|Duct Tape Fixes Everything
Author: Qzie PM
“You don't want to spend half your life thinking about a chance you didn't take.” “You stole that from Frasier.” “Shut up.” -Abandoned, used for scrap metal, no more... it was a nice short run, wasn't it?--Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 31,340 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 10-07-08 - Published: 05-25-08 - id: 2522434
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Part two... of three. The Kazoo chapter's gonna be split into parts, too.
The Week of Death
"Fine! You know what? You can just forget about doing a story with me."
"Fine! I don't wanna write with some mean, sick sadist anyways!"
"I'm a writer; I'm ALLOWED to be sadistic!"
And thus the reappearance of Benny's inner emo kid.
They were only two days into their collaboration- excuse me, their stories with the same characters and plotline that was purely coincidental- and they had already had a fight. The day just got worse for Benny, and so after he'd gotten a sound lecture from his uptight conservative parents, he went straight to Microsoft Word. After staring at the blank page for a few moments with his fingers poised to type, he finally entered a title at the top:
One of Those Days
He sighed as he heard his mom yelling down the hallway: "BENJAMIN! You have a phone call! It's Fiona!"
Benny looked irritated for a moment before calling back, "Tell her I'll call her later!" Without a second thought as to why Fiona wanted to call him in the first place, he pulled up Windows Media Player and started playing his angry music playlist- "The Incredible Hulk."
It all just came out from there.
It was one of those days. Y'know, the days where as soon as you get home, you want to beat the crap out of anyone who gets in your way, storm in your room, and listen to loud, angry music while writing a long, angst-filled rant.
Or maybe that's just me.
This whole ugly mess started in English when me and my friend (and true love, even if she doesn't know it yet) Fiona were working on our collaboration project for NaNoWriMo, which is basically a race to get to write a novel of fifty-thousand words in one month. We had a basic idea of what we wanted to write; it was a story about a spaceship named the Starship Jellyfish and how they were trying to save the galaxy from Plutonians.
That's where we started to disagree.
Fiona wanted everybody except the doctor- Quigley- to die. I thought the whole idea was ridiculous because that was such a depressing ending. Call me idealistic, but I like happy endings.
We got into a big fight over it (the words "stupid," "unrealistic," and "cliché" were involved) and we stopped talking to each other, which pretty much killed me once I'd realized what my stupidity and stubbornness had gotten me into.
I was incredibly frustrated by the whole thing, as you might imagine. So in biology when we were talking about genetics and Mr. Allen asked me asked what inherited traits were, I had to be stupid and say, "Inherited traits are things you have no control over, like your hair or eye color, as opposed to things like being stupid and useless, much like this subject and certain people who are too stubborn to see reason."
It wasn't until the entire class started staring at me in shock that I realized what I'd done. The only two people who didn't look completely stunned were my so-called best friend Evander, who was laughing, and Fiona, who kept staring at me in such a way that I knew I'd gone too far. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…
And that's how I landed myself in detention with one of the scariest seniors I've ever met.
Her name was Georgina, a girl who was infamous for losing her temper and decking anyone who smarted off about her or her friends or family. She'd had her fair share of detentions- practically a veteran- and had been spending the first fifteen minutes staring at the ceiling. It was unnerving how she didn't blink at all.
I just kept thinking, Avoid eye contact and she'll leave you alone. You only have to fear for your life for another forty-five minutes. Nothing to be worried about… even though she could probably kill you with her pinky.
"So what're you in for?"
I looked over hesitantly and saw Georgina looking at me like I was some mildly interesting movie. I swallowed hard, scared to death that if I said the wrong thing, she would suck out my soul. "Um, I, uh, I just ki-kinda sn-snapped in sci-science."
I know what you're thinking, and I order you to shut the heck up.
Georgina nodded slowly. "One of those days, huh?" She smiled faintly.
I nodded silently.
She laughed lightly. "You new to detention?" she asked. I was wondering by the tone of her voice if she was patronizing me or trying to make me calm down.
If she was going for calming me, it was so not working.
