(-5-)

Her fingers tangled in my hair, playing with the corkscrew curls that she said were just as stubburn as my Mexican background. I watched the easy fascination in her brown eyes while she watched the process, the curls unfurling with the ease of her gentle tug and coiling again in precisely the shape it had been in the instant she let it go. A tiny smile played about those full violet lips, small and so dreamy that she couldn't have been aware of it.

"You purr in your sleep," she whispered, the volume barely rising above the crickets' symphony that drifted through the porch's screens. "Like a kitten."

"Like a lion, you mean."

The tiny smile twitched. "No," she said. "Like a defenseless little kitten with poofy black fur and a smooshed face." Saying this, her hand moved from my hair. The tip of her right pointer touched my nose. Her gaze followed the fingertip. Our eyes met, mine crossed. "So small that he trips when he runs but just big enough that he can run at all."

"Well there goes my manliness," I said.

"Are you going to get married someday?"

The abruptness of the change in subject left me stumbling for a response. "Yes?" I questioned. "No? Maybe? I don't know. Would you marry me?"

Watching my face thoughtfully, she said, "No." The matter-of-fact tone only made it cut deeper.

"Why not?"

She stopped poking my nose. She slid off me, removing her hips from mine, rolling onto her back on the floor beside me. Lifting the hand prevously poking my nose, she raised it above her head and stared at it. Then she flipped it, studying the dusky gold skin made pale by the moonlight.

Lingering on the view of her pale palm, she lifted her other hand to trace the outline of the first.

"Jay," I murmured, rolling onto my side. I was close enough to feel her body heat, yet we didn't touch. "Why not?"

She listlessly turned her head to look at me. I was startled by the sudden blue of those previously brown eyes, set in that pale moonlit face I had spent forever memorizing.

Katrina stared back at me. The sound of crickets became the white noise of traffic several floors below us. The screened-in porch of Julia's cabin became my unadorned bedroom in my apartment.

"Who's Jay?" Katrina asked, her expression bordering on anger.

I was still busy trying to figure out where Julia went. Had she ever been here? Had I ever been there? Was it Katrina I'd been having that conversation with?

"A girl," I said sleepily, closing my eyes. I rolled onto my back, covering my eyes with my hand. And then, "An ex. Sort of."

"Sort of?" Katrina echoed, trying and failing to keep the jealousy out of her voice. "Who is she? And when did you ever have a 'sort of' girlfriend named Jay?"

Too late, I realized what I had revealed.

I rolled onto my opposite side, further away from Katrina. She gripped my bicep, stopping me from rolling right off the bed and crawling into a deep dark hole somewhere.

"Wesley," she said.

For a split-second, she sounded like Julia. Calm and frigid Julia Jubei.

"Wes," she said again, shaking my upper arm. The illusion broke. "You can't say shit like that and then just, like, clam-up. Who is she? Are you seeing somebody else? Because I am not becoming a fuck-buddy, asshole!"

"It was a long time ago," I muttered. "We don't talk anymore." Minus that one time two weeks ago that only lasted five minutes.

Katrina took her hand away. I could sense her scowl.

"Not that long," she snarled softly, voice deceoptively empty, "if you're still dreaming about her."

"Four years and six months, three weeks, two days."

She was quiet a while, trying to figure out how to spin that against me.

Eventually she lay down again.

Some time passed. I wasn't sure how long, since my alarm clock was on the floor on Katrina's side of the bed.

At last, as I began to drift off again, I heard Katrina murmur, "I had a boyfriend in high school who cheated on me. We dated for a year. Turns out he had been seeing several other girls behind my back most of the time. Or maybe the entire time, I don't know." She paused. Then, softer still, she said, "This sounds cheesy, but I trust you, Wes. Okay? I know I can be a crazy jealous bitch sometimes, but I do trust you. More than I've trusted anyone in a long time."

The bed shifted as she rolled over, facing away from me. But her bare back pressed against mine, sticky with old sweat, smelling faintly of sex.

I closed my eyes, trying not to let her words sink in. They did, though. They sank right down to my core and embedded in the marrow.

I trust you, Wes. More than anyone.

Well, shit.

-x-

At some point, the two-week breakup between Katrina and I was forgiven and forgotten. We began to hang out again like it never happened. She slept over almost every night, spent the evening at my house doing homework while I was at work. I visited her at work almost every morning just past eleven.

