Hitomi: Taking a break from YnH: AR. (SHOT) Yes, I’m sorry for the lack of updating.

Ever since this summer vacation started, things have been going slow lately, I guess; especially with the project, which is, obviously, YnH: AR. Been trying to write chapter 19, but I guess I seem to be a little stuck.

So, in the meantime, I had this side story in mind to let myself wander a bit. It’s YnH: AR canon and the pairing in mind would be Keiya x Hitomi. Due to some things I cannot reveal about them (of, if mentioning, the others) as it’s not in the main story yet, thus considering them spoilers, I don’t think I’ll say much of it here if at all.

There will be slight spoilers in here, however, due to the Azami arc having finished. So, I suggest you turn back if you’re not up to date with the story.

And why I called it this, Dark Chocolate? Well… You’ll see.

And inspiration to write this one-shot? Utada Hikaru’s song, “Flavor of Life” and eating dark chocolate, tasting its bitterness.

Yami no Hikari: Dark Chocolate (闇の光: ダークチョコレート)

(What a bitter taste…

And the pain that resides in my heart hurts so much.

And it’s all because I know you’ll never look at me and me alone.

What do I have to do for someone to be by my side for me and me only…?)

Again, I muse as I walk behind a certain boy on their way to the academy grounds. Again, it’s the same thing…

He goes hangs out with one of the girls… And because of this, I’ve become filled up with feelings I don’t understand; at least, not completely…

I just kept looking ahead of the boy in front of me. We’ve been silent for a while the whole time we were walking. Then again, us two didn’t need to exchange words with each other. There have been such relationships when two people didn’t need to say anything to each other; they already communicate nonverbally.

Of course, time to time during our walk, he’s been trying to make attempts to have small talk with me and, still, I only silently nod; not saying a word, but only listening.

Considering that Taiko Keiya has been guarding me for a while, under the commander’s—my oldest brother’s—orders, little by little, we started to know each other better.

But unbeknownst to him, the self he thought he knew somewhat well was not the girl I portray myself to be, really.

Yet, in spite of my true self locked away inside, I still goes through everyday life with a cheerful demeanor and a bright smile. Still, he doesn’t know of the thoughts and feelings I’ve kept inside all of this time. How long would it be before I show my weak side?

Weak.

The word makes me grow tense, the thought of revealing myself to him is something I fear and very much so.

Again, I’m not by his side, even though we’re walking together like this. Always, always, I’m watching his back. I want to walk right beside him, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’m not worthy, not at all. I’m pretty sure that there are those who are suited to…

And almost immediately, four faces flashed into my mind as I continue to trudge behind Keiya, all the while nodding to his words in half-attention.

Sakurai Azami, the girl with aquamarine hair in buns and the bi-colored eyes; right eye orange red and the left thistle. She’s quirky and hyper and being a peach fanatic on the side. Though emotionally violent, brutally honest and a little childish, she’s sensitive, helpful and understanding; of course, when she wanted to show it. In actuality, due to recent events, she was really a dream; her soul was real, but her body was not. On the other hand, having been in a coma for the whole time, for three years, she has recently woken up from it. However, she still needs to be hospitalized for a little longer.

No matter how much she calls him a horrible person, she never means it. You could never get her to admit that she adores Taiko-san. And besides, it’s very much like her to be in denial. I snort at this, emitting an almost inaudible sigh, but I smile slightly in nostalgia at the way the peach girl would interact with him.

Again, I just incline my head to the boy as if to show him that I’m listening to what he’s saying.

But it wouldn’t be long before he caught on.

The second face came to me and, almost immediately, I smile again; albeit, the smile was a little wider than the previous.

Shizuka Hotaru came to mind; with her short, dark steel blue hair and jade green eyes that sparkled with her personality, the left eye with a monocle over it due to it being almost blind. She always has a smile on her face, putting everything into a positive light to the point it was comedic; her disposition of whether to be taken seriously or not is another thing to make such situations hilarious. She is also witty and sly and always teasing the girls—myself especially—when it comes to growth. Because of being this, and being a gentle person, she’s considered the older sister of the group. However, due to circumstances the two of us know, there’s a sharp gaze in Hotaru’s eyes that would linger there for only a moment from time to time; and, then, it was gone.

I know that she’s been in pain, but… It looks to me that she’s moved on. I’m glad she’s able to show herself to us as well as opening up more to me these days. Hehe, it’s fun to watch her tease Taiko-san, though, as we all know he’s the way he is. I grin at this thought, almost shaking with laughter because of memories of Hotaru always poking fun at Keiya when it comes to something sexual or when she would glomp us girls and squish our boobs, all the while teasing of our bust growth.

“Hm? You look happy.” Grey eyes glanced at me over the owner’s shoulder as Keiya checked up on me.

“You can say that.” I respond, making quite the effort holding back my laughter.

“Then again, you always are; in a way that’s a little different from Shizuka-san. It’s as if you have nothing to worry about at all.”

“Well, what do you expect from the girl you’re supposed to be body guarding, anyway?” The bubbling laughter finally dies down, though a smile is still there.

