If you were to look around my room, there would be no indication that I was gay

If you were to look around my room, there would be no indication that I was gay. In fact, my room is a normal 18 year old boy’s room, with various pictures of bands, messy checkered bed sheets, and clothes strewn over the floor. None of those frivolous decorations of lace curtains, sentimental albums, and teddy bears touch my room. My room is simple and practical. Simple desk with only textbooks, papers and laptop. My skateboard propped in the corner of my room. Devon’s guitar, which he unceremoniously left at my house after a late night of watching 1950’s style guerilla warfare movies and my top of the line stereo with intense bass definition.

Too bad my alarm clock isn’t as top of the line as my stereo because I ended up waking up at 9:00 and already thirty minutes late for class. Except it was only Spanish with Mrs. Kellend, an old middle-aged fag hag, head of the Gay Straight Alliance at my school and who constantly sports ludicrous hippie style dresses tie-dyed in rainbow colours. She’s always propositioning me to be the mascot of the annual gay festival she organizes at our school. As if there aren’t other gay folks at my school—I mean what about Butch Liz? (Get it-? Liz..Lez…Lesbian) Not kidding that’s her name. She’s not really butch—if you call wearing plaid shirts, skinny jeans and those John Deere trucker hats butch. But then, that’s the style a lot of girls at my school are going for these days. Plaid has become a fashion statement. Gag me. Not that I have anything against plaid. My close friend Kai wears plaid all the time, but when the plaid shirts become an excuse to undo all the buttons except for the two measly ones covering up the boob exposure than it becomes a bit nauseating. I bet Butch Liz likes it.

I live in a pretty urban city: Vancouver, B.C baby, where skinny jeans dominate the legs of local scenesters in my fair city. Homosexuality is quite “in” in this city, not to say I flaunt it like the queens that parade past the gay clubs lining Davie street. I’m all about exhibiting oneself—but when said exhibitionist tries to “exhibit” his cock to me with a doily wrapped around it, I get defensive. Take it from me—if you’re a fresh little gay boy in Vancouver, don’t walk down Davie street at 1:00 in the morning.

Anyways, back to the present, where I am currently struggling to fit my pale gray skinny jeans over my bright yellow briefs. I know, briefs…but you try fitting skinny jeans over boxers. I only pull my jeans halfway up my butt, showing off my hot-pants briefs and loop a black belt around my hip. I then don my v-necked navy blue t-shirt, splash cold water over my face and hair and rush out the door. I know—I’m a hip mothafucker, but you gotta be to survive in Vancouver.

Well, I ended up arriving at school with only ten minutes left of first period, so I decided to lounge against the lockers and wait for my friends. I have a pretty close knit group—all of us bonding over our love for music and skateboarding. Well, Daniel and Kai bonded over their love for chicks with big breasts and piercings. I know, how vulgar. Basically, it’s me, Daniel, Kai, and Devon.

Me? My name is..

“Lee!! My sexy bitch!”

Oh eew…cue pervert music.

A tall, skinny, body flung itself at me, in an attempt to wrap his gangly limbs around my waist. And that’s Angelo—Spanish and horny. I don’t even think he’s gay—just goes for any gender really. He claims to have gotten a blow job from Mr. Diego, our very hot English teacher. Like, fuck that. Mr. Diego has standards and besides, if anyone were to get a blow job from Mr. Diego it should be me.

“No! No! Angelo get off!! Get off! Umgff..”

“Mmm…I get off on you beautiful. You know I love the taste of halfies.” With that he licked my neck and nipped lightly on my earlobe. Sounds sensuous, but really it was quite disgusting. The half statement is just a reference to the fact I’m half Japanese and half British. The half Japanese I resent a little bit, as we have an Anime club at our school and they had a meeting about me once…something about wanting to set me up with another Japanese male student at our school. Who is quite hot I admit…sadly straight though. And…doesn’t speak English.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: “Jeeze you are hot. Smoldering hot. Seriously, who does your eyebrows…because they are so finely shaped. I love that lip piercing your sporting there too. Very ahh…promiscuous. You know, I’m half Japanese, maybe you can teach me some Japanese—or the language of love. You could teach me that too. Fuck, I just love talking to you—I mean you don’t even need to say a word. Your eyes say it all. I have never seen eyes with such a light hazel colour, well except for mine. Are you a halfie too?”

Hot Japanese student: Ne? (slightly scared and confused expression)

I’m pretty small—for a guy. I blame that on my five-feet-two mother. I’m only 5’6 and skinny. I stopped taking P.E after grade ten after it became optional just because I always got trampled during soccer. As a result, that is why I couldn’t get the 5’8 probably disease ridden teenager who is currently trying to bite my Adam’s apple to get off.

