5.24.08

I can’t believe this happened…

He’s gone. Xavier is gone. I will never see my sweet brother again. And it’s all because of her. He’s gone because of her!

Carmen could not just tell my brother face-to-face she was leaving. She had to leave that note. That note killed him long before anything else did!

Xavier,

I can’t take this anymore. Your sister apparently means more to you than I do. That’s sad. A little girl is going to take the place of what could have been your future wife. You are pathetic. She would have done fine on her own, but no, you had to work from before light everyday to midnight, and then instead of coming in to see me, you stay up with her. Weren’t you doing enough for her already? Why couldn’t you have said “no” for once to your precious sister? Well, Xavier, if she means so much to you, then fine! Work until you drop dead. I don’t care. I’m not coming back.

Carmen

I will always remember his face when he read that note. His eyes were wide with shock then closed. Tears ran down his cheeks but he said nothing. He dropped the note and I watched as it drifted to the floor. When his eyes opened they were lost. He raised his trembling hands and stared at them. “What have I done?” He had whispered before leaving the kitchen and slipping into his room.

I ran to his door. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault. I wanted to tell him he had done nothing wrong. Carmen was not who he thought she was! She was not sweet like he thought she was. She was far from what she made him think she was. But I didn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him anymore.

I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left his door that night. I should have said something to him, and if nothing came to my lips, I should have held him until his tears dried, but instead I left him alone and now he is gone.

My brother ran from our house that night. Lost and without the will to live any longer. He planned to run away, just for a little while. He just wanted to get away from everything. But nothing turned out the way he had planned.

My brother was struck by a speeding car at 1:23 A.M. May 22, 2008. He died before the ambulance arrived. The car that hit my brother did not stop, so I may never see my brother’s killer punished.

Just like that, a young life was taken from this world. A boy of seventeen died because of words on paper. Just words on paper killed my brother. Scribbles that by themselves mean nothing. And as I sit here writing this, I grip tightly in my fist my brother’s last writing.

Alisa, I have to leave this place for a while, okay? I can’t stay in this house knowing she was here only a day ago. I will be back one day, I promise. And when I come back, I want you to read me all of your writings. Everything. Even the things you think are terrible. I want to hear them. No matter what happens. I want you to read to me when I get back. Love, Xavier

I’m smiling as I cry and read this aloud. Xavier, I read this for you because I know you are here. I know you have come back to hear my writing. I promise, from now on I will always read aloud so you can hear and smile because your little sister is going to go to college like you wanted.

Mr. Williams sent a piece of my work to a college when I wasn’t looking.

Xavier, I’m going to college!