I nodded again and in attempts to make her think I was perfectly relaxed despite my constant stuttering, I asked, "So-so what'd you do?" Hey. Only one stutter that time. Sweet.
"Beat up a guy who made fun of my friend." She sniffed casually as if her actions were completely justified. In her mind, they probably were.
We were quiet for another ten minutes or so when she spoke up again. She must have been really bored, considering I was two, maybe almost three years younger- a measly sophomore. "So what's your name, anyways?"
I answered warily, "Um, Benny."
She laughed, which I didn't get, because there was nothing funny about my name. OK, so maybe it sounded like a cartoon character's name, but it wasn't like I was the only Benny in school. I shared my name with lots of guys. Ben Carter, Ben Sparrow, Benjamin Delasey, and the list goes on.
OK, give me a break! "Benny" isn't cute! It's… it's… tough… and manly… and it invokes fear into the hearts of my enemies. My name is so completely hardcore that-
Stop laughing at me! I know you are!
Georgina grinned. "I'm Georgina." It was like I'd never heard of her, which was quite impossible. Everybody knew Georgina. She was like Éowyn and everybody who ticked her off was the Witch King.
…OK, weird comparison.
I smiled weakly and nodded once to acknowledge her. How much longer? I checked the clock. Twenty-five minutes. That wasn't so bad. Although I wasn't looking forward to what my uptight, pretentious, conservative parents would say when I got home. I could hear it now…
"Benjamin Daniel Petry, would you care to explain why you were in detention?"
"It was that Evander boy, wasn't it? See, Tobias? That boy is a bad influence! First rock music and now this!"
"Benjamin, I suggest you get up to your room while we decide on your punishment."
"Holy crap, I haven't-"
"Benjamin Daniel! Watch your language!"
"Listen to your mother."
Yep, I was pretty much in for it when I got home. Maybe I could lie. Maybe I could drop by Evander's after I get out of this prison. I could tell him to back me up when I told my parents I'd gone over to his house after school, and that's technically true…
"You look a little pale."
Georgina's voice brought me back to the cruel reality that I had indeed gotten into a stupid fight about who should die and then talked back to a teacher and was now in detention with my relatively clean record probably ruined forever….
"Hey. There's only fifteen minutes left."
"Hallelujah," I mumbled, staring up at the ceiling and waiting for that blessed moment when I was free again.
I must have fallen asleep because I started thinking that when the bell rang, a giant bell monster would come and eat me and then Fiona would be riding it and yelling, "Death to all!" Meanwhile, Evander would be watching from the sidelines, filming the whole thing.
With friends like that…
"Hey, wake up." Georgina smacked my arm lightly, and I found that the desk was wet along with the side of my face. I was so classy. "We can go."
We can go? "Glory be and hallelujah!" I breathed as I scrambled out of the desk, grabbed my backpack, and bolted towards the classroom door. I raced for the front doors, but as soon as I got outside, I ran right into Fiona (why she was going back to that place of doom, I have no idea). And I mean that literally.
I was stunned as we found ourselves sprawled on the cold, icy sidewalk. As if fighting for our characters' lives in spite of what she wanted wasn't enough to tick her off, this had to happen. So while I just stared at her and started to feel an unwanted heat on my cheeks, she snapped.
"Benny, what the heck?! You want our characters to live, but you have no problem taking me out?!" Fiona scowled at me as she pushed herself up.
I was half-tempted to say that I indeed had no problem taking her out (hooray for double meanings), but I was too upset to say anything, so I just laid on the ground while my ladylove stormed into the school, no doubt embarrassed and angry with me.
Yep. One of those days.
"Dude… what happened to you?"
"I honestly don't know. I just woke up and there it was…" Evander examined the mysterious bruise that had, as he said, inexplicably appeared on his arm. He suddenly looked annoyed. "And I'm sick again."
