If anyone were to ask me, I would be able to clearly recollect the events that took place that Tuesday evening, but as usual no one questions me of anything because I’m just a simple potted palm tree; I don’t move or speak and I supposedly know nothing of my surroundings. If only they knew just how much knowledge I had of my surroundings. Oh, the scandalous slander I’ve heard and atrocious acts I’ve seen! But, I digress. Since I’m just standing in the corner of this majestic sitting room, I might as well indulge your curiosity and tell you the tale of that Tuesday evening.

Tuesday the twelfth was like any ordinary stormy Tuesday: cloudy and humid with window-rattling crashes of thunder and picturesque streaks of lightning. The four people who now sat in the sitting room wore black; they had, after all, just come from the funeral of the former owner of this expansive beach house, Reginald. He had died mysteriously in this very room days previously and no one, aside from I, knew who did it…but no one asked me and I couldn’t tell them anyway since I was not gifted with a mouth. Though, since you’re being so kind and listening to my tale, I’ll tell you know that the killer was sitting in the room right then, plotting the murders of the others while pretending to mourn the loss of Reginald.

“That was horrible, what happened to Reggie,” said a sobbing woman near the fire place. I would have laughed if I could. “Horrible”? What she meant was that it was horrible he hadn’t left her more money in his will; as it was, she barely got by on a teacher’s salary which usually ended up short due to her love for archery, guns, and fast cars, all of which were expensive hobbies that had put her in debt up to her well-groomed eyebrows.

“You know, Catherine, he wanted you to have his fortune, but due to years of squandering funds, he was quite penniless when he died,” said the attorney. “Squandering funds” meant that Reginald had entrusted his funds to his attorney who had three years previous to their meeting had spent eight years in prison on an embezzlement charge. I came by this information when he was doing paperwork in here and received a call from his parole officer.

“Alexander, I heard that he kept part of that fortune hidden within these very walls, so that in the event that someone was stealing money from him, he’d be able to have something to fall back on,” a young lady of eighteen added, narrowing her eyes at the attorney. She, of course, knew that Reginald had kept part of his fortune in the walls—as well as other places around the house—because she had seen him put it there. He hadn’t known she’d seen him, of course; all he’d seen was a small, brown bat in the corner near me. He didn’t even know that the young aristocrat who was his goddaughter, Selene, was actually a vampire from the famed Delacroix family of vampires; they’re like the vampire mafia…very, very deadly.

“You know, Lady Selene,” a young man stretched out on the couch growled, “it sounds like you’re accusing dear ol’ Alex of embezzlin’ money from Reggie.” The man on the couch, of course, had his reason for being happy to be rid of Reginald; his reason was that he was a card-shark and he didn’t have the money he needed to pay of his debt that he owed to Reginald. In all my days sitting in the corner of this room, I had never heard Reginald shouting more or seen him angrier when the man had asked for a few more days to get the money.

“I’m sorry if I took that tone, Ian, but you all have your reasons for wanting my godfather; all of you could have easily killed him and now could be planning to murder the rest of us.”

I smiled inwardly since I had no lips to show my smile; if I had lips, though, that would look funny, wouldn’t it? A palm tree smiling. I smiled because she had just planted a small seed of mistrust amongst them. That is the Delacroix way, I’m afraid: cause discord amongst your enemies. Of course, the technique had also been used by the Delacroix on their own kind so, perhaps, they couldn’t stop themselves from spreading discord and mistrust wherever they go.

“Are you suggesting that one of us killed Reggie?” Catherine shrieked as she jumped to her feet, glaring daggers at Selene; the attempt to get her to retract that statement would have been more effective if her eyes weren’t red and puffy from crying.

“Yes,” Selene stated rather coldly, “that is exactly what I’m suggesting. The only question now is who amongst us killed him.”

They all glanced at each other; anyone could tell they were trying to figure out who had more of a motive to kill Reginald. Finally, Ian spoke up, “I think it was Catherine; everyone knew she was after the money she thought he left her in his will.”

“I would never kill him! If it was anyone, it would have to be you! You owed him money, didn’t you?!” I was shocked; I hadn’t known that she knew about the money. Someone once said ‘sometimes people surprise you’ and now Catherine had proven that statement by surprising me.

“What about Alexander?” whispered Selene from her place by the window. “He was embezzling and it would have been very bad if my godfather ever got around to telling the police.”

Ian and Catherine turned to Alexander, who glared at Selene; she only saw his glare in the reflection of the window. If the others hadn’t have been so busy arguing amongst themselves, they would have noticed that Selene did not have a reflection in the window like they did.

“I may have been embezzling, but I didn’t need to kill him to keep him from going to the authorities, unlike you two.”

“I wasn’t even here the night he was murdered!” Catherine shouted causing Selene’s eyes to widen in surprise. Once again, Catherine had surprised me by stating the most obvious statement: she couldn’t have done it because she hadn’t been there. Ian and Alexander slowly realized that they hadn’t been there either which meant they couldn’t have done it. Slowly, they turned to look at Selene who had not taken her gaze away from the window.

Finally, she turned to face them and she began sobbing hysterically. “I didn’t know what else to do! He was going to kill Ian; I had to stop him!”

Ian walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Why would you do that for me?”

“Because,” she said looking up at him with her innocent eyes, “I love you, Ian, and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you.”

I have never in my life heard such a more skilled actress than Selene; if she actually loved Ian, I would grow a mouth and legs and tap dance while singing “O Susannah”. Surely, she was lying…she hated Ian almost as much as he hated Reginald.

Alexander called the authorities in between Selene’s confession of murder for the sake of love and Ian’s confession of always loving her, no matter what she did; quite frankly, I wanted to throw up: these two were being so lovey-dovey, it was sickening. Catherine answered the door when the officer arrived; I would have loved to answer it, just to be away from Ian and Selene kissing each other and confessing their undying love for each other.

When the officer walked in, he glanced at Selene before pulling out his gun and shooting Catherine and Alexander; he then leaned against the wall and threw the gun into the fireplace. To be honest, I was shocked he hadn’t shot Ian as well.

“Looks like I have to clean up another mess of yours, baby sister,” his voice was a waspish hiss when he spoke. “I take it you intend to keep him alive for reasons I don’t desire to know?”

“Actually, Spencer,” Selene said, grabbing hold of Ian’s hand, “we plan on being married in three months.”

“Congratulations,” he muttered sarcastically. “Just don’t invite me or get yourselves into any more trouble, understand?”

“Fine; we’ll stay out of trouble just to please you.” She then kissed Ian causing Spencer to make a disgusted gagging noise.

“If you two lovebirds don’t want to get arrested, I suggest we leave now,” he said, slightly agitated as he hurried them out the door and off into the night.

That, my dear friend, is the tale of Tuesday night and of how an aristocratic vampire, her fiancé, and her brother murdered one man for money and two other people just because they were there. From what I hear, Selene and Ian are married (it seems she did love him, after all) and currently in Paris being protected by the Delacroix family and Selene’s brother, Spencer, is in Hawaii, trying to avoid getting involved in his sister’s problems.