AN: The final chapter. Thank you.

Chapter Thirteen

I followed Alex back to her car keeping a good three feet between us. Her reoccurring crush on me? That couldn’t be right I thought. Alex isn’t that way. She’s put me through hell. There’s no way.

It would’ve been easier to believe my own defense but the way everyone looked unsurprised – save for Candice – contradicted the denial that had formed inside. I still wasn’t going to go with her. What was this a joke? But Candice urged me to go and kissed me good luck and I left without another glance back.

Alex had parked at a hotel across the street so the walk was long enough for me to regain some kind of composure and give her a chance to go over our discussion before it would happen. As I slipped into the passenger seat of her mustang, it was like stepping into the sun after a long storm. For a split second I felt happy to be back beside my best friend like old times but this wouldn’t be like old times. It probably would never be. I bit my cheek at the thought wondering why I cared so much.

The car purred to life and Alex started to drive in silence, not even the radio played. It was only awkward, unending, forever silence as we drove along the off road then switched onto the highway zooming with the flow of traffic. I guess it was good the highways had such a high speed limit or we’d surely get pulled over if a bad note were struck during this ordeal.

I leaned my head against the window, head angled toward Alex. Her mouth was moving ever so slightly as she spoke to herself, fingers clenched and unclenched around the steering wheel. Her hair was scattered over her head so that her bangs fell right over her eyes shielding away the anxiety and fear that shined in them. In one swift motion she relaxed with a long sigh leaning her body against the door, one hand steering while the other propped her head up against the window. I tensed up waiting for her to begin.

She licked her lips slowly. “I’m sorry,” She said then cleared her throat to get rid of the extra rasp. “I didn’t mean to ruin your night. I figured I’d wait until you got home but I couldn’t. I was getting antsy.”

She spoke slowly and even monitoring her every word for once in her life. It wasn’t just random sputters, or the first thing on her mind. How different.

“I went by your house three times before I drove to House of Waffles and waited across the street.” She paused glancing over to me. I just kept looking at her from the corners of my eyes. “When I saw you and Eden’s posse come out of there I almost drove away. I mean what was I going to say? I’ve screwed up enough. You have no reason to forgive me.”

Eden’s posse. I grinned but quickly wiped it off. The car veered to the right to an exit. I looked up to see CARSON written on the big green sign and sighed a groan. It was where Alex and I would go to get out of the city, go watch some of the bigger and better teams play, sneak off and spend all of our allowance in the city. If she thought bringing me here would help the situation she was wrong. It made it worse.

I sat up in my seat leaning all the way back, head titled to the ceiling. “What made you come in the first place?” I asked.

I waited for her reply. “I was talking to…” She paused running through a yellow light. “I was talking to Ashley about everything and she sort of snapped me back into my right mind.”

There it was again. Ashley, Ashley Porter. What was it about her that made Alex so awkward and why was she even so important to her? Seeming a little more important then I am to her. It hurt slightly. I swallowed the pain.

“So you’re speaking to her again?” I asked dryly.

“Uh, sort of. Not exactly. We’ve talked a few times since the concert.”

“So her being gay doesn’t bother you anymore, huh?”

She narrowed her eyes but said nothing and turned into a dusty patch of off road that looked over a lake. Stretching for miles was the City City Bridge trekked by only a couple of cars ever other minute. Alex shut off the car and got out. I followed her down the slop that led closer to the water and watched as she picked up a handful of rocks and chunked them one by one into the brackish water.

I rolled my eyes and sat down behind her. “So it doesn’t bother you anymore?”

“It never did.” She grunted tossing a rock. “I never cared at all. I had a crush on you for goodness sake.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.” I spat. “You jumped down my throat when I told you, you insulted me in front of the team not only once but twice.”

“I’m sorry.”

If it were anytime before, I wouldn’t be able to speak to Alex like this but I was in pain. Everything came up like word vomit. “You’ve hurt me so much. I hated it. How do I know you’re not just saying that so you can somehow relate to me? Do you really know how hard it is?”

“I know I did and I’m sorry. I know now that wasn’t the way to do things.” She spun on her heels to look at me letting the rest of the rocks fall from her hand. “And I’m not lieing about having a crush on you, Asia. I did and sometimes I think I still do.”

