I stare at the ceiling, my eyes wandering across its cracks, and faults, taking in it’s every detail even as my heart pounds beneath my breast, it’s every beat making me wonder again if this was the moment it would choose to burst; even as i try desperately to hide from the thoughts that work so hard to invade my mind. The thoughts of her.

She would be coming, tonight. For me. I knew that deep in my bones, just as I knew every crack in the ceiling above me. She always came for me. Not every night, mind you. Sometimes it would be a week, sometimes a day…if I was really lucky sometimes a whole month would pass before she came to my bed again, whispering in my ear. I was rarely lucky. Eventually, she always came. But not any more.

Tonight, it ended. Tonight, the torment stopped, once and for all. On this night, if never again, I would answer the knock at the door, and listen to the whisper in my ear. I wonder what she will say to me. Not that it matters much.

The coldness seeps up my foot as it touches the floor boards, and continues up my leg. Step by step, I walk towards the front door. The seconds dragging by, becoming minutes, and seemingly hours. The fact that it could not truly be hours has no meaning to me. Not as the clock above my mantle seems to blur, and the hands to spin, though the door seems to come no closer. In a way, I am almost relieved.

I wonder what I will say to her when I see her. My tongue feels sluggish. I do not know that I will be able to talk to her. But I have to. The torment has to stop.

The door finally looms closer, ever so slowly, my every step seeming a century. My heart beats more powerfully yet within my chest. I do not know that I can last much longer.

But low! The door is but a moment away. My hand begins to reach for it, though it takes all my strength. My hand shakes as it nears the door. I fear it will shatter, any moment…I can barely get my hand around it, I shake so.

Finally I grasp it, turning it ever so slowly. And pull.

For one heart shattering moment, it doesn’t move. For just a second, I dare to hope, and pray that I will not have to face her for my crimes…and fear from the knowledge that she will come again. And then the door swings open, and I see the thing I have feared most of all.

“Katherine…” But all there is, is nothingness.

And, as the cold wind blows past my slowly stiffening body, I am a t peace, having finally paid for the greatest crime of all: Outliving love itself.