|English Paper: How We Survived Public Education
Author: Qzie PM
There are three rules to surviving the public school system. One: Don't fall for your best friend. Two: Know how to effectively use blackmail. Three: Never trust your math teacher. --Book One of Four--Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 29,317 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 10-17-09 - Published: 06-09-08 - id: 2529442
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This Means War!
When Emerald woke up the next morning, she felt as if something important was going to happen. Something big. Something dramatic. Something that would no doubt entertain the others. And this made her happy all day long.
"Emerald… why are you… smiling?" asked Copo apprehensively, staying a fair distance away from the green-eyed girl.
Emerald leaned back against the bench and cracked her knuckles together. "Oh dear, stupid Copo," she said, "Something wonderful is going to happen today."
"…You're not gonna hurt me again, are you?"
Emerald shook her head. "Not you." Her smile got bigger and turned into a smirk very quickly.
As Jerry ran over to Hydro to deliver him his daily coffee, newspaper, and updates on the playground, Emerald saw it. Or him, to be exact.
She sat up alert as she saw Pyro start to walk in her direction. Crap, she thought, trying to calm down, but so far, it was in vain. She felt a little panicked and she didn't like it- not one bit.
She could go right and head over to the swing set and talk to Q, who was swinging with Bobert and practically talking his ear off (he looked a little miserable). But then, this whole situation would probably amuse Q and Bobert greatly and then someone would have to die…. She looked at Pyro again and saw that he was closing in on her.
Or she could go left to the merry-go-round and hang out with Radar, Blondie, and "K." No, they too would laugh.
"Is it wrong to watch Emerald being tormented?" "K" asked Radar as they saw Emerald frantically looking for a place to hide like a trapped rabbit.
Blondie looked between "K", Radar, and Emerald, who was now attempting to ignore Pyro, who was getting just a little annoyed, and then, for good measure, back at Q and Bobert, who looked like they were engaged in a swing-and-jump contest… oh, yep, there they went flying through the air… Bobert landed in the tree…
"Dear God!" cried "K" with something like shock and horror at what fate had befallen Bobert.
Radar cleared her throat. "Anyways, you were saying…?"
"K" and Blondie blinked back into their conversation and "K" asked again, "Do you think it's wrong to watch Emerald being tormented?"
Radar's eyebrows shot up and she answered dryly, "Now, 'K', think about what you just said." She paused for effect and held out her hands like a scale. "First we have the right thing to do, which is to save Emerald, and then… our amusement."
"K" and Blondie pondered this. Blondie stroked her chin as if she had a beard and agreed, "This is true…"
"You can't ignore me forever, y'know." Pyro was thoroughly irritated because Emerald refused to listen to a single word he said, like she was pretending he wasn't there.
Emerald looked to the left at Radar, "K", and Blondie, then make quick eye contact with Pyro, but then she quickly looked at Q, who stopped swinging at Bobert, who was staring at Emerald almost expectantly. Q said something to Bobert, who nodded, not taking his eyes off of the situation.
Crap… craaaaap… must escape!
"Emerald! Are you listening?!" snapped Pyro in frustration.
That's it! Q will save me! Less distance… she thought as she stood up and tried to dart over to Q. But Pyro grabbed Emerald by the arm, twirled her around, and got too close to her for comfort.
"…This is getting good!" said "K" who was trying her very best not to laugh along with the other girls.
"How much do you wanna bet that he's gonna kiss her?" Radar asked the other girls, a sly smile on her face.
"Five bucks," answered Blondie as they continued to watch the captivating scene before them.
Q and "K" exchanged a look and chorused, "No bet."
There was a long, semi-awkward silence. Emerald didn't dare look Pyro in the eyes; her own green ones were fixated on the ground.
"Green-eyes." That single name made Emerald look up in shock. Pyro hadn't called her that since seventh grade. Pyro didn't say anything for a moment, and his grasp on Emerald didn't seem to weaken.
And then, something happened. Something wonderful and horrible all at once.
The girls gasped. "HE KISSED HER!" squealed Q with jubilation. At first Emerald was in shock, and then she closed her eyes kissed back.
"...is she…?" asked Bobert as he stood there, stunned by what was happening.