“Hm… The first time I met you before that fight with Aiko-san… I thought I’d be guarding a sweet and kind girl. But, lo and behold, it turns out said-girl is a cheerful, spunky tomboy with quite the short temper.”

“Have you always thought of me as… Violent?” The last word comes out in a squeak. “You know, since then.”

“You may be violent and hot-headed,” His voice changed to reassuring, as if sensing something when hearing me speak. “But, like I said, you’re spunky and cheerful. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing, right?”

I give no answer to this; once again, it comes out as a slight nod.

From the inside, however, I felt something awful. And the taste in my mouth is just so…

It’s bitter, isn’t it? I lament to myself, laughing resentfully inside. Like dark chocolate, these feelings have a bitter taste. There’s nothing happy about love at all, especially when it’s one-sided. He’ll never look at me in that way like he does with the other four…

Two more faces still float about in my thoughts; one I smile at a little sadly while scowling a little at the other.

Koubayashi Miyu, light lilac hair up in a spiky ponytail of sorts while goldenrod yellow eyes either in a state of oblivion, concentration or tears of intimidation if anyone would approach her because she would think they would bully her. The girl with the top grades, and being student council president, she always spends her time reading in her spare time. She’s unaware of her flirting back with the opposite gender and she’s a very good cook. Although she is clumsy, and has a high tolerance of being unable to getting angry, she’s a shy and kind person. I know that she’s been a little lonely inside due to some things, but, at least she’s happy with us as her company now.

It’s nice to watch her cook meals for Taiko-san. And, in spite of being shy, she has been making efforts to talk to him and the others. I smile sadly at the girl who always tends to blush easily around us, though she smiles kindly as she prepares food for Keiya or when she’s speaking to him. And memories when she’d be concentrating on reading, eyes lighting up as she’s found a good read. Of course, a happy, bubbly feeling forms only a little as I recall her clumsy moments.

“You… Prefer a gentle and kind person, huh?” I question, though mumbling it loud enough for him to catch it.

“Hm? Yes, of course I do.” He nods, smiling softly. “I always like a girl who’s cheerful, sweet, and kind…”

I watch him marvel at his own words and I cringe slightly, feeling a stab somewhere inside.

I’m not good enough, huh? I can only ask myself this, feeling the taste of self-hatred. All of this time, I’ve been trying to change myself little by little… All of this time, I’ve been trying to do my best… But, no matter how much I try to, I’ll never be good like them. They all have something that I don’t. Whether they’re one step ahead of me in personality or whether they’re more feminine than I am…

I can’t do it! I’m just…A girl Taiko-san needs to bodyguard, nothing else. I’m only his client. And I’m also…

“You’re just an unladylike tomboy who’ll always scare off the guys!”

A familiar voice rang in my head as that had been said. And the last person in my head, whose voice has pass by in my mind right now, I frown slightly at her again.

Yuuki Aiko has been my rival since childhood. With black-blue hair and topaz blue eyes that look at me smugly, she’s been trying to beat me in everything. From being physically stronger than me due to naginatajutsu, whereas I’ve been struggling in Kenjutsu due to having a weak body, to being feminine and confident in herself as I am the opposite. Though being a refined lady, she’s also quite flirtatious. And because of her having very high standards on guys, she’s called the “Lover from Hell.” Nonetheless, though, she knows what she wants she wants, when she wants it, and will not stop to get it until she’s at her limits; that is, if she has any.

She does flirt with Taiko-san a lot and she is the seductive type. But she would do her best for Taiko-san too, even if it meant almost sacrificing her life for him. I bear in mind all the times when she and I would fight over many things… But ever since Taiko-san came into our lives, we’ve been fighting even more, especially over him. While you may think it’s immature to fight over a guy, all’s fair in love and war. And besides, we are both doing our best because we want to be all the best we can be to him.

As I recall the four girls who have feelings for Keiya in some shape or form, self-loathing grows more apparent. And it begins to point out every flaw that I do not wish to hear about as more stabs pierce my heart because of it.

Compared to all of the girls, you’re ugly! Look at you, you’re short and you’ve a body of a little kid! No wonder you can’t get a guy, because of your appearance!

You’re not straightforward; you always hold back everything you want to say just because you’re afraid to look foolish! And you’re not just emotionally violent, you’re both that AND physically violent! How long are you going to make Taiko-san, or any other guy, put up with your brutality?! Look at Azami; she may be emotionally violent, but she’s honest with her feelings and she understands and she’s helpful!

You may look cheerful on the outside when, in reality, you’re actually a pessimist! And you always do take things too seriously for your own good! Lighten up, will you?! I don’t know how anyone could put up with your attitude! Hotaru’s optimistic and playful as, due to her circumstances, she knows life is too short! And she’s also gentle in a sisterly way. I don’t see you being that way towards Taichi!