But I still avoided answering the phone when anyone called other than Katrina, especially Charlie.

Big Adventures aside, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face Julia right now. I could be happy with my girlfriend. I could live in denial the way I had been doing since she got out of my car four years and six months ago, walking into the cabin without even glancing back. I had gotten over the heartache before. I could do it again.

Except the more time Katrina and I spent together, the more I felt myself shrinking away.

We talked less. We spent all our free time at one another's home or visiting each other's work, but there wasn't much verbal exchange. We kissed, hugged, touched, had foreplay, had sex, but there was no silly flirty arguments anymore. No flirting in general. We hadn't gone out for a real date, a dinner-and-a-movie thing, since before the pseudo-breakup.

And at one point a week and a half after Katrina and I started officially dating again, two days after the two weeks we had been apart, I heard Julia's voice in my head, whispering, "This is an anti-relationship. We are what every relationship fears becoming." It acted as a mantra, repeating whenever Katrina and I touched.

I was over at the Ashton residence, watching television while Katrina sprawled on the floor, kicking her toned legs through the air and biting the eraser of her mechanical pencil as she considered the textbook on the floor in front of her. I watched TV here whenever I got the chance, whenever we both had a day of work off together and Katrina had college course work to do. They had cable. I didn't.

Her little sister, Susannah, sat at the other end of the couch. Sometimes she watched the television, but mostly she studied me.

At seventeen, going on eighteen in a couple months, Susannah was all plains and angles. She was Katrina's opposite appearance-wise. Just as beautiful, but in a darker and classical way where Katrina was modernly bright. Where Katrina was pale and her blond hair straightened to her shoulders, Susannah had an olive skin tone, dark brown hair in natural ringlets to mid-spine. They both had blue eyes, but Susannah had a few rings of gray to hers. They were the exact same height, taller than average for any woman. But where Katrina was toned yet shapely, Susannah was simply thin.

The cloudy sky eyes turned to stare at me whenever she thought I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't begin to guess what she found so fascinating that she had to keep looking back. A few times already I'd asked if there was something on my face.

At which point she would answer unblushingly, "Nope." And continue to stare until I had to look away.

Finally I left for work at six-thirty. Katrina walked me to my car, slipped her arms around my middle and pecked me on the lips.

"Why does Suzie do that," I asked, "The staring?"

Katrina rolled her eyes before saying in that strange tone she always used when referring to her older sister, "Because Liz does the same thing, and Suzie does whatever Liz does. That's probably why Elizabeth became a therapist with the way she's always analyzing people. I'm not gonna be surprised when Suzie ends up going to school for a degree in Psych." She paused before adding, "I guess it's kind of sad. If Suze had taken after me, she'd be the totally perfect bombshell of her senior class. Everyone would want to be her, date her. She would be totally popular. But instead, she's just like Liz. Like she has the social plague or something."

I smiled vaguely, but wasn't really listening.

Instead I studied Katrina the way Susannah had been studying me all night. Only I had a purpose.

I was just trying to feel something, anything, the way I used to feel about her. I had missed her when we were apart. The feelings were there, underneath the sufrace. They had to be. I simply had to dig for them.

But that wasn't right. I shouldn't have to dig down deep to feel something for my girlfriend.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"Nothing," I answered honestly, sadly.

Katrina smiled, briefly kissing my mouth again. When she pulled away a second later, she said, "I love you."

My heart jumped. Not in a good way. In the way it does while watching a horror movie and the killer's head abruptly appears outside the window. You knew it was coming, but there's still that start of panic when you hear the protagonist's ear-piercing scream.

"You too," I lied, smiling.

I slipped away, got in my car and drove away without looking back.

It was going to have to end between us. Maybe not tonight. Eventually, though, I was going to have to say something. It wasn't fair to Katrina to lead her on like this, like I still felt anything for her.

When the truth was that I didn't. I kept trying only to fail.

For some reason, I wasn't surprised to see Charlie waiting for me when I walked into Martini Blu at six minutes to seven. She had a glare ready. I pretended not to notice her, but that gave me away more than glancing her way and then looking everywhere except at her would have. It was hard to miss someone dressed in a tight red tunic shirt with canary yellow leggings, whose usually jet black hair, as curly as mine, was suddenly straightened out and dyed bright orange with a few platinum streaks. She wore red rain boots that matched her dress, which the yellow leggings tucked into.