"OK... now Bobert..." said Hydro as he turned around, and looked at Bobert who had his jaw dropped and looked like a mindless zombie. "What?"
Q pointed silently over at the scene, and Hydro slowly turned around.
And then he saw.
"Man… if this wasn't a set-up, then I would be really mad," he murmured to himself. He could help but feel that this should be used for blackmail somehow.…
(And now it's time for girly moments with Pyro, the part of the story where Pyro becomes very girly.) Meanwhile, Pyro had completely forgotten about his relationship with Turquoise. He even forgot that he and Emerald were kissing in broad daylight for anyone to see. As clichéd as it sounded, he had forgotten about everything except for Emerald.
Then it all snapped into place.
At the same time, they both opened their eyes, and when they saw each other, Emerald jumped backwards, and was a new shade of red. "I… ohhh… ummm…" she stuttered, then ran for the hills. And I do mean the hills, since they were behind Pyro, and in the middle of the playground.
Pyro watched her push through several sixth and seventh graders in her attempt to get as far away from Pyro as possible. But he couldn't help but smile.
"What do you want, Q?" asked Emerald as she was trying to eat...whatever the food was. You could never be sure with the cafeteria ladies.
"The question isn't what I want..." Q paused and a dark smile fell on her face (it was a little odd). "But what do YOU want." She inwardly laughed evilly.
Emerald looked up from her food and looked at Q. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Q's smile grew. "We saw what you did."
"Um..." Emerald thought quickly, trying to find some way to evade the question. "You mean watching Bobert catapult himself into a tree?" Even if she was distracted at the time, that was really hard to miss.
Q scowled and crossed her arms. "Noo..." She paused. "You and Pyro closer than you've been all year. And don't pretend you don't know EXACTLY what I mean, Emerald."
"Fine. I will not pretend that I don't know what you mean, since I honestly don't know what you mean."
"LIAR!" hissed Q angrily. She hated when Emerald tried to get out of these situations.
Emerald raised an eyebrow. "You're animated today," she noted, trying to change the subject.
And it worked. "Yeah, well, I have my moments." Q shrugged and turned to her lunch.
Emerald thought she was off the hook, but then, horror of horrors, Hydro sat down next to her and whispered, "So you've been cheating on me, huh?" He sounded like he was about to laugh.
"What do you mean… sweetie?" she turned on him, agitated that she couldn't finish her meal, like that was a bad thing.
"I'm referring to the way you and Pyro were on each other like the Titanic to the iceberg." Now he WAS laughing. How infuriating.
"Last I checked, neither of us died when we…" She caught herself and stabbed her spork into the great mass of "food."
Hydro smirked darkly. "Collided?"
Oh, no he didn't…
"You know what?" said Emerald as she started to turn red with anger and embarrassment. "I think we should break up 'cause this whole 'taking over the middle school plan' is not working out." She stood up with her tray, and started to walk towards the door.
Q looked between Hydro and the retreating Emerald, frowning in confusion. "I thought this was only about getting Pyro and Radar jealous," she said.
"Yeah, well, that was just a bonus," sighed Hydro. He had gotten so close.…
Then it finally hit him.
He finally knew how to take over the middle school.
"Q… I need to ask you a very important question," he asked, as he sat down next to Q, who was eating what looked like spaghetti.
"I need you to get information on Emerald, and…" He looked over to Pyro and Turquoise and said dryly, "the lovebirds over there."
Q nodded thoughtfully and noted, "That's a little underhanded, you know."
"Yeah? Do you expect anything else from me?"
"Nope... but what do I get for this?" she asked as her stomach rumbled.
Q pondered this for a moment, and after that moment, she shook his hand. "Deal."
"Do-do. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-doodli-dooo... doodli-doo-"
Q was cut off by Radar who snapped, "You're supposed to be a spy, not a human radio!"
Q rolled her eyes. "It's SPY music," she insisted. She paused and added, "And b'sides... it's not like Pyro and Turquoise can hear me. They're all the way down there..." Q beamed. "And we're all the way up here!" She lifted up her hands to emphasize the height of the playground castle tower.
Radar looked over at "K" and both girls rolled their eyes.
Blondie said, leaning over the edge, "I think Pyro's annoyed about something..." She deliberated this. "But Turquoise keeps hugging him..." She wrinkled up her nose in disgust. "And kissing him."