I shrugged pulling my legs to my chest. She was being so transparent with me at the moment I didn’t like it. I didn’t like listening to her confess to things I thought she was oppose to. I didn’t like the feeling of learning new things about someone I thought I knew front to back.

“You don’t believe me do you?” She asked sitting down cross-legged on the ground in front of me.

“It’s a little hard to believe you at the moment.” She titled her head for more. “All this time I thought you were one way and you did good at pretending to hate me and Candice and now…You’re saying all of that was…I don’t know.”

“A front?”

I growled. “Why? Why would you do that? I was falling apart not having you there. I’ve been suffering.”

She shuddered violently. “I know, I know. I was too. I hated not talking to you.”

“So why’d you do it?” She opened her mouth but closed it. It appeared some questions would be harder to get out of her. I took in a deep breath shaking my head. “Will you answer something for me?”

She hesitated for a moment before she answered. “Anything.”

I looked her straight in her amber eyes I hadn’t been use to since fifth grade. Looking into them made me picture her as that little girl with auburn pigtails and braces. I cringed. “What happened your freshmen year?”

As soon as I asked it she froze. She regretted agreeing to my question but it was too late to go back. She wouldn’t dare do it tonight. But I had to make sure.

“The truth if you will.” I added.

She waved her hand in annoyance and looked to her lap, fingers fumbling with a blade of dry grass. “Freshmen year.” She said reminiscently. “Can I go farther back just so I can kill two birds with one stone?”

I shrugged.

“Um, lets see. Remember that night when you stayed at my house and we watched that scary movie even though my dad told us not to?” I suppressed a grin at the memory and nodded. “Yeah, you were so freaked out.”

“So were you.”

“Well yeah I was like, what, ten?” She sighed happily then continued. “That night you curled up next to me and I held you through the night because you were afraid something would come and grab you.” She stopped to look up at me but I was waiting for more. “That’s when I first felt it. I didn’t really understand it but…I don’t know. I liked having you close to me.

“When I saw you again the next day I felt the same way when we played and it terrified me. I was too young to understand crushes but I had a big one on you and I was scarred because you were my best friend and a girl. Soon it went away but I’d get the same feeling for some of the other girls I knew. I wanted to talk to my dad but…did you know the reason why my mom and dad got divorced because she had an affair?”

I perked up at the change in subject and frowned. “Really?” I asked curiously.

Her head bobbed up and down in a nod. “It was with some woman from the bar she worked at.”

“Oh,”

“Yeah. That’s sort of why I freaked when I started liking you. My dad got rid of my mom, called her trash and unholy for what she did. I was scared he’d do the same to me if I were to let him know.”

My legs fell into a cross like Alex’s and I leaned forward, elbows resting on my knees. It almost felt like old times with Alex when we let down the walls and just laid everything out. Like always, she had the most things to say and I’d listen intrigued by her stories. This time I was more hurt then intrigued. Knowing I was missing a chunk like this from her life was like missing a lung or a kidney.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I asked quietly.

She shrugged. “I told you I was scared. We weren’t raised like that.” It was understandable enough. I would’ve probably done the same thing to her.

I nodded. “So where does this get into freshmen year?” She made a face. “You have to tell me, Alexandra. From what I’ve heard from Cheyenne and the others a lot must’ve happened and I know it did. So what was it?”

“Cheyenne.” Her nose scrunched up.

“Yes, Cheyenne. You use to talk to them, didn’t you?”

“I did,” she sighed getting ready to begin again. I waited. “All of us did. Eden, Trinity, Calyssto, Cheyenne, myself and Ashley.” I grimaced at the last name. “Ashley was a cheerleader and didn’t fit into the real athletic crowd but we let her because she was…”

Another long stretch of silence that had me on my toes. I figured not to try and push her on since this was probably already hard for her to do no matter how easy she made it look. Telling someone you’ve lied to for years the truth was never an easy thing to do.

“Ashley. Ashley was…She was my girlfriend.”

“What?” It left my mouth involuntarily. I should’ve been expecting that one but it caught me by full surprised knocking all the air out of me from shock.

