But You Can See the Stars

Climbing up onto the roof wasn't hard. The fire escape only went up to the third floor window but a convenient pipe draining water from the gutters to the storm sewers was in easy reach and included bolts affixing it to the brick that made clambering up a snap.

A wind blew, tugging at the treetops, but he couldn't feel its chill. He had long since stopped feeling a lot of things, like hunger, which was why he hadn't bothered to eat in two weeks. It didn't matter to him, all he could feel right now was loneliness anyway.

Sometimes it seemed like that was all he could feel, and he couldn't stand it in the empty barracks beneath him anymore. It wasn't right, he could remember the vibrant and alive feel it had when the unit was still there. True, he had never been one to throw himself into a party, but he enjoyed being there and soaking up the energy. At least on the roof, where nobody was supposed to be, there seemed a better excuse for feeling alone. He leaned back onto the steep-sloped tile roof and looked up at the stars.

"Peaceful, aren't they, Jake?"

He let out a gruff sound something like 'keh', and kept staring out. "They're just tiny points of light far away from me, Marco."

The named subject swaggered a few steps closer and leaned, bracing one hand against the steep roof to stay more or less standing. "I already know you're not out here for stargazing, the only constellation you could identify is Orion, and that's probably behind a cloud right now." Marco casually leaned/lied back against the steep roof nearby and crossed his arms behind his head. "So why don't we skip straight to the point. What's up?"

"The clouds."

"Smartass," Marco threw back with a smile.

"And the rest of me, too," Jake retorted. Silence ticked by, the breeze blew and Jake yielded with a snap, "There's no one to talk to."

"Oooh, there's at least three people in this barracks," Marco replied cheekily.

"There used to be three hundred," Jake answered bitterly. "Besides, I work night shift and they all work day, I'm not going to be so rude and inconsiderate as to wake them up while they're getting in some rare peace and rest." Jake sat up a little to look at the moon coming out from behind a cloud, and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I could live without the hundreds, I just want one."

Marco let out a mirthful sigh and Jake exploded, "Do I have to be Mike O'Brien to voice disappointment in not having a girlfriend?!" The latter leaned back again and crossed his arms behind his head like his friend as he looked gloomily at the cloudy night sky.

"I think your problem is that you're too nice," Marco supplied. "If you weren't so concerned about stepping on a few toes, you'd be more forward. Heck, you wouldn't be silent so often, you need to stop worrying about being polite."

Jake humphed. "But that just wouldn't be me. I've got to remain true to myself. I just wish I wasn't so dependent on somebody reaching out to me, on other people to start the conversation."

Marco stood up and started to pace a little as he thought. "Well, the fact that you recognize you have a problem--"

"Marco," Jake gritted out warningly.

"Sorry, but you know that I've got a cheeky sense of humor and I don't let anything get to me. That's how I am. You've got an unyielding sense of honor that is completely out of place in an American and you let everything get to you. That's how you are."

"It sucks to be empathetic," Jake complained weakly.

Marco stopped pacing and looked at the other. "No, you just want someone to feel empathy for you like you feel for everyone else." Jake scoffed, but Marco resumed to defend his opinion, "Now tell me, how many people were you a confidant for during Basic Training?"

"A few people in my platoon and maybe a dozen in Third Platoon," Jake admitted.

"And how many people were your confidants?"

Jake merely glared, answering the question well enough by his silence.

"I hate to break it to you, but you don't have to be invincible to help out other people." Marco sat against the roof and looked out at the cloudy night sky. "Just the same as 'you can't fool all the people all the time', you can be strong for some of the people all of the time, or strong for all the people some of the time, but you can't be strong for all the people all the time."

"Why not?" Jake snapped, already knowing his friend had a point.

Marco threw up his hands in exasperation. "If you ever do get a girlfriend, I hope she's strong enough to break through a mountain, because that's the job she's got ahead of her."

Jake let out a long sigh and pressed his palms over his forehead. Marco crossed his arms thoughtfully and ventured, "I think this track derailed, let's try a new one. What do you desire? Does she have to be . . . beautiful?"

"Do you want me to recite Benedick's monologue from 'Much Ado about Nothing'?" Jake retorted, though with less defensiveness.

"Paraphrase," Marco replied as he stopped pacing and leaned back against the steep roof. "And stop dodging the question."

Jake looked up at the cloudy sky and slowly admitted, "Yes, I'd like it if she would be pretty, but I'm not like the rest of the world only caring about superficial qualities. That's what bothered me about the guys in the unit before, it was all the looks for them. I want someone intelligent, someone who will talk with me about anything, everything . . . nothing. Someone who will argue me into the right when I'm wrong. Someone who will laugh and remind me to smile when I'm down. Someone who will sigh contentedly and lean against me when she's tired. Someone to take in my arms when I'm lonely and need some assurance."

A few seconds ticked by, and the two looked up into a night sky as the clouds finally broke, and the moon shined down. The wind blew and the treetops swayed gently. Marco gestured up and stated, "Nice weather."

Jake wrapped his arms around his knees and looked out. "I'm still alone."

Marco nodded in concession, but looked back up and pointed out, "But you can see the stars."

Wherever you are, there's a Jake. Be a Marco.

Originally posted on my account at DeviantArt(dot)com. Check it out there if you want some information on the background. Or to see when I originally wrote this - holy cow it feels like it's been a long time!