Each of the girls looked repulsed and chorused, "Ewww."
"Tell me when she stops," said Q, who felt that Turquoise was a right little brat, and seeing her smother Pyro like that made her inner-psychic (the one who kept insisting that Emerald and Pyro's relationship would end in marriage) yell with fury. And that was a strange concept...
"THERE SHE BLOWS!" yelled Radar as she pointed over to where Emerald was sitting.
The other girls weren't sure whether to laugh or be afraid, because Emerald had the same look on her face as when she practically beat Turquoise into the ground.
"This should be good..." said Radar as she sat down and looked at the scene before her.
Emerald sat down and did the only thing anyone would do at this point. "Eenie… meenie… minie… mo…"
The spawn of Satan was playing with Pyro's hair.
"Catch a tiger by the toe..."
She was trailing her finger up and down his arm.
"If he hollers, let him..." Emerald took in a deep breath as she saw Turquoise kissing Pyro the way Pyro had kissed her, and suddenly, her inner warrior took over. "LET... HIM... GO!"
"Sooo… Miss Ramaker…" said the principal as he turned around in his seat to face Emerald as she sat calmly in the seat. "Care to explain your…" He paused, searching for the appropriate phrase, "…little outburst?"
She could tell him the truth. She could tell him that Pyro had liked her since sixth grade, maybe even fifth grade, and ever since he told her, she had spurned his advances, especially last year when he asked her out 565 freaking times, and now that she was actually considering going out with him, he starts dating this absolute DEMON who had no right to Pyro's heart, and so she was simply bestowing wrath where wrath was due.
"Noo… can you?"
The principal seemed amused. "Well, given your…" Here he looked through Emerald's file, which was littered with detentions, "…history, I'd say Miss Davies made you upset." Now there's a phrase for it.
Emerald shrugged. "So? If she did, she had it comin'." There was just a hint of malice in the way she said this.
The principal looked at Emerald with a patronizing smile. She hated it. "Look, you're a bright girl." He sighed. "You just need to learn to control your anger."
Emerald crossed her arms, slouching back in the chair.
"For now, three days of detention."
"...so then Emerald looked really mad, and then she kept muttering something, and then she was like, LET HIM GO! And she went BAMMO! on Turquoise and-"
"For the love of God, Q, is this how you report back of your spying?" snapped Hydro.
Q looked a little hurt. "Well... yeah..." she said with sad undertones.
Hydro started to hit his head on his desk. After a while, he stopped, and said, "Where is she now?"
"Detention…" Q smiled weakly. "With Turquoise."
Hydro thought over this. "Hmm… this could be good."
At times like these, Emerald wished with all her heart that the detention supervisor didn't fall asleep all the time. She tried to keep busy, she honestly did, but SHE kept making loud sighs, making her cringe every time she heard it.
Finally, predictably, Emerald snapped. "Is something wrong... Turquoise?" She spat out her mortal enemy's name like it was poison.
"Nothing," sighed Turquoise. Again. "You OK, Emerald?" It was obvious that she didn't care.
Emerald's eye twitched. "Amazing feat," she said dryly, "that you can remember people outside your stupid little world."
Turquoise didn't seem amused. "You're just jealous," she retorted, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
"Uh-huh… and I'm the bloody Queen of England."
Turquoise smirked and crossed her arms. "Then why do you keep looking at MY BOYFRIEND the way you do?" she asked coolly.
Emerald scowled. "He was my BEST FRIEND long before he was ever your BOYFRIEND."
"Yeah… but he loves ME!" laughed Turquoise.
Emerald was half-tempted to tell Turquoise exactly what happened between her and Pyro on the playground. But the wiser part of her said that she shouldn't, and so she merely shot back, "Aren't you the hopeful one." She calmly looked at Turquoise and smiled. And for the first time she saw anger lines on that flawless skin, which just made Emerald all the happier. "Yep. That's what I thought." She turned back to the book that she was reading.
"You promised me a donut."
"I promised you a donut for valuable information. You, however, just reported what happened instead of..." Hydro had lost Q's attention and he sighed. "Oh, nevermind." Then he frowned. "What are you looking at?" he asked Q as she smiled at the thing that she was looking at.