“She was my first official girlfriend.” She admitted sheepishly. It all explained so much.

“Of-official?”

She blushed. What a weird reaction to see displayed on her. “There were other instances but they don’t count.”

“Wow,” I said through my teeth. I had managed to stay calm throughout this whole talk but now my anger was catching up to me.

“I know, I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you, but my dad found out after hearing the six of us talking one night when they came over. Then he saw me kiss her and he stormed out the house and yelled at Ashley and the others and told them to leave.”

“Anger runs in the family, huh?” I said under my breath and she rolled her eyes.

“Then he shoved me back into the house. God, Asia, I was so freaked out. I seriously thought he was going be beat the hell out of me. I mean first his wife, now his daughter was turning a couple of degrees to the east.” She shook her head as if to shed the memories. I frowned scooting closer to her. “He threatened to kick me out of the house if I kept talking to her or any of the others. I told him the others weren’t like that but he didn’t care.

“One day he came to the school and pulled me out of class saying he was going to transfer me to some all girls school or something dumb. I told him I’d only become more of a lesbian if he did that and he stopped talking to me for about a month.”

I heard a faint sniffle and looked up. There it was, a tear running down her cheek. At that moment, I felt myself break inside. I moved so I was sitting right next to her and put an arm over her shoulder and flicked off the tear. “Is this when your depression got worse and, you know, you started…cutting?” She nodded looking up at me.

“I wanted to tell you so bad Asia, but I didn’t know how I was going to. I lost all of my good friends at school and the best thing that ever happened to me.” I winced. “Besides you of course.” She added with a sniff.

“Thanks.”

She grinned slightly. “Because everything about me stayed within Eden’s posse, I wasn’t worried about it getting out. They don’t do that kind of stuff so I was relived and let time pass trying to cope and build myself back up. It was so hard especially seeing Ashley everyday. At first we were going to date in secret but we both agreed not to. Neither of us liked to hide things like that and now she’s with Jamie and, yeah it sucks, but she seems happy enough.”

“So why did you lie?” I asked. “If you have always been that way, why would you act like you never were? Isn’t that hypocritical?”

“It is.” She answered turning away from me. “I’ve been trying to fight it, fight what I’ve felt towards you. It never went away, obviously. When you told me about you and Candice I was both jealous and scared. I acted that way because I wanted you to stop. I thought you’d choose me over her. Me in a friend way that is. I was scared that you’d go through the same thing I did and jealous because, well, you know why.”

Her head dropped in her lap and she sucked in a breath. I lifted her head up with a finger and she forced on a smile. With a blink, the rest of her tears fell from her sweet eyes and I wiped them away with my fingers. She caught my hand on her cheek and strung her fingers within mine.

“I’m so sorry, Anastasia. I tried to help but I only lost you.” More tears started to fall and I ached to kiss them off her cheeks. “That hurt more then losing Ashley. You really are my everything.” She blushed. “I love you, Asia.”

I shuddered. What was I to say? ‘I love you too, Alex!!’ I couldn’t admit to that. No matter how much I tried to think of Alex in the position as Candice, I couldn’t. I don’t think I could keep Candice in that position. In truth, I did love Alex but it was like a sister. The way Karen and Cameron love each other. I think that’s the strongest bond you can have with a person.

“About what I said during practice…I was just pissed off. I wasn’t over the shock that you were really that way and then at the game…” She paused ashamed. “I did it because you were really sucking. I know it wasn’t nice, I hated saying those things, but you started to pitch like an animal and I was happy.”

“Thanks I guess.” I smiled halfheartedly. “I thought you didn’t care.”

“Of course I cared!” She grabbed my other shaking hand and held them on her knees. “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” She asked taking us out of the uncomfortable atmosphere that started to choke me.

“You know I will.” My voice cracked. I’ve always said I couldn’t fall to what Alex said. I couldn’t not forgive her. Not with what she had just done telling me all of this. I didn’t want to live any longer without my best friend.

She grinned and let my hands go. She didn’t fully believe me. “I really do forgive you, Alex. I guess I can understand why you did all of this. You were just trying to protect me…in a really bad way, but it was with good intention.”

