Never Forgotten

(By Broken-Token)

Chapter Four: The Guilt

Previous

“No shhh, sleep your safe okay. I promise.” And that voice was so soothing, so calming that I didn’t doubt him. My eyes drifted shut and the lull of his voice and my body went slack… his voice was just so…. Beautiful.

Current

It felt so bad. It felt like I was going to deposit my whole insides into the nearest bucket or toilet. Whatever was closer. My head banged, any little creak, bird singing or door closing felt like it was intensified a thousand times and trying to deliberately tear my head in half. It felt heavy and unresponsive, like it weighed a million pounds and moving was impossible. My limbs where unresponsive, slung haphazardly over whatever I was sleeping on, and it wasn’t something soft at all, yet still comfortable. I felt cold, a shiver run down my spine and through out my arms and legs. I just couldn’t stop the shacking; no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t stop it. Which of course made the nausea worse, movement was not good for me at the moment. The pain… well lets just say it was bad… real bad.

As I lay there shivering and what I thought was still my clothes from the night before something underneath me moved. Which if I wasn’t in so much pain would have scared the hell out of me. But at that moment all that movement made me feel was even more nauseous. I tried to remember what happened and how I got here but the pain in my head wasn’t willing to co-operate. I groaned in protest to the movement underneath me what I felt something warm and muscular cup my face, stroking my cheek.

“Shh its okay sweetheart, I’m still hear.” It was a whisper but I knew I wasn’t imagining it, such a white pure voice lulling me to sleep as I felt myself float in the air, the tension in my body slowly easing away. As the floating continued to god knows where, I tried to think of who this voice could belong to, but the voice sounded so sincere, like the person it belonged to actually cared… but Hanna and Annie weren’t here anymore…

I decided it made me too upset to think so I emptied my mind and tried to sleep. Only when I felt warm and comfy covers underneath me did it start to take over but when that person sat down next to me making the mattress go down, and that person started stroking my hear did sleep fully take me.

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The next time I woke, my eyes still closed, my head thumping but not as painful as the first time I woke. I just lay there for a while, what felt like an hour trying to settle the nausea that was invading my whole body. But it didn’t really work so once I opened my eyes and they adjusted to the darkness I realised I was in fact in my own room. The lights off and all alone. Why did no one wake me? I was going to be late for work! Why did Hanna and Annie not wake me!? One of them always do, they know how terrible I am at waking up in the morning. I tried to jump out of bed and found that to be a bad move, nausea was defiantly a huge problem this morning. And I didn’t know why, what happened last night? Did the three of us go on another bender and I got so plastered I couldn’t remember? And the headache… oh dear heavens the headache. It was excruciating. I rose slowly and carefully and walked over to my door.

Pain killers that’s what I needed, right kitchen cupboard… that’s where we kept them. As I walked out of my room the rest of the flat was also dark…. What time was it? I looked to a clock and found it was 10:15…. Yup I 

was defiantly late for work. I walked over to Hanna’s door opened it and walked in shaking the body in the bed.

“Hanna, Hun you have to get up we are late for work.” The figure grunted and shifted. I chuckled and walked into Annie’s room. No doubt Jay had already left, he always left early, I guess that is what a CEO has to do for his company. And as I walked in I realised I was right. Only one figure in the bed so Jay had gone already. I walked slowly over to the bed and prodded the body. “Annie, hunny we have to go to work you know what our boss is like, come on we are already late.” I shook her some more only to have Jamie turn to look at me strangely… no…. where was Annie.

“Lucy, come on your in one of your dreams again, wake up. You have to wake up okay.” He said gruffly as he rose to a sitting position. I stammered as moved back a few paces, no this wasn’t real, my dream wasn’t real they where here. They had just gone to work right. No Hanna was in her bed! I just woke her up!

That’s when Ash walked into the room a freaked out expression on his face. Like he’d just seen a ghost.

“What-?” he tried but Jay cut him off.

“Don’t worry she does this sometimes.” Then it hit me all over again, like it did most mornings… the crash.

“But-”

“She’s in denial, so most mornings when she wakes up she thinks its all one big horrible dream, it passes.” I shook my head and took away my devastated expression, walking out of the room.

“Wait Lu.” Jay tried, but I stopped in the door frame about to leave Ash and Jay in the room.

“No.” and I left.

“But!-” Ash tried again and I carried on to walk.

“Leave her Ash. She doesn’t want to talk about it.” I rushed into my room and slammed the door. Oh god how could I keep doing that! How stupid was I!? They are gone! Gone so remember that you idiot! I yelled at myself. I walked over to the cupboard and shoved on a pair of black working trousers and cream shirt that frilled a little at the neck as it went down. The top three buttons where undone making the frill look flattering and mulled through the mess of my wardrobe for my waist coat. I was going to work. There was no point just sitting here and moping, I was going to be useful to someone. I pulled on my waist coat and did up all buttons. I looked to the bottom of my wardrobe and found my high heels, my favourite pair of comfortable high heels that Annie bought me for my birthday one year knowing I didn’t like wearing heels. I brushed through my long black locks and grabbed my bag. As I opened my door Ash was stood in the doorway of Hanna’s room… opposite mine, and looked me up and down.