"EVANDER!" Leah stormed up to Evander and without a word to any of the other guys, dragged him across the hallway and snapped, "You need to tell your freakin' idiot of a best friend to make up with Fiona, because if they don't, HOW ARE THEY EVER GOING TO GET TOGETHER!" She suddenly gasped and clapped her hands over her mouth. "I… mean…"
Evander's eyebrows shot up. "Don't tell me you know," he said cautiously, but he couldn't help but be amused. He always knew his best friend was less than a little subtle when it came to his feelings for Fiona, but for one of the girl's best friends (not to mention the best friend with the biggest mouth) to know and Fiona still unaware that Benny liked her like that… oh, this was going to get interesting.
Leah was mentally kicking herself as she nodded reluctantly. "Since February," she confessed. "Caomhe and Celia swore me to secrecy."
Evander started to smile. "You mean… you actually kept something like this from Fiona and Benny?" He laughed. "You?"
Leah scowled and crossed her arms. "Now is not the time to laugh at me," she warned. "And it's not like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world." She rolled her eyes and flicked her hair over her shoulder.
Evander nodded. "True," he agreed. "But…" He suddenly looked alarmed and stepped back. "Don't tell me we have something in common!" He stared at Leah in horror. This could not be happening. They were polar opposites- he was a manly man (no matter WHAT the other guys said) and she was, well, a girly girl, and he made fun of her for that!
That was (more or less) what Leah's thoughts were, and it was really rather funny how her horrified expression matched Evander's exactly. "You can't want them to get together! You're- you're- you're Evander!" she spluttered.
This did not amuse the boy. "Congratulations. You know my name," he said dryly.
"You're supposed to be someone who just likes torturing your best friend and- and- and- how could you possibly want this?"
This irritated Evander even more. "Forgive me for actually wanting Benny to be happy and not living up to your rather insulting expectations!" he finally snapped. "You haven't known him since kindergarten and…" He huffed. "Forget it."
As he started to walk away, Leah felt a pang of guilt and hurried after him. "Evander, wait!" she called as she grabbed his arm, but she released it when he cried, "Ow!"
Evander examined the area that Leah had taken hold of and groaned. "Great. Another bruise," he muttered. He scowled. "Nice."
Leah looked torn between annoyance and remorse. "I was just gonna say I'm sorry," she said. "But…" Before she could say anything more, Evander's bruises caught her attention. "How'd you get those?"
Evander shrugged with one shoulder, looking down at said bruises. "Your guess is as good as mine." He shook his head and looked back to Leah. "Now… why are you and Caomhe and Celia not telling Fiona that our dear Benjamin likes her?"
Leah looked intensely bitter. "They said that the only person who should tell her is Benny," she said spitefully. "And Fiona's not the most talented at seeing things like this."
"That makes two of them," sighed Evander. "But what're we supposed to do?" He jammed his hands in his pockets, as he did when he was particularly frustrated.
They stood there for several moments, staring at the floor in thought. Suddenly Leah gasped. "What?" asked Evander cautiously, not trusting that suspicious gleam in Leah's eyes.
Leah smiled evilly as she looked at Sean out of the corner of her eye. "Evander… how do you feel about vandalism?" Yes, you read that right: Leah was proposing a blatant disregard to the rules.
Evander laughed. "Like I haven't done it before," he said with a grin. "Why?"
Leah smirked and whispered something in Evander's ear, and what she whispered made Evander's jaw literally drop. He stared at her in shock. "Leah!"
Now it was Leah's turn to laugh. "What… you're too afraid to be mean to both Sean AND Benny?"
"No…" Evander smiled faintly. "I'm just surprised that you're actually that evil."
Leah smacked her fist in the palm of her hand, "All is fair in love and war, especially when it comes to Benny and Fiona!"
"…Fan girl much?"
Leah and Evander are starting to get along. And I'm scared.
Also, I am fully aware that most girls don't have mood swings that bad (I say most because you haven't seen my sister... now THAT'S scary); I was just exaggerating for humor's sake.
Hopefully I'll have part three up soon. :)
Thanks to lovefantasyworkreality and CaveDwellers for the reviews.
Have the candy of your choice.