She nodded slowly rubbing her face with the tail of her shirt. “What can I do to let you know I really do forgive you?” I asked but I already knew what I’d do. I titled her head back up to face me holding her cheek in my palm.

A wave of heat rushed through me as I leaned in and let our lips meet. She took in a sharp breath just as surprised as I was with my actions. Butterflies filled my stomach as my lips moved against her and she responded. My tongue hit her lips and they parted tentatively letting me in. Sparks of acid electricity jolted through me as the kiss sunk into something more passionate. My hands came up to curl in her hair while hers stayed limp on her knees. I pulled her closer to me savoring the moment that felt so wrong it was right.

What was I doing? Wasn’t I just denying my love for Alex just a second ago? Her long, thin fingers curled around my neck keeping me in place. I couldn’t let this go on much longer. I didn’t want this to be happening. Somewhere in the back of my mind was saying stop and I yielded to it and pulled away breathlessly and untangled my fingers from her hair. Her hands fell from their spot reluctantly.

Heated desire sung in her eyes and ripped through my veins so violent it was hard not to resists the temptation. Instantly I thought of Candice to put me back in my place but I couldn’t seem to hold just her in my mind.

“I told you I’d forgive you.” I said in a gasp still trying to find my voice.

Alex smirked. “Thank you but,” she paused getting up of the ground to tower above me. “It’s not nice to tease.”

“Huh?” I shot up regretting it when dizziness struck.

Alex held my arms to keep me standing straight until the fuzziness faded. “I appreciate it, but now I’ll just have to live knowing I’ll never feel that again.”

I looked up at her sorry for what I did but she didn’t seem too pained by it. “Lets go, it’s almost two o’clock.” She said and I followed her back to the car. I started to round to the passenger seat but I wasn’t done. Something in me said yes.

Just as Alex opened her door I pushed it close and spun her around to face me. I was at a loss for words as I peered into her eyes. “What if I wasn’t teasing?” I whispered stretching on my tiptoes to get to her mouth. I got a peck before she pulled back.

Her eyebrows arched and I frowned. “When did you get so bold?” She snickered gently pushing me away from her but I could tell she didn’t want to. “Get into the f-ing car.”

Slowly, I jogged to my side and climbed into my side. The car roared to life and I waited for her to pull out but she didn’t. I watched her sink back into that tense state where she clung to the steering wheel. I thought we were done with being tense around each other.

“Alex?” I asked.

Slowly her head turn to me, a mischievous smirk playing on her raw lips. Reaching over, she jerked up the lever that made my seat go back then climbed over so she was above me.

My stomach twisted into a fine knot as she lowered herself. I placed a finger on her lips before they could meet. “Just once.” I told her.

She frowned then grinned. “As long as I get you one time.”

Fair enough. I pulled her down on top of me but she left my lips to nibble on my neck running her nose and lips over my throat and biting every once in a while. Her teeth made me giddy. I chuckled softly sliding my hands down her back and she moaned happily.

My heart raced for the first time in weeks, the blood beat in my ears making them hot. Her tongue slid up a pulse vein in my neck and to my ear. Her hot breath made me wild. Why did they always have to go there? I forced her back to kiss me. She yanked away just as I bit her lip and smirked wanting more.

“We should stop.” Her husky, rasped voice made me melt.

I groaned holding her in place. “Why?”

“You don’t have to do this for me.” She kissed my temple and rolled away back into her seat. “I’ve dealt with it so far, I‘m fine with just being a friend and I don’t seriously think you actually want me.”

I bit my lip trying to avoid her piercing eyes. I needed to be honest with myself. I wasn’t going to lie. I liked what just happened probably more then I enjoyed it with Candice but what was there in the long run? Would I be like Karen and continue along with my girlfriend now with my best friends blessing? I didn’t think I could continue with Candice not after making out with Alex knowing that there are better things then what you have out there. Things such as, best friends, sexy best friends, and better.

“You’re right.” I admitted letting up my chair. “I don’t. I won’t do that to our friendship. I like that more then anything romantic.” I sighed. “But after that, I don’t think I still want to stay with Candice either.”

