

I don’t know what Britt was thinking, but if it was my decision, she would never see Julia again unless both of them had taken their ‘happy pills’.

Thank any gods, at least I had the sense to do something at the time. Will and Suzanne could only stare in the same utter repulsion I felt.

I think I could live three lifetimes and it still wouldn’t be enough to recover from the sickening horror I felt course through me when I had to forcefully drag not one but two beautifully broken girls off the middle of the road at night before their plan worked and they were hit by a passing car.

It should have been obvious something bad was going to happen when she rebounded into his arms.

We should have watched her closer… We should have talked her out of it.

But we couldn’t have known what sort of boy Braxton was.

We couldn’t have known that later he would entice her to sneak out at night. We couldn’t have known that he would get her to steal her mother’s car for a drive, than get caught later. We couldn’t have known that he would pull her away from our help. We couldn’t have known he would stoop to such levels as to lie to her constantly.

We couldn’t have known that he would get her pregnant.

We tried to keep track of her even when she left the school.

She made things difficult at times, to know what was going on, but in the end she usually told Will, who would tell Suzanne and me.

Braxton the Third was there to see the birth of Braxton the Fourth, and we knew she was just trying to make things work for the kid. The two of them were constantly in and out. Braxton tried to be a father, but was too afraid. Julia would get upset with him, kick him out, but eventually let him back in.

It got to the point where we barely heard from her anymore.

She was always busy, with the baby, with work, with school, with Braxton. Any news we got was from Will, who had always been closer to her then the rest of us. They had understood something about one another, coming from broken homes, which Suzanne and I just couldn’t reach, regardless of our trying.

Our lovely Julie and Will, both so beautifully broken.

In the third year of highschool, Will started going nowhere without his trusty sidekick, Shelby.

Shelby was a follower. Nothing bad about it… just that she was nothing but that. She always was in someone’s shadow. She couldn’t seem to function without someone to idolize and copy.

Will was a social maniac. He needed people to talk to all day, every day. He was a puppy who needed a playmate.

He found Shelby to be a perfect playmate.

And so, she followed him everywhere, like a duckling following its mother, only Shelby wasn’t as gentle. She found it annoying when we didn’t automatically include her in everything Will was included in. Will, of course, didn’t mind including her, but the rest of us got sick of it early on.

Especially because where Shelby went, Rileigh followed. Rileigh still counted Shelby as “her follower” and took offense when Shelby followed Will instead. However, Rileigh decided to be Will’s friend instead of enemy, since Shelby was seemingly doomed to attempt to follow them both.

But… Rileigh wasn’t as kind as Shelby was to us. Rileigh was civil to Suzanne, but constantly antagonized Julia and I.

And when Julia left, only I was left to deal with Rileigh’s harsher nature.

I could have laughed. Rileigh was standing not a foot away talking loudly about how she had apparently “beat the shit out” of me last week.

“You know, I think I would remember being beaten up. Ya think?” I said loudly enough to gain myself Rileigh’s attention.

Her heavily make up lined eyes narrowed at me and she responded with how much of an idiot she thought I was.

“Well then,” I must have smiled rather savagely then, because I can’t imagine what else would have made her eyes widen in fear at me, “If you’re going to want to fight me so badly that you make up pretend fights, we made as well get this over with now.”

“What?” She stared at me, but I wasn’t going to take her shit. That reason alone was probably why I had earned her hate in the first place.

“I said, if you wanna fight me so badly, then let’s fight.” I probably still had had that grin on my face, because I knew she wouldn’t fight me.

In the end, she made lame excuses that she wasn’t wearing her “fighting shoes” that day and fled the hallway, in front of all the people she’d been telling so graciously about pretend fights that never happened and never would.

The second time I caught her making up crap and challenged her to it, she barely came up with an excuse before fleeing.

By then, everyone knew she was full of crap and that I don’t take shit like that.

My father had told me long ago that as long as I didn’t throw the first punch of a fight, he would stand behind me. But, he said, he would expect that the other person be on the ground.

As long as I didn’t start the fight, I wouldn’t be in trouble, but I’d better be the one to end it.

This advice was probably something rolled over from his own childhood as the youngest of five boys, but I knew he was serious and meant it.

I was to protect myself and my honor.

And so I wasn’t afraid to push when it came to it. Even though, I knew Rileigh wasn’t going to actually do a thing, there was always the chance, and I was prepared for that. I knew my strength and knew I could take her.

Maybe it’s the very fact I’m on a different set of rules then most people as to why I actually never got into a real fight with anyone. Sure, a small scuffle once, but that didn’t count. I’ve never thrown a fist at anyone, nor had anyone hit me.

I knew what I was doing, and maybe that above all is what frightened her the most.

By senior year, it was just Suzanne and me.

Will had run off with Shelby and Rileigh. Julia was who-knows-where with her bouncing baby boy.

It was… lonely.

After all that we’d gone through together…

We’d ended up scattered by the wind.

Julie was living at her mother’s without Braxton.

She said she’d finally dumped his arse because she knew he’d never be the father she wanted him to be. The little blond-haired, blue-eyed boy didn’t seem to see much difference in the situation, his fingers still tiny and his eyes still squinty.

She said she’d been thinking about open adoption. That a nice family in Vermont, with a nice house, had been talking with her.

She could go back to school, maybe to go a community college and get a real job.

She said she thought it was for the best.

Will had tried to kill himself… again.

This time he ended up in Holly Hill, the local mental hospital.

Why didn’t he ever call? He used to give warnings before. Now I find out several word-of-mouths later.

Weren’t we best friends?

I guess that doesn’t mean much anymore.

He’s not my beautifully broken Will anymore. Now… he’s just broken.

We’ve changed.

All of us, but maybe some more then others.

Julie matured because she had to. Suzanne opened her mind because she realized there’s a real world out there and it’s beautiful. Will sunk lower and lower because he alienated all the people who would have caught him and lifted him back up. And me? I guess I grew up.

Suzanne went to a university in the mountains and I left the whole bloody state behind me to get away from it all.

But I still keep in contact with Suzanne. Maybe that’s why it still seems so fresh even now. We keep some part of our old group alive in our hearts.

Sometimes I still get caught up thinking about the old times, as if I can just open a door and everything will be back to the way it was.

And you know… that’s not even half of the story.

You’d never guess the rest.

Because, did you hear?

This is life, and life doesn’t stop.

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