She pointed, and Hydro leaned over his school desk, and saw in the hall Emerald walk by Pyro. They both stopped for half a moment, exchanged a look, and moved on.
Q beamed. "There. Valuable information. One donut please!" She held out her hand palm-up.
Hydro looked between Pyro and Emerald and then back to Q, who was looking at him expectantly. He sighed, obviously irritated. "...You're very lucky..." he muttered, pulling out a donut and handing it to Q.
Q beamed. "I know," she chimed as she took the donut. "Soooo…" she said as she took a bite out of her donut. "What're you gonna do?"
Hydro pondered over this for a moment or so. Finally he replied, "Oh... what my mafia does best…"
Q swallowed and said calmly, "Spreading mayhem and destruction everywhere you go?"
Q took another bite of her donut. "So what's the plan this time?"
Hydro looked at Q and smiled just a little darkly. "What's Emerald's most hated thing in the world?"
Hydro rolled his eyes and said, "Besides her!"
"Bugs?" guessed Q, taking another bite of her donut (which was halfway gone, and this made her sad).
Hydro sighed. "Nooo, that's Copo…"
Q mouthed, Oh. She thought for a little while longer and then said, "Admitting she's wrong?"
Hydro paused and considered this. "Well… technically that's right… but…"
Q sighed. "...Hmmmm...." She pondered the question, taking another bite of her donut.
Hydro groaned with exasperation. "You've got to be kidding me! COME ON WOMAN! THINK!" he yelled.
"…Pink?!" squeaked Q, her eyes wide with fear.
Hydro groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh dear God," he muttered. "You're her best friend. How could you possibly not know this?!"
Q scowled. "Sorry. Emerald isn't the most open person in the world." She paused to think. "But I have an idea."
Hydro looked at her and said, "Yes?" He didn't want to get his hopes up, but the small, miniscule, and every other synonym of tiny idealistic part of him couldn't help but leap with joy (he would never admit that there was an ounce of idealism in him).
Q started, "I don't know…" Here Hydro started banging his head on his desk, "…but I know where we could find out!"
Hydro turned and looked at her curiously. "Where?" he asked, trying his best not to sound desperate.
Q started to smile as she answered quietly, "Her diary…"
"…Why… are we doing this?" whispered Copo, as he, Jerry, and Bobert were outside of Emerald's house. It was dark, quiet, and the boys were more than a little frightened. Well, you would be too if you were going after the "devil girl's" diary.
"Because… it's… we… Hydro…" Jerry seemed to be at a loss for why Hydro sent them on this mission and so he explained the best he could, "Because Hydro is an evil mastermind and we shouldn't question him." He smiled contentedly.
Bobert looked at Jerry with his eyebrows raised and he said dryly, "Godfather's pet."
Jerry scowled. "Am not!"
"Shhh!" Copo was suddenly very pale. "There's someone inside!" He was literally shaking.
"Well, it IS a house," said Bobert matter-of-factly, starting to smirk.
"HER house!" whispered Jerry fearfully. His eyes were about at wide and panicked as Copo's. The light went on in the window above them, and then music was heard playing.
The boys were quiet for a moment.
"Well… it's not that bad…. Maybe it's her mom's," reasoned Copo, shaking so badly that it looked as if he was going to need anticonvulsants.
Then they heard it.
Angry, female, metal…
"Carrry on, and on, and onnnn!"
"What's life bleeding on the flooor, the floor, the flooorrrrr!"
"I think my ears are bleeding," whispered Copo, his hands clapped over his ears. Emerald wasn't exactly the greatest singer.
"What song is she singing?" whispered Bobert.
Jerry gulped and both he and Copo looked at Bobert and chorused, "We have no idea."
"And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will…"
They heard Emerald sigh and then she collapsed into a chair. "Thank you for the Venom… My Chemical Romance…"
The boys exchanged a slightly frightened look. The music stopped, and stomping was heard coming closer to the window.
"HIDE!" whispered Bobert as he dove into a pair of bushes, followed by Copo and Jerry.
The window opened and Emerald stuck her head outside.
There was a long period of silence, and it felt like an eternity to the guys as they waited for her to leave so they actually had a chance of sneaking in.
