Iris's POV

I don't know why I put up with this job. There are better ones out there yet this is the best I could do? This is what happens what you're poor and literally left with the bottom of the barrel. I think there's a possibility I'll go deaf by the time I decide to leave. Berkley has a sharp voice. One of those booming theater-gay voices that just make you want to smash things. Just two months and I've never wanted to hurt someone this much. He's making my life a living nightmare. I mean, what would you do in my position if you're desperate for money pretty much?

Also, if I lose this job I'll have to be at home and that would put me in a fearful position. Home life is the last thing I could want in fact I could live without it. Being at home is like going under a surgeon's knife without the ether in my system. I can't have that going through my head now. Not when I'm putting up with nasty gay Tommy Matollas ruining my life. This is my 3rd write up and I have a strong feeling that my days are numbered. People have no idea how hard it was for me to find work. It's not fair how I'm discriminated against consistently for no reason. Makes me wanna really hate my race. Some days, I just hate on a particular race.

I had to stay a couple more hours later because of the lateness. I didn't get a text back from NC. I wonder what his name is. I know I just met him but I'd like to know just for me. Maybe he was upset I wouldn't talk to him. I hate that it was beeping so loud this time. My phone wasn't working all day and it finally decides to connect when I rushed in.

Man, I really cannot stand my luck sometimes. I feel like everyone around just automatically harbors a strong hate for me that I can't really understand. Berkley was the worst. He's one of those queens who always thinks he's doing things the right way; as long as its just his way. He's a dangerous guy. There were times he would call me into the backroom right in front of a customer's order and rudely interrupt business so he can yell at me for not doing things in his eyes. Such a shame.

I'm not this person. I don't behave in such a way that makes anyone to want to call me into a corner and lecture me as if I was 4. I feel like I'm being given a time out or something. Why put myself through this? Aren't there better jobs with better support out there that don't belittle their co-workers?

For now, this is it for me. I really have to stick it out for now. Least it gets me away from the house. Anything that gets me away, I'm willing to try.

Thank god I don't have to close; I hate having to deal with cleaning and locking up when all I wanna do is write another entry and fall asleep. Sometimes I sleep on the bus. I know its weird but whenever I sit down after 6 hours with no break, I really start to relax. Something about the motion and the rocking back and forth. One of my few peaceful times of the day. I totally soak it up. I don't take the metro back because its a little risky, even at around 6pm. It starts getting dark a lot earlier lately and I really don't feel safe in taking the bus, even the one I normally take, when it starts getting dark. Especially when I feel so wiped out from the shifts. And they were just taking orders. There's much more to this underpaid job than people may think.

I felt good about going back this time even though my day at work really blew. I knew she wasn't going to be there and I smiled at that thought. I really need the place to myself. Words flow through me when I'm completely alone. I liked being alone. No one yells at you about every little thing, life is good again. Like it should be.

I took my seat and let out a soft grunt as I thought about how I was going to begin my next entry. Usually, I don't find myself thinking about it this much. I looked at my phone. All the bars went down. I never get service inside the bus. No one important calls me anyway. I could tell by looking outside that it might drizzle or rain tonight. A lot of dark, patchy clouds revealed before me. Since I could remember, rain and thunder always scared me, especially at night. Just the whole horror theme. I'm scared of the dark as is, the sound feels like I'm in a movie.

I leaned my forehead against the window and closed my eyes. I needed to erase all the stress pouring inside my mind. I was almost there so I decided not to take a short nap. I was gonna wait until I got back. Plus I was really hungry to. Being 6 hours without a break is torture for me.

I also, I wanted to have a chat with NC. I really wanted to know his name. It was bothering me a lot. I've got to relax it was only yesterday I'd never heard of this guy. Why am I being so obsessed? I'll let you know what I got the answer. He probably has a girlfriend anyway. He said he hasn't been laid in a couple months, man, he must be tied down by someone. Marriage and commitment will do that. But who cares? I don't. I don't know a thing about him.

I stepped outta the bus and walked toward my gate. I turned the key in the lock and slowly open the door. Man, I've always hated how cheap everything looked here. Was like I'm in one of those hole in the wall complexes that nobody wants to show. I hated how it smelled. The same pungent fumes circulate everywhere and the only way to drown it out is to light up a cigarette. There are many reasons to not come here but I hate staying late hours in the school library. People look at me funny when I start to pack up at exactly 10pm. I try to avoid those looks.

I walked up to my door and turned my key to open it. I moved slowly. I never know when she could be hiding, sleeping, or just outside smoking her brains out. I pray its neither of those. I don't wanna get yelled at now. Not now of all days. Its enough I had one of those shittiest days at work, I would just go insane and kill someone if she started something. It just makes my blood boil like nothing else has. The sound of her voice is like torture. She basically yells and screams at everything for no reason. Like its eternally my fault or something.

I'm not gonna make it out alive if I keep putting up with this. I mean, how much can someone take until you reach that point where the word homicide is the only ticket to freedom. The only plausible exist out. I was so elated to know that she wasn't present. Least that I know of. She's hard to miss if she was hiding. I found her a couple times in my room, going through my wallet trying to dig out some drug or booze money. That's what it goes to mostly. She's one of those idiot mothers that thinks she's going to live forever or something. Not if I keep taking her shit. I'm making a solid promise to myself; if it happens again, anything else, I'm leaving. I packing it up and I'm just going to take off.

