While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.
Leonardo da Vinci

Letter #1: Out in the Open

Dear,

Good friend,

Hi!

Hello,

My friend,

You know what? I just wrote your name in huge letters on the cover of this stupid thing so if you don’t know this is for you, I’m afraid you are slightly retarded and do not deserve that spot on the honor role.

Ok, sorry. Rant over (for now.)

This was actually my mom’s idea. She said I should get some closure and reflect on who I am and my life.

What a load of bullshit.

But she gave me this nice, expensive looking journal. I don’t know why she wastes money like that but I don’t want to say anything that will make her hysterical (again.)

Oh, by the way, did you notice the cover? Yeah, that is a flower and a smiling lady bug. Don’t worry, I almost peed myself with laughter when I saw that too.

(Poor lady bugs—they are only used for their bodies. How degrading.)

I can just see you laughing when you’re reading this. Although I’m not sure you will. I hope you do though.

Ok, let me explain and get back on a more serious note. This is in a way closure, but not like my mom wanted it to be. It’s closure between you and me, not closure between me and my… self? I don’t know.

I’m writing in this because I don’t want to have what we said be our last conversation. Now, knowing that I have no idea what the future holds, it may not be our last conversation. But the fact is the chance that it is indeed the last time we really speak to one another is great and so I had to write this and explain.

See, the truth is you’re my best friends. And that scared (scares) me almost to death. (Pun intentional. Or, well, maybe not.)

I mean, you know that I have plenty of friends. What was it you called them? The Noise of the Lambs? Let me tell you now, because I couldn’t when they were there, that that made me crack up so much when I thought of it later. And I’m pretty sure none of them even got it.

But the difference is that I can do that to my friends. Laugh at them. I know how mean and heartless that sounds, but you know, I am mean and heartless.

Ok, that may be a bad way to put it… If you really are reading this well that means… you know… and the heartless thing won’t really be funny.

Ah! I keep getting so off track. This is so much harder than I thought. I never knew I had so many things to say to you.

So back to my friends. The difference is that although my friends and I hang out and sleep over and laugh together, there is still a huge chunk of close-ness and true friendship bond that my friends and I don’t have. And I can honestly say that that is my fault. And I can honestly be proud of that.

But then you came along. I don’t even know how we became friends. Your friends were friends with my kind-of friends. And you and me. Well we were just alike (I think. I don’t know.) All I know is you got me more than any of my kind-of friends did.

And well, somehow you became my best friend.

So I guess that’s the real point of this letter.

The truth is I have something to confess. And, yeah, it’s kind-of a big deal.

Why did I do this? Well I had to tell you.

I’m dying.

And that’s why I couldn’t let our last conversation be our last conversation.

Did you know that the only organ Egyptians left in their mummies were their hearts? They sucked out people’s brains because they thought that the brain was just a bunch of useless mush. They thought your heart was the center of you.

I wonder how many of them had Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy.

Hello! Yeah, Faded is on hiatus right now. This story will be updated often because it's already written. Yes, the chapters are a bit short but there will frequent updates, as I said. (There are 17 chapters.)

Please read and review :)