Chapter 6

Scared

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Asher snatched the phone from me.

“Hello, Delilah… No, I’m not Jackson… Uh… this is Asher Bennett… We met once, I think… Jackson can’t talk right now… well, he’s…a little bit drunk…okay, really drunk…He’s hurt bad.”

“Shh! Jesus, man! Way to make me sound like a pussy, Ash!”

“Quiet, Jack!” he snapped. “Yes, Delilah, I’ll tell him that… I’ll have him call you tomorrow, if he’s sober by then. Thanks, I try to be a good friend to him…he’s a good guy.”

I stared over him at he closed the phone and handed it back to me.

“Not a good guy,” I whispered.

“You do your best, Jack.” He patted my shoulder. “…you okay? You look like you might…”

And the world went dark.

I awoke feeling lost. I had a mind-blowing headache and I looked around helplessly for Delilah.

“Cupcake?” I called out, my voice so goddamn loud in my own head. I looked at the table and saw three aspirin and a glass of water. I wasn’t at home. Lila never did this for me.

“You up, Jack?” Asher hollered.

“Shh!” I hissed, popping the pill and chugging the water. Asher came into the room, hair sticking up at odd angles.

“You were hammered last night. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk.”

“That’s funny, ‘cause none of my high school friends ever saw me sober. It’s been a long time since I passed out.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “What all happened last night?”

“You said some really nice things about me, cried, and drunk-dialed Delilah.”

“Fuck. What’d I say?”

“Nothing. I took care of it. She wants you to call her.”

“Okay…” I stretched with a jaw cracking yawn. “Thanks for everything, Asher. I’ll get outta your hair as soon as the room stops spinning so much.”

“Shut up. You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.”

“I’m sure Maya won’t appreciate my presence.”

Maya was Asher’s girlfriend. She was quiet and pissy most of the time and she didn’t like to share Asher with anyone.

“There isn’t much Maya does appreciate, Jack. She’ll deal. Call Lila.” He got up. “I’m getting in the shower. I’ll expect you to have spoken to her by the time I get out.”

I decided to call Sam first. I wanted to know how things were going from his point of view before I talked to Delilah.

“Hey,” Sam answered on the third ring.

“Hi, Sammy. What’s up?”

“It’s weird having her here, but she hasn’t said much. She’s definitely upset, Jack. Probably as upset as you.”

“I dunno about that,” I drawled.

“You need to talk to her.”

“I know, I know. I will. It’s just gonna be hard. I almost wish…I’d left her alone when she was with you.”

“Aw man. You had six really happy months. You shouldn’t want to trade that.”

“I dunno,” I grumbled. “I just don’t know. I’ll call ya later. I better talk to Delilah before I lose my nerve. I hung up with Sam and drew in a deep breath. I didn’t want to do any more crying at Asher’s house. I really didn’t want to do any more crying period. Everyone already thought I was enough of a pansy.

I hit speed dial two and clenched my jaw.

“Hello?” Lila sounded miserable when she answered. I felt sorry for her, despite the fact that I felt equally shitty.

“Hi hon,” I said softly.

“Y-ya got drunk last night?”

“Yeah, I did. I’m sorry about calling.”

We were both being so careful. I noticed it was the first time in a while a conversation had started in a civil manner. It was strange to hear the softness in her voice that had been absent for the last month.

“I guess I can’t blame you.”

“You said you wanted to talk,” I said gently but insistently. I didn’t want the conversation to drag on any longer than it had to be.

“Yeah…” There was a pause during which I heard her chewing at her nails.

“What about?” I asked patiently.

“I… I don’t want to be over. I love you, Jackson.”

“Oh Christ… don’t do this to me, Delilah. Please. This is hard enough…”

“Are you saying we’re really done…like forever?”

I sighed heavily and I really felt like bashing my head against the wall hard and repeatedly. She was the one who had completely destroyed our relationship. It wasn’t fair for her to be sorry now. I didn’t want to be cruel…but I didn’t’ know if taking her back was best for my mental health.

“Maybe… maybe we should meet up and talk about this…”

“Okay!” she sounded so excited, it broke my heart to finish the sentence.

“Next weekend.”

“Oh… all right. What are we gonna do ‘til then?”

“I’m gonna stay with Ash…and I’ll…I’ll call ya every night…” my eyes were starting to water a little. “I can’t do this right now. I gotta go. I love you,” I said quickly and hung up the phone.

When Asher got out of the shower I was sprawled face down on the sofa.

“How’d it go?” he asked, plopping down on top of my feet.

“Get offa me,” I grunted, pulling my legs closer to my body. “She wants to get back together.”

“Hmm. Well…what’d you say?”

I rolled over and grabbed my pack of smokes from the coffee table. I lit up and took a drag, watching my smoke as it made its way toward the ceiling.

“I told her we’d talk about it next weekend.”

“You’re just gonna leave her hanging!? Jack, that’s awful.”

“I’m in a really bad situation here, Asher! Maybe you don’t get it! I love the hell out of this girl—wanted to marry her, remember that little chat!? And now I’m just in a really fucking terrible position! I want to be with her…but I’m just really scared. Because I feel like if we can’t work it out now, we’ll never be able to work it out in the long run. I don’t want to let the same person break my heart twice.”

“I just think it’s kind of wrong to give her false hope. If you don’t plan on getting back together with her, maybe you should just say so.”

