Summary: Faye needs her fairy godmother license but because of her history with magical misconduct, The Fairy Council doesn't think she should get one. Unless, that is, she proves herself by helping a human girl find true love. Except, this human girl isn't so keen on falling in love. Not to mention the only way Faye can get her magic back is to do favors for Wonderland creatures living on Earth. Thankfully she's got her roommate, The Mad Hatter, to help her out.

"Where's the March Hare?" she asked, looking around. When he didn't respond she assumed either he hadn't heard her or didn't understand so she elaborated. "You know...you're best friend?"

He scowled. "Probably off fucking Alice - the bastard. More tea?"

The Glass Pumpkin

Chapter 1: The Fairy Council (Of All Things Magical, Cursed, Giant, and Fairy-Related)

- - -

Enchanted figures, poised and elegant, traveling on dainty, sparkling wings and holding powerful weapons that could melt hearts and delight even the most disheartened, loneliest despondent in the world. The Wonderland World calls them fairies (sometimes spelled faeries) and only fairy godmothers, an elite group, could carry such powerful instruments of magic.

Faye Aurelia Yarrow Elfmarsh IV was not one of them.

Not yet, anyway.

In a matter of ten minutes she’d get her first assignment, her first good deed to help the creatures living in Wonderland maybe live happier lives. And she’d no longer be known as a fairy ward, ward to Nerissa Arielle Woodstock II, an elder fairy. She’d be a fully-fledged fairy godmother. She’d get her full wings, her wand – the weapon of choice in dealing with despondent magical creatures, and maybe even a cute, pink sparkly dress to top off her transformation.

The fairy who had stood (or levitated since fairies were lazy creature who didn’t like using their feet and preferred exercising their wings instead) in front of her was just finishing up with her meeting with the Fairy Council Of All Things Magical, Cursed, Giant, and Fairy-Related. All the while, waiting, Faye could hardly keep herself steady – she was so overcome with joy. Unless things went horribly wrong, she’d finally get her wand. And then…

A woman’s voice boomed loudly, “Faye Aurelia Yarrow Elfmarsh…” There was a pause. “The Fourth.”

Determined, Faye took a deep breath and entered the office. It was shiny and bright when she got inside and everything seemed so much more intimidating than she had imagined it to be. To her left there was a grumpy goblin holding a long wooden staff, standing guard. He looked displeased, as most goblins do (especially when they’re forced to work for or even alongside fairies). In front of her were long, towering individual tables and chairs where five individual fairies were seated, looking down at Faye with stern looks.

Faye recognized two of them. Although she didn’t keep up much with the politics in Grimm, some prominent politicians were easier to recognize than others. The first was sitting in the middle, Magistrate Delrina Plumfoot. She was a thin, bony woman with short sea colored hair and small rounded spectacles sitting on the bridge of her nose, attached to a chain around her ear.

The other was a pixie, political party leader of the Pixie’s Republican Party of Grimm. Snow-white hair, a bright red nose, and a scarlet coat, he was a fat, jolly man despite the horrors he’d endured in the Chimaeran Civil War. Friends called him Santa for short, but his true name was Oberon Avery Claus.

Delrina wiggled her fingers and slowly a manila file manifested itself in front of her. “Faye Aurelia Yarrow Elfmarsh,” the magistrate read, from the cover. With a slight twinge of her index finger, the file flipped open. “It says here you’re the ward of Nerissa Arielle Woodstock II. Hmm…Nice fairy but an oddball, I’ve heard.”

Faye’s face fell. If they didn’t think Nerissa was competent enough to teach her everything she needed to know to be a fairy godmother, would all those years of training become futile? She really wanted those wings and her wand. Nerissa, albeit eccentric, was a great teacher. So she had to let them know.

“Madame Nerissa is a wonderful instructor,” Faye announced. “Her ways are unconventional but that doesn’t mean she isn’t worldly, experienced, and overall one of the most remarkable fairies I’ve ever met. She gave Sleeping Beauty her wit, you know. Without that, who knows what would’ve happened to her. And she makes delicious pies.”

The council looked at each other thoughtfully for a moment.

“Sleeping Beauty still pricked her finger, though,” Delrina reminded. “Despite that wit.”

Faye’s face fell once more but this time Oberon spoke for her defense. “Her Highness was put under a spell,” he said, “Wit or no wit she still would’ve pricked her finger.”

Worried, Faye hoped that the topic of discussion would change since she didn’t want to be the cause for a serious debate among the council members. Sleeping Beauty’s fate had always been the subject of much controversy. People speculated that she intentionally pricked her finger, knowing she’d doom her kingdom to 100 years of sleep for her own selfish reasons. Critics said she was a lazy (an attribute the fairies failed to cover) girl and had been tired of the laborious life of a maiden. One hundred years of sleep was her way out, they said.

Personally, Faye thought it was absurd. But then again, she’d never personally met Her Highness before.

“It says here you’ve violated 1,500 council ordinances in the past 100 years of your training, all pertaining to magic, isn’t that correct?” Delrina said. She peered through the gap between her forehead and her glasses at Faye.

Faye gulped. “Well, y-y-yes but…”

“This amount of violations and you thought you qualified for a fairy godmother license? Number 999, failing to hang a horseshoe on your front door in the case of one boggart in order to prevent a boggart outbreak,” Delrina read.