You always get angry so easily and often and you tend to hurt people that way! And you also don’t cook often or tend to screw up in your cooking! And also, you’re a slacker when it comes to studies! Miyu’s the opposite of you in those areas; though incapable to get angry, she’s very kind and gentle with a shy demeanor. She always works hard on her cooking, especially towards Taiko-san because she has feelings for him. And, on top of that, she’s the student with the top grades AND she’s the student council president!

Can’t you make an effort to be girly!? With your crude personality, it’s no wonder no guy looks at you and that’s because you’re an unladylike tomboy! Even though Aiko can be a bitch, at least she has confidence in herself and knows what she wants! And she’s physically stronger than you as well! She’s also feminine and classy and she has sex appeal!

You’re too childish!

Go grow a backbone!

Be girly once in a while!

You’ve a weak body! Get stronger or you can’t call yourself a swordswoman!

Stop holding back!

It’s not only your personality that needs fixing! It’s your bloodline as well! Do you think he’ll accept you after finding out why Taichi ordered him to bodyguard you?! As if! Fat chance, he’ll just turn a blind eye on you!

Taiko-san will never look at you if you don’t fix yourself in both personality and if he finds out what you truly are! You selfish, ugly girl! He will never accept you!

With all the willpower in me, I shove all of those voices at the back of my mind, closing the door and locking it. But as I’ve done so, I begin to shake, feeling my knees buckle under my weight. Shaking, shaking to the point I lost my balance and fell to the ground.

“Yuume-chan!” Footsteps run to me as Keiya bends down to look at me.

“Are you all right?!” There was fear and concern in his eyes. I dare to look at him with all of the eye contact I struggled to do.

Surprised grey meeting blank black now, if not blank for a moment. Afterwards, they became vibrant again, locking away the true emotions I don’t wish to show.

That’s right… I’m only his client… That’s why he’s like this now…

“Yes… I’m all right…” I reply with a halfhearted smile, hearing that brought him some sort of relief.

I’m impure, I’m so flawed… Out of all of the girls, I’m so soiled. I’m so dirty…

Please…

I took the hand that came in front of me, Keiya offering his hand to me to help me stand. Fighting hesitance, I took it in mine, and helped him hoist myself up. However, once that was done, I quickly let go, as if having scalded myself with boiling water.

“What’s wrong? I’m worried about you.” Concern is his tone of voice now.

Please, don’t worry about someone like me. Please, don’t tell me that. I know that I’m only your patron and nothing more.

“No, it’s nothing.” I answer him in such feeble attempt to be merry. I dust myself off and walk a little behind him, just as I’ve always done.

I wish to believe in you, I really do. But, for some reason, it hurts more.

Please, don’t be kind to me. Please, don’t be nice to me.

Leave me to be lonely, just like everyone else.

I don’t deserve your kindness.

Finally reaching the dorm building and our own dorm, I take out the key and unlock the door, hearing a gratifying click to indicate it. Without any hesitation, I took out the key from its place and walk in ahead of him.

“Hey… Yuume-chan…” Keiya makes an effort to reach out to me again and his voice sounds between reluctant and bashful. Having not look at him after we came in, my heart feels like it’s being clenched when I hear that tone of his.

“What is it… Taiko-san?”

When you act that way towards me, I always wonder if you’re truly open to me?

And when you say thank you, my heart hurts a little…

“I want to say that… If you ever do feel lonely… Or if you need me…”

I turn to look at him and he smiles to me kindly.

“Just call my name and I’ll come to you whenever you need me the most.”

I became taken aback when hearing this. Swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I manage to speak again.

“Do you… Promise to?”

“It’s a promise that I’ll keep, Yuume-chan. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, so I’m not leaving you alone, okay?”

As he went on to cook dinner in the kitchen, I settle myself on my bed. Making sure he’s occupied with cooking, I hid my head into my knees, feeling tears falling down my face, my body shaking with unheard sobs. And as I cry these bittersweet tears, a smile forms on my lips, though I am unsure why.

Thank you… Thank you for being so kind to me, Keiya…

But I love you so much, more than you’ll ever know, so please don’t be kind to me anymore!

The way you’re acting towards me, I know it can’t be true; you having feelings for me. In fact, even if you did have feelings for me…

“I really like you” sounds a lot more like you than “I love you.” Because I know you’ll never look at me in that way. And chances are, you never will…

But thank you for being by my side… Even if you’re just doing this out of duty… Even if you have no feelings towards me whatsoever…

Thank you, this is enough for me.

So, when the time comes of which girl you will choose as your lover…

Please, be happy. Because I will not be in your life anymore when that time comes.

Hitomi: I do plan on using this scene some time in the Miyu or Aiko arc since Azami wakes up in this one. But it’s going to be hard converting it into the third person’s point of view…

Do you get it now? On why I chose Dark Chocolate as the subtitle?

A one-sided love… And low self-esteem becoming more apparent because of it and the girls that want those same feelings to come from him…

This is why I say Hitomi’s the one who’s holding more pain than everyone else. I would say more on the whole bloodline bit (which is partially where her low self-esteem comes from), but that’ll be spoilers.

Well, I hope you enjoy this.