I placed my bags down next to my bed inside my room. I let out a soft grunt as I colapsed on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling and than closed my eyes. Quiet. That's all I want sometimes. Quiet and me. I enjoy these moments. I try to enjoy them until I want them to go away. I opened my eyes and pulled myself up. I took off my coat and walked to the computer. I knew what I was going to write and my fingers were aching to pour out the words I've wanted to say.

I logged onto livejournal and began my stuff.

The Longest Day
Mood: Bored
6:03pm

Today at work was another fuck up. Not because of me. Because of my phone. My fucking phone messed up on me and I got another lovely slip from Ryan Seacrest today. Man, what a loser he is. Its not like there was a rush or the President was there or anything. I mean come on, with the type of stuff I do, how demanding is the job? Man, I think he's just looking for every excuse to torture me. Its like being ostracized. Feels like high school. The days of hiding in the bathroom at lunch time. Hiding from anyone with bleached blond hair and dark roots. Just thinking of those days reminds me of how guilable I was to fall for everyone's individual shit. I think everyone in my high school was just really depressed and insecure. Probably not as fucked up as I was. Things were a little different with me.

Ok, my eyes are starting to close, I'm gonna make this rant short. Yes, the queen of complain will make a short one this time. I'm super tired and I feel like I'm gonna fall down soon. Later LJ.

Posted By: evergreeniris 6:03pm

I closed the window and yawned loudly. Shit, I wasn't lying. I was really out of it. I couldn't even write a whole passage. I guess I'll feel better when I'm more relaxed.

CGN12880: Hey, what's up?

I thought he didn't want to talk to me.

evergreeniris: Hey, I'm pretty tired now. Just got back from work. You?

CGN12880: I'm always working but I've been at home for a while. Anything interesting happen today?

How much time you got? There's a lot of things wrong with where I work.

evergreeniris: I'm not one to tell stories. I suck at starting them anyway. My days are the same mostly. Pretty dull.

I know I was being vague but, I really didn't know where to start. There's so many problems and so much that pisses me off my head feels like its about to explode. But I was grateful that he cared. Or at least made an effort to care.

CGN12880: Doesn't sound good. Wanna talk about it?

evergreeniris: Doesn't really change things. I'm a realist, I try not to live in the past so much.

CGN12880: When was the last time you felt really truly happy?

I sighed as my fingers typed up the answer. I didn't want to mask myself any longer.

evergreeniris: I don't remember...

CGN12880: Do you know why?

evergreeniris: I never thought about it much.

CGN12880: I'm thinking you need to get out of where you are now. Do you have a roomate? What's your living situation?

Oh, did I want to say that? I didn't know what I should tell him. Shit.

evergreeniris: I live with someone.

CGN12880: Oh, really... is it serious?

I started laughing. Like any guy would put up with my fucked up mentality?

evergreeniris: No, its not like that. I'm not seeing anyone right now.

CGN12880: Ok, do you live with your family?

evergreeniris: No, I try not to stay home as much. I mostly stay at school and use the lab computer.

CGN12880: Why?

evergreeniris: Why do I what?

CGN12880: Why do you stay at school instead of your home?

evergreeniris: Natural selection. Its a waste of time. I learn more at school anyway even though I dislike school a lot.

CGN12880: I guess school isn't for everyone. I'd go back if I had the chance.

evergreeniris: Its not too late. What's stopping you?

CGN12880: I'm happy with my life now. I wouldn't be as happy as I feel right now. Plus, I don't think I would fit back into that crowd.

evergreeniris: Change of subject please.

CGN12880: LOL Ok, well, what's your favorite song? The song that moves you?

I had to really think about this one. It was too general I felt. I couldn't pick just one.

evergreeniris: That depends on the type of music. I like folk songs a lot. Some rock power ballads are cool. There's too much varity. It depends on the vibe and words. I can't pull out only one. I really like "Landslide" the Stevie Nicks version. The live version is just so amazing and the words of the songs are surreal. Its one of those realistic songs. What about you?

CGN12880: I like anything by Bryan Adams and like anything from classic rock to some ska. I like some catchy pop stuff. Some of the songs are really good. Folk is only good when its live I agree. Studio recordings are nothing compared to how it sounds when its live. But than I think that goes with anything. Live stuff is the truth of what makes a great song. Anybody can just record a good song and make it pitch perfect in the studio.

evergreeniris: It isn't as authentic I think. Anyway, I love to stay but I'm getting really exhausted now. I think I better go.

CGN12880: Ok, thanks for staying up through my ramblings.

evergreeniris: No problem. Have a good night...?

It took him 15 seconds to write one word.

CGN12880: Nick... :D

evergreeniris: Goodnight Nick, nice to meet you.

CGN12880: Nice to meet you too... LOL Sorry, what is your name?

I smirked and licked my lips.

evergreeniris: I'm sure you could figure that one out. :)

CGN12880: Gonna torture me right? I'm sure your right, I just wanted to hear it from you.

evergreeniris: Iris.

I didn't post it just yet. My index finger was on the backspace. I wasn't sure. A name is a personal thing. Its like giving a piece of who I am away. And once they know it, that's it. There's no going back. But I don't know yet. He doesn't know me well enough. Ugh, I'm stuck! I didn't know what to do.

"Where are you you ungrateful child?" I jumped at the roaring sound of my night terrors.

I erased everything and signed off of the computer. I had to hide. I knew it was going to be too late but I had to still try. Fear took over my senses like nothing else. I heard the beep of my cell phone but I knew she heard it. I wasn't safe now. I felt my heart pumping so hard like it was beating out of my chest.

I looked down on my phone and read the words no one has ever asked me in long time.

"Are you alright?" -Nick