"Jerry?" Emerald paused. "Copo? Bobert?" She paused again. "Hydro?" She paused one more time for several moments, and finally, her voice softened as she called, "Pyro?" It scared the guys how hopeful she sounded. She sighed and as she closed the window, she said something about going out. The guys exchanged a look. It was like God wanted them to read her diary.
Then another song went on. "I wanted you to know..."
The boys bit their lips, trying not to laugh.
"I loved the way you laugh..."
"Nooooo way!" smirked Bobert, who was on the verge of laughter.
"Is she listening to...?"
"'CAUSE I AM BROKEN, WHEN I AM LONESOME, AND I DON'T FEEL RIGHT, WHEN YOU GONE AWAY!"
"Wow… mood swings much?" snickered Jerry, whose fear had vanished with the utter amusement of what Emerald was listening to.
Bobert grinned and whispered, "I'm just happy she's not singing along this time."
Jerry and Bobert heard a sudden sniffling sound, and they instinctively looked to Copo, who, sure enough, was wiping at his eyes.
The two boys frowned, exchanging a look that said, What the crap? "…Copo…?" said Bobert.
Copo started to quietly cry, "Her love is so pure!"
There was a pause filled only by the music.
"This is getting too weird!" said Jerry. "Let's just get the diary and go!"
"Well, how do you suggest we get in?" whispered Bobert, who wasn't completely serious, especially since Jerry wasn't the greatest at making plans.
"Um..." Jerry snapped his fingers, a brilliant idea (in his opinion) popping into his head. "Throw a rock!"
"What?" questioned Bobert and Copo in chorus.
Jerry whispered excitedly, "Throw a rock at the window! We'll lure her out, sneak in while she's looking for whoever did it, grab her diary, and escape through her window!"
Copo and Bobert exchanged a look. "There's a lot of flaws in that plan," said Bobert.
Jerry scowled. "Well, if you're so brilliant, how 'bout YOU come up with an idea?"
Bobert and Copo were silent, and this irritated Bobert, because he knew that he was twice as smart as Jerry.
Jerry smirked in satisfaction, crossing his arms proudly. "That's what I thought."
Bobert huffed in frustration and snapped, "Fine! Give me the rock…"
"Where are you!" hissed Emerald as she searched the bushes with her baseball bat. It was a little funny in the boys' opinion because she looked like one of those crazy old cat ladies who freak out at the snap of any twig.
Meanwhile, the boys were quietly sneaking into the house. Copo almost tripped over the step, but Jerry and Bobert caught him in time. They quickly darted into Emerald's room and seeing it was in utter disarray, Jerry cracked his knuckles and said, "All right, men. Spread out and search."
As Bobert ventured into the piles of clothes and papers and gadgets and other miscellaneous items, Copo started to cry, "We're going to die in here…"
Jerry snapped from under Emerald's bed, "Snap out of it, you pansy, and get in here!"
After a few minutes of searching (Copo was wondering where exactly Emerald went), Bobert shot up from the mess of clothes and held up a small, green book triumphantly. "I got it!"
But before they could celebrate… they heard it.
"Crap! Out the window!" whispered Jerry, as he scrambled over various items, trying to reach the window.
Unfortunately for Copo, he tripped over one of Emerald's shoes, "WHOA!" and just like that, he hit the floor.
"Get up!" hissed Bobert, trying to drag Copo to his feet and towards the window. They could hear Emerald coming….
"WAAH!" cried both Bobert and Copo as they stumbled out of the window.
They heard Emerald walk in and say, "Is anybody in here?" She huffed impatiently. "If it's one of you idiots, I have half a mind to kick you!" She paused and growled, "And you know exactly where I'm gonna aim."
But the boys didn't hear this threat because they were sneaking under the windows and running towards the street. As they made it to safety, they laughed uneasily and Jerry and Copo high-fived each other. But Bobert's face had drained of all color.
"What's wrong?" asked Copo.
Bobert looked at the other guys and whispered, "What'll happen when she finds out her diary's missing?"
There was a long silence.
"God hates us."
Holy cow, it's been forever since the last update.
Thanks to lovefantasyworkreality, notyourbiz, and VioletBluesN'Hues for the reviews! Haha, that rhymed.
Have some blueberry popcorn. It's delicious. :)