I walked past her, about four feet in front of her. She caught up to me instantly, fell into step beside me. I walked faster.

"You've got some nerve," Charlie snarled, keeping pace easily, "ditching me."

"That outfit's got some nerve," I replied coolly. "Dante called. He wants his Inferno back."

"Did you think of that one all by yourself, Asswipe?"

I smirked as I finally slid my sister a look. "It's not like you didn't set yourself up for it," I shot back.

The glare remained in her eyes, her face pinched with tension. Everything about her, from that outfit right up to that expression, screamed rage.

"You didn't call me back," she snapped. "You haven't answered any of my calls all week. You promised, Wesley!"

"No," I cut in. "I said we could continue the Big Adventure. I never said when. I never promised."

"But you still said we could, and then ditched me, Wes! That's worse than a lie! That's, like, something Dad would do!"

I scowled, murmuring, "I'm not Dad, CJ."

"Then don't act like it! You're such an asshole, Wes. Such a stupid, selfish asshole. I can barely get over what an asshole you are. I'm so mad, I want to keep bitching you out, but at the same time I don't want to be anywhere near you. What if this asshole-ish-ness rubs off? What if this condition of total lack in intelligence is contagious?"

I stopped walking before we reached the bar. Charlie stopped one step ahead of me, turning with her hands on her hips.

"Okay, CJ," I sighed. "I get it. I'm the shittiest of shit. Is that all you came here to say?"

"No," Charlie snapped.

I waited.

Grant appeared behind her as if he had always been there, like a mirage at first. Except I had caught the movement out the corner of my eye as he stood from a cushy stool by one of the nearby sushi bars and came toward us.

Every particle of my being screamed to run at that moment. There was nothing in Grant's body language that suggested aggression. There was no reason I should be afraid. But when he abruptly sprouted behind Charlie, plain as day, I had to fight the urge to teleport onto another continent. Not that I could teleport, but seeing him made me want to do the impossible.

"Hey, Buddy," he said easily. There was a look in his eyes that suggested he could read my mind. "Long time, no see."

"What's up, Grant," I muttered, averting my gaze.

"Nothing much," he said. "Charlie called me. Told me to meet her here. Says we should all sit down and talk."

I was shaking my head before he finished speaking.

"Listen, I have to clock in, like, now. So you guys can stay and eat or drink or whatever, but I'm out. Peace."

Pushing past Grant, between he and Charlie, they let me get away. I made it to the kitchen, slid my employee card through the alotted slot, and then headed out to the bar to relieve the earlier bartender.

At the other end of my counter sat Grant and Charlie. They chatted amiably.

I managed to avoid them for a half hour, until Charlie drank the rest of her soda and stood up to shake her glass at me.

"Excuse me," she called. "Bartender? I'd like another."

I would have kept ignoring her, but the manager lingered too close for comfort, eyeing me. Even if they were just friends or family visiting me here at work, if they were paying then they were considered customers. And customers were always to be treated like royalty.

Eventually I sidled down the bar with a new glass of Diet Coke. I set it in front of Charlie and tried to dodge back to the other end of the bar.

Grant stopped me with a word, "Julia wants to see you."

I looked at him, her name like a white hot poker against my skin.

"All the sudden," I said, but had to clear my throat because my voice cracked. "All the sudden, she says it's okay? I can see her?"

He continued with no inflection to his voice, "It's not all that sudden. It's been over three weeks, Wes. She's had a lot of time to consider your phone call from last month. Jay said that if you really want to, she'll give you a call to set up a time and place where you can meet."

"No," I said, startling myself. I didn't even know I was going to say it until it burst out. Same with the rest that came pouring out of my mouth, "If she just wants child support or something, fine. She can get a lawyer to set it up. Or whatever else she wants. A fuck-buddy like old times. Whatever. I'm not into that anymore. I'm back with Katrina. We're happy."

We are what every relationship fears becoming.

This time there was anger in Grant's voice as he spat, "Wes, you're my friend. My best friend. I'll do anything for you. I'd happily step in front of a bullet for you. But don't make me kick your ass."

I stared at him, having no doubt that he could do it if he felt like it. I was bigger. My Middle American heritage mixed with African genes made me taller and somewhat thicker. But Grant had taken several forms of martial arts throughout our childhood. It wasn't just that he was half-Korean, but that his dad made his fortune running a chain of martial arts schools.