She didn’t say anything to that. She nodded her head and started up the car and pulled back onto the road. I watched her on the way home. She was smiling the whole way, a new flame burning in her eyes. I wish she’d go without the contacts, her natural color made her that much more attractive.

When we pulled up to my house, I could see a light coming from the living room. Past two and Harrison was still up waiting for me? He was probably asleep on the couch by now.

“Thanks for trying to protect me.” I said grabbing her hand that sat on the gearshift.

She beamed holding mine tighter. “I tried.”

“And you succeeded.”

She grumbled something under her breath I didn’t catch and wasn’t going to ask. “So, could we possibly be friends with benefits?” She asked out of the window as I rounded to the walk. I glared at her shaking my head. “It was worth a try.”

“Goodbye, Alex. See you tomorrow.” It felt so good to say that again.

“Later homo!” Her tries screeched on the pavement and she was gone. I knew from then on our friendship wouldn’t ever be the same.

I hurried to get inside worried Harrison was still on the couch. I told him he didn’t have to stay up for me like that anymore, but I bet mom put him up to it. Maybe I’ll get to ask him why they came to the game tonight.

“Asia, is that you?” It was moms voice.

I froze halfway through the door. “Yes ma’am.” I replied slipping off my jacket to hang it on a coat hook.

“Will you come here please?”

Walking past the kitchen I turned to see Madison sitting on the counter. She looked up and tip toed over to me holding a finger over her lips so I wouldn’t talk.

“Why is mom still awake?” I whispered and she frowned, fear embedded deep in her green eyes.

“Candice.” She replied in a whisper.

“Anastasia, come here please!” She called again.

“I’m so, so, so very sorry.” Before I could ask Madi another question, she shoved me the rest of the way down the hall so I was now at the edge of the living room.

On the chair sat mom phone in her hand. She looked up at me for a split second, disgust painted on her aged face, then looked away. “Sit down please.” She said dryly and I obeyed slowly descending onto the couch as far away from her as I could.

I sat there watching her. She didn’t move. Her lips were pulled to a taught line, eyebrows creased in the center. Her eyes, dark eyes, were glazed over as she pondered something difficult. When I asked Madison why she was up all she said it was Candice. What did Candice have to do with anything and why would it make my mom stay up like this?

My mind started to race as I thought about all the things that could’ve happened. What if Candice’s dad had called saying she was in a car accident or was in the hospital? My heart pumped as the silence began to drag on. That couldn’t be it not to get a reaction like that from Madison.

“Mom,” my voice cracked and her head popped up to look at me. “What is it?”

“Where were you?” She asked placing the phone on the coffee table.

“I was out…” I replied twiddling with a loose thread on the couch. “With some of the girls on the team.”

“Why didn’t you call and tell us where you were?” She barked.

I cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve never had to tell you before when I went out with the team.”

“Well that’s going to change.”

“What why?”

Again silence took over and I shook my foot impatiently. I couldn’t grasp what was going on here. Mom has never been like this. Sure, she cane be a bitch at times but she didn’t go to the extreme of staying up and waiting for me. She usually made Harrison do that, and even then it was a waste.

I heard her clear her throat and I snapped my eyes up to focus in. “When were you going to tell me you were dating?”

“Wh-What?” I stuttered, a lump the size of Jupiter swelled up in my throat. “What are you…what are you talking about?”

“You know very well what I’m talking about.” She paused looking at me from under her eyelashes. “Do you have something to tell me, Anastasia?” Oh no. It hit me hard.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Heat flushed over my body and I felt sweat start to bubble on my forehead. I could feel nausea start to come in slowly causing my mouth to water salty. Then anger set in as the puzzle pieces came together. Madison told my mom. Madi, that two-faced went and told my mom! I couldn’t lie now. I couldn’t make up a story to counter Mady’s words. My mom knew Madison couldn’t lie to her.

I sucked in a deep breath and gulped down the ocean of saliva under my tongue to press down the nausea. My jaw quivered as I opened my mouth to say the words. I couldn’t believe this. “Yes ma’am I do.” I said, voice shaking like a lawn mower.

“What is it, sweet heart?” She asked. She already knew what it was she was testing me to see if I would try and lie to her, but I wasn’t going to.