So she’d inadvertently caused a boggart outbreak in her village… “That wasn’t my fault,” Faye protested. “I didn’t know there was a boggart in the house.”

“Number 998, giving toad soup to any and all boggart in an attempt to befriend them,” the magistrate read on.

Inwardly, Faye groaned. “So there was that one time,” she shrugged. “In my defense, he was such a poor, lonely, old thing.”

“Number 645, drinking ambrosia while underage. You’re village doesn’t allow drinking until the age of 321, correct?” Delrina looked completely at ease, peering down at Faye in that austere demeanor. It was rather unnerving.

The council members were murmuring amongst themselves.

“It was one time,” Faye cried, hopelessly. “Okay…” Pause. “So maybe it was more than that but everyone does it. It’s a silly rule.”

There was more murmuring. Faye blushed. She supposed challenging ancient laws passed by the fairy council wasn’t such a bright idea.

“And most shocking of all,” Delrina declared, “Number 1441, making a love potion.”

The council members gasped and chatter immediately ceased. Making love potions was considered a serious offense – one Faye managed to get paroled on. Breaking the law was one thing but doing it for a friend was another. And the darn concoction didn’t even work. That was another stupid rule, she decided, but decided against voicing her opinion this time.

“Faye Aurelia Yarrow Elfmarsh,” Delrina’s voice boomed, smirking when she caught Faye’s attention. The fairy ward winced and looked down at her feet. So obviously she wasn’t going to get her full wings. She supposed she could live with the set she had at the moment. And wands…well, she could do without. Oh! Who was she kidding? Enhanced magic was better than her magic – magic that couldn’t even make simple love potions to work.

“Due to the number of code violations you have committed regarding fairy magic in the past 100 years, we would have no choice but to strip you of your powers,” a slightly younger looking female fairy Faye didn’t recognize explained.

Oberon spoke up next, smiling down at her in a much more gentler fashion than any of the other council members, “But because of the many years you’ve been training under Nerissa we’ve decided to give you a task to prove yourself worthy. If you pass, all shall be forgiven and we won’t shackle you to a wooden log in the middle of the Black Forest."

“The abuses you have committed regarding magic will not go unpunished, mind you,” Delrina said, smiling sweetly. “Therefore we’re banishing you to the earth world.”

“Earth world?” Faye cried.

“We’re giving you a human,” Oberon remarked. “A human girl.”

Faye couldn’t believe it. Earth humans!? The ones in Wonderland were okay. The Four Great Queens (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Rapunzel) were a good example of this. Those were the few okay ones but the ones that lived on Earth were terribly violent, self-destructive creatures that ate fairies for breakfast. And the magical (or non-magical) creatures from Wonderland that went there – it was usually because they’d broken a serious law. Earth was banishment, exile – a dumping ground for Wonderland criminals: pirates, garden gnomes, wolves, and…infamous Little Red Riding Hood with the cunningness of a con artist.

Hopefully, they didn't cross paths.

“A despondent,” the same fairy from earlier elaborated (on the human girl). “In the earth world they call their melancholy folk teenagers.”

“I can’t go to the earth world!” Faye cried. She’d heard horrible nightmarish stories from friends about the “forbidden realm”. “They’ll eat me!”

“Best you don’t get eaten then,” Delrina replied sardonically.

“They don’t eat fairies, dear,” Claus clarified, giving a heartily laugh. “Most humans don’t even know us magic folk exist. And the ones who do, the young people, they practically worship us.”

Faye begrudgingly admitted that he was probably telling the truth. If anyone would know anything about humans, it was Oberon Avery Claus. Along with being the leader of his political party, he was also an active philanthropist. He had a summer (winter on Earth) vacation home there, somewhere called the North Pole, with his wife. He’d practically built a colony there where elves, a severely discriminated species, lived and worked. His annual trips across the globe were spent delivering presents, on an earthen holiday called Christmas.

There he was revered. But it didn’t make Faye feel any better. She was being banished from her own realm – exiled! And here she thought she was getting her full-fledged wings and becoming a fairy godmother.

“B-b-b-but…”

“Silence!” Delrina’s voice boomed once more. “If you do not abide by our wishes then we will bind you to a log in the Black Forest, clip your wings, and take away your license to magic, understood?”

Faye gulped. She certainly didn’t want any of those things to happen. Her wings and her magic were too precious. And her livelihood if it came down to exile in the Black Forest.

“Where will I stay?” she asked in a meek voice.

The council looked at each other and nodded. Oberon spoke, “The Mad Hatter. The council sent him on a special assignment to Earth a few decades ago.”

The Mad Hatter. As in the crazy, tea-addicted, party boy? This was getting worse and worse by the minute. Faye only gulped. She'd come for her fairy godmother test and instead she was getting punished. Punished! She could only stare in gaping fear. She continued to stare when a large oval started morphing to her right, swirly and glittery and getting bigger by the second. It was a portal, she recognized. But a portal to what? Earth? She hoped it was all a practical joke and once she went into the portal she'd end up at Nerissa's. Not Earth.

She closed her eyes and wished...and wished...

"Have a safe trip." Delrina smiled sweetly and with a wave of her hand, Faye was thrown head first into the portal.

...All she could do was wait for the inevitable human filled madness that would unfold...