"I'm not saying that Jay-Jay has changed," Grant said. "But she isn't the girl who used to jump your bones just for the hell of it. She doesn't jump at the chance to cause trouble anymore. Maybe without the girls, she still would. But when she's around Healiya and Kyllo, they are her whole world. You hurt them, you hurt her. Irreparably. And you know how hard it was to hurt Jay before. It's much easier now. She knows it. We all know it. And now you know it, too." He stood up, throwing a twenty down on the counter. His final look was one of mild contempt. "And the last thing a Jubei needs is financial support from anyone. You want to be pathetic, Wes, that's fine. But think of some better excuses first."

It was a fantastic exit line, if I chose to look at it that way, which I didn't. Before I could think of something to say, to have the last word, Grant left.

Charlie popped some beer nuts in her mouth. She threw a handful in the air at a time and caught an average of one per every five tosses. She had been doing this throughout my friend's little speech.

"So," she said, turning her attention from this little sport to me. "When should we go see them?"

"We?"

"Do I have to burst into tears and start blubbering at you again to get my point across, or will the threat of driving your car off the highway if you don't take me with you suffice?" To reinstate the point, she lifted her right hand, my car keys jangling from it. I didn't know when she had picked my pocket or how I hadn't noticed, but obviously I wasn't going to ask.

"Okay," I said. "I'll call Jay-Jay."

"Tonight? On your break?"

"She'll probably be asleep by then. And I wouldn't want to wake up her... the girls."

Charlie conceded, sending me a pitying look before she stood.

"I'm gonna head out," she said, leaning over the counter to kiss my cheek. "I love you, Bro." She put her hands on either side of my face, turning my head so that our eyes were level. We were about the same height, so it worked. The look in her gray eyes was vulnerable. "Promise you'll bring me with? Please?"

What every relationship fears--

"Yeah," I muttered, averting my gaze. "I promise."

-

Soulbird's note: This was supposed to be posted yesterday (or was it Wednesday?) since my wonderful party of reviewers immediately exceeded my 5-review update promise, but I didn't get a chance to finish transcribing it from my notebook to word processor in time. But here it is! For new readers, hello! Thanks for reading! If you want me to continue, please leave a review. For my darling reviewers--

Review Responses

(cue dance party music)

Pundit: This story was always intended to be pretty meandering, and Jay-Jay was always kind of a secondary character. I wanted to focus on the relationship between Wesley and the twins, and how he's struggling with what to do about his relationship with Katrina, and how he has to come-to-terms with finally growing up. I'll explain more in-depth once the story is over, if you like; I don't want to give too much away :) Thanks so much for reviewing! WELCOME to the party!

Twinkle Star Bell: I do that all the time, lol, ignoring my Story Alerts. But it's always a nice surprise when I forget that one of my favorite stories has been updated, and I finally get a chance to read it, and I find like 3 new chapters waiting. So I know exactly what you mean. And aww, thank you for the lovely compliments and votes of confidence! I'm glad everything seems pretty real to you in the story. It's tough for me not to dive right into some confrontational drama, considering that's my specialty, lol. Thanks for reviewing! Also, WELCOME to the party! Very glad you could make it. Nice to see you again!

Coracao Selvagem: lol, "Wild banshee cry of no-ness" is a good way to put it, though. I know. I know. Nobody likes Kat. But the truth is, I like her. I have no idea why. She's not a very nice person, not even deep down, not in the imaginary profile of her I've made up in my head. But I guess I've always been somewhat attracted to bullies. I like making friends with enemies. And I suppose that that trait of mine carried into Wesley's personality. lol, But I'm honored that you feel so strongly about any of my characters that you would cry in a banshee-like manner ;-p Thanks for continuing to give me great feedback! I'm going to keep trying to be your beta. I was really stressed out when I wrote that email, but I've chilled now and I really think I can do it. I like to challenge myself. That is, if you'll still have me (cue cute puppy-dog eyes). Who sings the song? I'm afraid I haven't heard it.