“Wow…” he muttered. I walked strait passed him and towards the kitchen shoving a yoghurt, spoon, bottle of water and sandwich from the cupboards for my lunch. I worked in quite a large publishing company in the city, and I used to work with Annie who was in a position higher than me because she had a job there first. I didn’t know what would happen now… I haven’t been back since the accident. I walked towards the door to find Jay stood in front of it.

“Oh what now? Am I stuck in this house!?” I growled furious and their constant pestering.

“We need to talk about last night.” Oh ye…. Last night…. I got rat assed…. Oops…

“What about it?!” then it hit me… the voice, who’s voice was that? I really wanted to know.

“Where did you go? Why did you get so drunk you couldn’t even stand up!?”

“Felt like having a release.” And with that I walked around him and left through the front door.

“You have to at least talk about this! Or about anything once and a while!” but I ignored it, yes maybe he had a point but I couldn’t take it, I wanted out. “You cant keep running away!”

“Watch me.”

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I stood outside my apartment building, staring at the double doors. Thinking that maybe this wasn’t such a god idea, go knows how their going to treat me in there. But I sucked it up and walked in, head held high. As soon as I opened the door Jenny the receptionist looked shocked at me but regained her composure and smiled caringly, she was a lovely old woman that had a tendency to try and look after everyone in the building.

“How are you dear?”

“I’m fine Jenny, how r u?”

“Oh same old, same old dear. Arnold is the same too, grumpy as ever.” She gave a little giggle, Arnold was her husband, I met him at the Christmas party two years ago, and dear god he and Jenny were opposites, he was a grump and she was so cheery. It was funny to see.

“Good to hear.” I looked around the office seeing people stare and knew that I needed to get out of sight; I didn’t like to be stared at. “Jenny do I go strait to my office or does Bill want to see me first?”

“Um I’ll check dear, I guess he’d want to se you though.” And she picked up the phone and dialled 1. My workplace consisted of six floors, a small Victorian styled building with a large yet professional sigh above the door that read ‘Thomas publishers’ it wasn’t original but Bill Thomas wasn’t an original man. He was an old, balding man that was a little overweight but was very kind and caring. A proper old fashioned family man. That’s why Annie and I loved working here. The sixth floor was Bill’s office, his reception and three meeting rooms where we discuss the books we decide to take on and the artwork ect. The fifth floor was mine and Annie’s floor. Well that was where we worked, our floor was the one that chose which projects would sell best and take on to publish, Annie was the manager of this floor and me the deputy. We had numerous people working under us sorting and categorising the books we want and don’t. The fourth floor was accounting, and the third floor was the numerous proof readers, checking that there where no mistakes in the books what so ever, and art work guys or as they liked to be called the ‘designers’. The second floor was the coping guys, printing and another lot of proofing, but more on if the book is presentable, to make sure no ink smudges or torn pages to put on sale. Then on the first floor or ground floor was Jenny’s desk, around her was a waiting area and behind her desk was a long hallway leading to four meeting rooms where the clients tried to sell their stories to us as best they can. It was a rather large operation.

“Yes hun Bill would like to see you first.”

“Okay thanks Jenny see you later.” And I walked towards the lift, pressing the ‘6’ button as I did. It didn’t take long to get to Bills floor but the higher I got the more anxious I got. Was I gone to long? Am I going to be told my job was no longer available? I loved this job, I didn’t want to leave. The doors opened and I walked passed Hilary, Bill’s receptionist and into his office.

“Hello dear! How are you? Coping I hope.” He smiled sympathetically.

“Of course Bill.”

“Right down to business shall we. I’ve promoted you.”

“What? To what sir?” what I liked my job I didn’t want to move.

“Oh nothing special of course, just the manager of your floor now.” Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Annie’s job… you want me to replace Annie.”

“No dear! Please don’t misunderstand! You and Annie where the best I knew of at picking what would sell and make the best-selling list. It’s tragic yes that we lost Annie, that you lost Annie, but I can just not fill in that position and you are the best. So I believe you should have that position. Understand?” I nodded mutely. “I know it’s hard now hunny and I’m not going to tell you it gets better, it doesn’t you will always feel that loss. But it does get easier to cope with; you learn to mourn in your own way and to move on with your life without forgetting them. They wouldn’t want you to forget them but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t want you to move on either.” I nodded again and moved to leave to my new office when he stopped me. “I’m not done yet Lucy, I’ll email you some idea’s but you aren’t working here yet, you haven’t mourned so I cant have you working yet okay. I need the old Lu back and I won’t be satisfied until the old you in back and working like before for me. So go home, do what you need to do and there will be a job waiting for you here when you get back okay.”

“But!”

“No, no buts I want you out of this building until your you again understood?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good now go and call me.”

I nodded and walked out of his office pondering on where to go, my escape was work… and now I couldn’t go here, there was also the point of me replacing Annie and the fact I didn’t know how I felt about that yet. I needed time to think and the best place for me to think was with them both. And that is where I went.

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Hey all, heres another chapter and don’t worry she does have a talk with both boys in the next chapter!

Another thing is I dunno when I’ll update next because of the face that my word is playing up and I need a certain code to fix it so until I sort that I need you all to be patient with me and I am very sorry!

Love you all! And thank for the reviews! Keep em coming!

Broken-Token