Broken and Babbling

Broken and Babbling

Can you even see

What your words

Your actions

Are doing to me?

I need to write

I need an out

I need to get away

From all this.

Nothing I do

Is right

Is enough

Everyone always wants more

What is love anyway?

Lust on steroids?

The desire of a body

But with emotion attached?

Is my legacy to be

A path of broken hearts

And shattered dreams?

I never asked for any of it

Cold and unfeeling

A protective shell

Closed around

A scared, vulnerable core

I know this road

The road into the dark

I know it all too well

I swore never to tread this path again

But promises are easy

Keeping them though

That’s the challenge

And I feel the despair

The shattered promises

Slice my feet to ribbons

Bleeding, so much blood

Paving the path ahead

You can’t tell me

I wouldn’t be better off dead

I know I would be

I wouldn’t hurt anyone that way

Nothing I say makes sense

Nothing I write flows

My mind has become a cesspool

Of desire and despair

Of all the things to lose myself in

I dive into books

Into lives I cannot control

A grasp at normalcy

Please! Just give me a chance

Let me live a normal life

Let me be me

Who ever that is

Treat me like I’m a criminal

A criminal I will become

Pregnant at 16

Cocaine running through my veins

I reach out, trying to scream

Trying to tell you

But my words fall on deaf ears

You turn away, your eyes black

You go to her

I scream

She loves you to get at me

Why can’t you see!

She’s always hated me,

Everything I am

Turned everything I love against me

When will it be your turn?

When will you turn on me too?

Or see how twisted I am

How you really don’t want to be near me

That there is so much more you deserve

Why am I so calm about horrors?

Why does it not faze me

When people want to rip me

Limb from limb

Why am I numb?

What have I done?

Do I love too much?

Do I act too little?

I can’t stop crying

I can’t stop writing

I can’t stop wishing

For it all just to go away

Music doesn’t help

Knowing others suffer

Knowing I make others suffer

My hands are soaked in blood

And he won’t listen

I live in constant fear

And he won’t listen

For his pride gets in the way

Pushing aside feeling

Unleashing an animalistic side

Not the one I love

Not the one I know

Blood covers the wall

Not my blood

All my blood

I can feel myself dying

But I’m not dying

It’s not me

I don’t know which way is up

I’m drowning