Nova Light: It's only my volunteer work. I started doing it for community service hours after one too many, erm, drunken brawls, shall I put it? That was back in my "bad days" though. Now I'm "good." But I liked it so much that I keep showing up even though I fulfilled all my hours two years ago. I'm actually a bartender. Yes, like Wes. I meant to make him a sushi chef, and actually he was supposed to be half-Asian/half-Italian instead of half-Mexican and half-African American... but somehow that all changed. Not sure how. You're good at science?! Want to tutor me?! I have human anatomy and chemistry. It's not that I don't get it, it's just that I'd rather be writing stories than studying, lol. And by 'tutoring' I meant doing all the work, lol. So I was kidding. Anywho, THANK YOU for continuing to show some love! Well, props. Opinions. Feedback. Showering me with pretty compliments. Thanks ;-)

Poetess111: I was shocked when I wrote the last part of that chapter. Kat being all vulnerable and sweet, even I didn't see it coming until I saw it on paper. But thank you for noticing. She's grown on me a bit as well ;-) Thanks for the lovely compliments! You're the reason for all these lightning-fast updates, so don't forget to give yourself some credit too! And you seem like a hard person to impress, so I'm very flattered! I meant to reply to your PM, have I yet? (see what I mean about why I respond to everyone via these Review Responses? My memory sucks, lol). And thanks overall for continuing to share your opinion. I do appreciate the encouragement.

eshiraniku.: Interesting penname. WELCOME to the reviewers' party! Glad you could make it! And I would mainly avoid poking Kat, if I were you. She's a tad volatile :-p And the twins will have their spotlight... eventually. But I'm glad you love them. And I'm so happy I could make this so real for you! Thank you SO so much!

Its.Not.Me.Its.You.: Hi! I remember you, too! Glad you're liking it, and extra happy you could make it. WELCOME to this review party! Hope you continue to enjoy :) Thank you for sharing your opinions!

yv: I have no idea how "Accidentally" became so popular. I wrote it as "just another story" but then, out of nowhere, it gets nominated for SKoW's "best chemistry" couple and all these reviews came flooding in. I had no idea that many people were even on FictionPress, lol. But thank you so much!! I'm honored to hear you've read both ("Accidentally" and this one) stories! And yes, I do wonder what it would be like to have a child with a disability. I volunteer at a daycare on Wednesdays and work with a handful of disabled kids, and I admire them so much. That's how Healiya's condition came about. Thank you for noticing that, and for saying so. And thank you for the review! If I haven't said this yet, WELCOME to the party!

Jenn: Before I posted that chapter, I was going to post a poll asking who Wes should end up with. I think I know your vote, lol. But thank you for sharing your opinion. It does influence some of my writing. For the better, I hope. I hope you're enjoying! Thanks for reviewing!

Lady Macbeth's Murderer: Why thank you. All those compliments made me blush. Seriously. I'm so glad you think most of the characters seem so real! I'm trying my best here. This is the one story I'm actually considering for publication. But I'm not sure if it belongs in the Yonug Adult Romance section, since everyone is slightly older. But it definitely doesn't belong in Romance Romance, does it? And I don't think it's quality Literature & Fiction, where all the Classics are... Well, I'll just have to puzzle over that. I'm rambling. Anyway, THANKS again for reviewing!

Joanna: Same here! I was at BarnesAndNoble across the mallway from my 2nd job and saw it and have been being very good lately about not spending my entire paycheck at that particular store. I put it off for a week, and then two weeks, and then I finally broke down this week and splurged. I should have waited for it to come out as a paperback, but I'm happy. I've only gotten a chance to read up to Chapter 4, though. If you do feel like teasing yourself, though (and here's the part that made me break the bank), on they give you a preview of the 1st chapter. Anyway, won't give anything away. And lol about all the nicknames! I have boy-sounding nicknames. One of the downsides to being Nicola. But speaking of funny pronunciations, it's quite fun to say with a French accent, although it's an Italian name. I don't know how I got stuck with Nicola Elisa, though, when my sisters are your average "Jesse" and "Alice." Wow, I'm way off-topic now. Anywho, THANKS again for reviewing! Sharing your opinion with me like this means so much. Thank you!

Kjersti: lol, Thank you very much. I am too cute for coffee, if I may say so myself. I prefer smoothies, lol. You may have mentioned liking Charlie, but thank you! I love to hear it. Charlie didn't originally appear in this chapter, it was supposed to just be Grant waiting for him, but I put a bit of her in here just for you ;-p Glad you're enjoying! Thanks so much for the constant encouragement! Take care 'til next time!

--...fingers cramping... carpel-tunnel setting in... XP--