“Christ,” I sighed. “I don’t know what I plan on doing… I need to go talk to Brooke. She’s the only one that can work this shit out…” I got up from the couch and stretched, trying to get rid of the feeling that I’d been hit by a truck. “By the way, Ash…is it cool if I stay with you for this week? I mean, I don’t want to be a bother—I could always stay with Brooke—But I just think it’d be easier to—”

“Buddy, I told ya you could stay as long as you wanted, and I meant it. What’s better than spending a week with my broken hearted best pal?”

I grinned at him. “Thanks, Ash!” I said, really meaning it. For some reason being called his best friend made me feel all warm and fuzzy in a completely straight way. It seemed like it’d been a long time since anyone but Brooke had legitimately liked me for who I was. I headed toward the door and looked back at him. “I meant that. Thanks. Really.”

I knocked on Brooke’s apartment door and was irritated when Riley, Brooke’s other roommate answered. Riley and I didn’t exactly hit it off, and she had to know Brooke was mad at me. She gave me a dirty look and flipped her long, blond hair.

“Yes?” She asked snottily.

“Brooke home?” I strained to keep my tone friendly.

“What does it matter to you?”

“Riley,” I growled.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” she informed me.

“She tell you that?”

“She doesn’t have to.”

I rolled my eyes. “Lemme in. I need to talk to her.” Riley made no move to grant me entrance. “Brookey!?” I hollered.

“Let him in,” I heard Brooke mumble. “Riley, for Christ’s sake! Just let him inside before he makes a spectacle of us. You know he’ll sit in that hallway and raise hell ‘til he gets his way.”

Riley begrudgingly allowed me to come in. It was tough to resist the urge to kick her in the shin as I entered.

“Bitch,” I muttered under my breath.

“I heard that,” she growled.

“Good! Maybe if you’d mind your own goddamned—”

“Maybe if you weren’t a dick to my friend—”

“Guys!” Brooke snapped. “Quit it! Riley, you should probably leave us alone for a little while, okay? I think we need to talk.”

“Fine. But if he starts getting bitchy—”

“I can handle it,” Brooke said patiently. “Come sit, Jackson.”

I obeyed, still glaring at Riley. Maybe I didn’t always treat Brooke the best, but we were always going to be close. If Riley didn’t like that she could suck my cock. I grimaced internally. The image of the bitter blond on her knees before me turned my already queasy stomach.

“Look,” I began when Riley left the room. “I’m really sorry about what I said. I shouldn’t have—”

“You were right,” she whispered.

“Acted that way…wait…what? Right about what?” I asked carefully.

“Hunter. Cheating on me. You were right. He ‘fessed up last night.”

I frowned, reaching for her hand. She allowed me to take it and I squeezed it tight. “I’m really sorry, baby. I didn’t want to be right…with…Lila?”

“Mmhmm. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with you…”

“It’s okay,” I said softly, but I didn’t feel okay at all. It was one thing that Lila and I were over. It was a whole ‘nother thing that the bitch had cheated on me. Hadn’t mentioned that when she came groveling back to me.

“You’re not okay at all,” she got up and motioned me to follow. We ended up in her bedroom, laying side by side on her bed. She pulled me closer to her, and I allowed her to position me so my head was nestled between her warm breasts.

“Cry,” she ordered.

“…What?!”

“Cry,” she said again, slower. “Ya know. Shed tears?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re devastated. I did most of my bawling last night, and I know that you want to. So do it.”

“I…”

“Shut up, Jack. You loved her. So stop being such a man and let it out. It’s good for ya to do that sometimes, instead of just keeping it bottled up. You’re gonna make yourself even more miserable that way.”

As I thought about Lila underneath Hunter, mewling his name instead of mine, the tears came quickly and unexpectedly. They came in a hard torrent that almost shook my entire body and I sobbed against Brooke’s chest…and she was kind of right. I started to feel better, still devastated, but…lighter. I wasn’t so weighed down by all the terrible emotions that were swirling around inside my head. I cried for a long time, longer than I had in a great while. The release felt damn good, because I knew she wouldn’t judge me. She just rubbed my back and whispered soothingly until the tears subsided and I was left a limp, breathing, lump. She kissed the top of my head and held me closer.

“I love you…I’ll always love you,” she reminded me.

“I love you, too,” I murmured. Sometimes I wished like hell I hadn’t blown things with Brooke. But I’d never allow myself to even think of being with her again. Not after what I’d done to her. I could never stand seeing her with another bruise compliments of my fist ever again.

“You kinda smell like booze,” she said with halfhearted accusation in her tone.

“Got drunk,” I told her. “Real drunk. I couldn’t help it, Brookey.”

She seemed a little disappointed. I hadn’t been truly shitfaced wasted since I’d quit drinking. I was afraid of myself; of what I’d do to someone I loved. Being drunk didn’t do all that much for me anymore, now that I wasn’t out on the prowl, looking for a girl who looked a lot better when I was hammered. I’d woken up next to some ugly ass chicks… and I had booze to blame.

“So what do you think I should do about Delilah?” I asked after a little while.

“Well, what do you want to do about Delilah?” she asked.

“I dunno,” I muttered.

“Yes you do,” she insisted. “Do you want to get back together with her?”

“I…I don’t have a clue what I want, Brookey.”

“You don’t sob over a girl you don’t care about, Jackson. You hardly cry at all… ‘cept lately…because you love her, and this is hard on you. I think you want to be with her…but you’re scared, huh?”

I lowered my eyes and nodded, feeling a little ashamed. I’d never been such a pussy before. God, Delilah sure had me whipped. “Yeah,” I admitted. “Yeah. I’m scared as hell.”

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Ehh. A rather uninspired chapter.

Blame writer's block.

next chapter will be better.

Probably.

Started school today. Fuck life.

Have a good week.