“Mom,” I said in an octave higher then my normal voice then coughed to get kinks out of my throat. “Mom, I’m gay.” I said as calm as I could then mustered enough balls to let the rest come out. “And I’m dating a girl. Actually, I’m with Candice” My mortification was overruled by rage.

Her face took on crimson. She had been expecting me to deny the truth so she could yell at me some more but I didn’t. Now, she was getting it head on letting the truth sink in. The only thing I was thinking was: oh god, oh god, oh god! I learned, from the past three or so weeks, to hide true emotion though.

“When did Madison tell you?” I asked. Silence. “Wait, is that why you were at the game and kept looking at me and her that way?” I snapped jumping up.

“Call her.” She said dryly passing me the phone.

“Call who?”

“Candice.”

“Why?” I snapped snatching the phone from her hand.

She did her best not to smack me for being so rude. “You’re ending this right now.”

I gritted my teeth together, the phone slid in my sweaty palms. This was my chance to do one of two things. Call Candice and break up with her because my mom was making me and tell her that or call and do it because I truly wanted to.

“Fine.” I pushed in the ten digits staring my mom straight in the eyes.

In all truth I was freaking out. As soon as this phone call was made, what would she do with me? She hadn’t seemed to mad with the information but that was because Madison told her long before which gave her enough time to turn it over in her head,

“Hey baby, how’d it go with Alex?” Was the first thing Candice said.

The phone was turned up loud enough so my mom could hear so I couldn’t fake her out. “It went fine but there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What?” She sounded detached as if she was doing her nails or watching a funny sitcom.

I waited looking at my mom. She threw up a hand for me to hurry up. I sucked in a deep breath. “Candice, it’s been great but.” How would I say this? I didn’t want to sound like a bitch when I said it. I mean, I still sort of liked her but the true feelings had slipped away.

“But, I don’t think. No. I haven’t felt very much between us anymore.”

The soft hum in the background dropped off and I heard her shift around on her bed. “What are you saying, exactly?”

I bit my lip. I didn’t like hurting her like this but it was what I had to do. I was stuck in the same situation as Alex was. “I’m saying that I don’t…Frankly, I’m breaking up with you, Candice.”

The words fell out of my mouth like vomit. It was easier to do it this time. It didn’t feel like a complete separation like it did with Tyler. For some reason I felt free, like a weight was being pulled off my shoulders. It was the brokenness in her voice that was getting to me.

There was a long pause. “What? Why? Was it something with Alex because that’s not fair and-“

“Look, Candice, it’s not Alex okay.” I glared to look at my mom who had a satisfaction gleaming in her dark eyes. “It’s…I told you. I don’t feel the same about you and…that’s all.” I wouldn’t tell her it had to do with my mom or Alex’s amazing kisses. This was all on me.

“Okay,” she paused suppressing a sob. “If that’s how you feel whatever.”

“It is, and I’m sorry. We can still be friends though right?”

“I don’t think so.” My mom said in the background. I kept myself from flipping her off.

“I guess.” I could hear the smile in her voice but I knew it was because she thought we’d be more then just friends. “This is bye, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Bye.”

I clicked off the phone and handed it back to my mom waiting for her to say something more. She got what she wanted so what more could she want from me?

“I don’t have anything else to say to you.” She said dryly setting the phone into its cradle. “You’re free to go.”

I shook my head and stormed towards the stairs holing back the ocean of angry tears that wanted to flow. “Oh and, Anastasia. You will be staying home from school tomorrow.”

“Bull shit!” I snarled. “I did what you wanted and I’m not going back on it.”

In a flash, mom was on her feet and in my face. “You better watch that mouth of your, young lady. You’re in enough trouble as it already is don’t push it.”

“Trouble? I never did anything.” I stepped back. “All I did was give in to the truth of what I am. Can’t you accept it? Can’t you just understand your ‘perfect’ daughter isn’t so perfect after all?”

“Go to your room.” She demanded through clenched teeth.

Gladly, I skipped up the stairs into my room and slammed the door.

I picked up the phone thinking of only one number to call.

“Hello?” Chimed in Alex. I beamed.

Something about her voice could never let me down.

THE END

The Last Tuesday