The Girl I Thought I Could Be

This hurt. I have had a lot of hurt in my life time, like the time I was shot at point blank range with a paintball gun to the stomach, or the time I fell off my bike and needed seventeen stitches to sew up my leg, or even the time I was hit by a truck, walking home from school. I was used to all of the name calling, all the rumors and all of the viciousness associated with high school.

I am no stranger to pain, but this sincerely hurt.

Three sunrises, three sunsets and one phone call passed. I was starting to question the world. I did have friends in school, and all of them knew my number, because before this they would text me all night long. I rolled over and stared at the clock, knowing full well what I needed to do before leaving.

4:49

My parents died when I was thirteen. It was on my thirteenth birthday, which landed on Friday the thirteenth. I had always hated that number and since then the distain I felt towards it was a bitter loathing. I never associated myself with that number, skipping it on homework, tests, even job applications. Every test of thirteen questions or if I did question number thirteen I would fail. I would skip page 13 in my books because that page always seemed to tear or give me a paper cut. My math teacher was the one who discovered this abnormality and it was him that forced me to see the school counselor until I did my homework of thirteen questions. Needless to say I failed the class.
When it came to boyfriends, number thirteen didn’t last a day, because I quickly ended it with him before he too was harmed. If there is a t-shirt or purse I want and it costs thirteen dollars (even if the tax added it causes it to be 14 dollars) I refuse to buy it. Thirteen had ruled my life until now, until that boy had to come along and ruin it all for me.

4:57

Strawberries, how did he know that was my weakness? Did he take a stab in the dark or did someone tell him? Grandmother had strawberry bushes, and that drink tasted so much like those berries, taking me straight back to the bush. Back to childhood and swing sets and then time flew, and next thing I knew it was 1:13. 13:13 in Military time.
He was in the Navy.

5:23

Brown or Black, Maybe multi-colored, I’ve always wanted to be someone else.
I have been living with my Aunt for five years now. Five years of nine-o-clock curfews, big Sunday dinners and sports parties for my Uncle, five years of ‘College Comes First’ lectures and ‘Healthy Lifestyle’ eating from her latest magazines and cookbooks. I didn’t really get to be a typical kid.
But now I only have one year of high school left.

5:47

That’s it. I am getting up and going to the store already. Maybe someplace will be open regardless of the time. I have to fix this problem. I have to fix myself.