Bodies
June.11.08

I lash out upon this space, aching to hate this world and this life while
My mind and myself have so much desire to believe and see through clear blue without
Any of this grey and to withhold and express all this beauty in the light of pain
Nothing can be understood most of all not within desire and humanness.
The slightest movement is hilarious because it is proof that I exist, it is very funny to be alive
It is very funny to be in this room, in this life, in this body that holds me so well,
growing and deforming to fit, it is amazing and I wish to tear it to pieces, escape.
I long to understand this loveliness and understand this why but there is no how, there
is no learning, only gorging in this ugly place with all these estranged whimsy creatures that are
equally like me in every way I wish to deny. We are in these bodies alone in what-
living in bodies that are much greater than us, and doubly alive.
My ears twist all sounds and motions into something it can understand, things like
pretty and ugly and painful and silly, the range is considerably small-
I am small and I will attack and dismantle this existence hopelessly, it being something so great I
am unable to push or pull or dent or harm. I have nothing to give or take but simple useless
things.