“Angelo, I don’t think Lee appreciates your um...advances.” Oh! The voice of my saviour! I look up gratefully at Devon with his aquiline nose, heavy lidded blue eyes, floppy brown hair and thin British mouth. He could be a model with his 6 feet 1 frame and slouchy stance if it weren’t for the fact he’s extremely un-photogenic and shy. Very Shy. As well, he’s a non-conformist. Doesn’t do the scene, doesn’t do the parties and doesn’t do the girls. Haha! No, he’s not gay either. Just indifferent and more concerned about the “ethics” of the world. Not even Angelo challenges his word. He is THAT cool. Even though he doesn’t do school spirit shit or talk to all the popular girls at our school, he’s still the topic of conversation among the gossiping girls at our school. Angelo simply slides off me languidly and flashes me a Cheshire cat smile before sauntering away. I personally can’t stand the kid, but Daniel’s pretty good friends with him. Just because they have a weekly ritual of smoking weed together and attending raunchy parties where they get blow jobs from desperate, pretty girls with bangs that cover their heavily painted eyes.

“Thanks,” I say gruffly, embarrassed.

“Maybe you should go work out with Kai sometime and then when Angelo tries to approach you again, knock him out with a right hook,” Devon chuckled.

I just look at him sourly.

“In the meantime, maybe I can just knock him out with your precious guitar you left at my place Saturday.” That made Devon blanch considerably.

Just then, a group of giggling little Asian girls walked by, pointing at me while covering their laughing mouths with their hands. I shook my head at the raucous that little grade 8 and 9 girls make of seeing a gay boy. They don’t even know for sure that I’m gay (even though I am)—it sucks they’re just basing me on my appearance. I can’t help that I have a small, slender figure gifted to me by my dainty Japanese mother and long eyelashes from my White father. I’m girly. I’ve come to terms with it when Daniel and Kai thought it would be funny to dress me up like a maid on Halloween and parade me around the school. That’s when Mrs. Kellend thought it would be simply adorable to make me her gay mascot. I almost moved schools then.

Besides my friend’s little attempts at amusement, I love them. As friends! AS FRIENDS. I mean, Daniel’s bisexual (or so he claims) but the boy just wants ass. From anyone he can get it from. He had a little crush on me at a time but we realized it just wouldn’t work out, because he’s the cheating type. I think he does harbour a crush on Devon though, but then everyone in our god forsaken school does.

Speaking of Daniel, I see him walking towards us, in his skinny jeans and white t-shirt with a black vest and a skateboard hanging loosely from his hand. I see he’s getting a bit chubby as a slight tummy is protruding from his low riding jeans and his clinging white shirt. I laugh and cover it up with a loud hacking cough. He’s looking at me funny now. Daniel has a weight problem—he’s a total girl. More girly than me, but just because he’s 5’8 and bigger than me he doesn’t get picked on. I mean weight problem in the sense that he’s not fat but he thinks he is. He is what the magazines identify as a yo-yo dieter. He would indulge in the fast food that boys eat without worry and then he would torment himself with small salads until he’s ten pounds too skinny and then go back to eating burgers and gain back the weight plus more. All the while complaining his curly haired head off to us. Devon’s the only one who gives a shit—just because if gives him a chance to go off on another of his intellectual lectures of how the obesity rate in North America is sky rocketing and how the documentaries like Supersize Me only create an induced obsession with fast food without the necessary result.

The one thing I don’t like about Daniel is that he’s a bit touchy-feely and he’s got the gay stereotype going on even though he’s not gay. He’s got a slight lisp, cocks his hip a bit too much, goes shopping with the popular girl clique at our school and is a man-slut. Also, the guy is a fashionista. Total Vogue and Vanity Fair follower. He’s also the one who goes out of his way to scope out awesome vintage stores that sell cheap fashionable and designer clothing. In fact, he’s the one who hooks me up with a lot of my awesome clothes. I’ve got this faux-leather deep burgundy red jacket that I am in love with from him for my birthday. Totally just off the runway and totally form fitting. Fuck, there I go sounding like a girl.

“Why did you bring your skateboard to school?” I ask him. It’s so inconvenient bringing a skateboard to school as our lockers barely fit our textbooks much less a skateboard. And besides, only wannabe cool skateboarders bring their skateboards to school. Well, they are wannabe unless they live really far away, but most of the people in our school live in the local neighbourhood, so they do not need to bring a skateboard to school.

He shrugs and in Daniel-esque fashion, cocks a hip. “Just wanted to hit the new skate park after school.”

“New skate park?” I hear Kai’s deep voice call giddily from around the corner followed by his lumbering gait and six feet presence. A big goofy smile lights up his voice at the thought of wheeling up fresh ramps and amateur half pipes.

“mmhmm,” answers Daniel, looking so smug at his new discovery. “State of the art, my friend, beautiful architecture.”

“Fuck yes I’m going!”

Daniel glances inquisitively at Devon and I. Devon, leaning against his locker, takes a bite of his apple and nods his assent.

I shrug and look sheepishly at him. “I can’t. I have to make up a Biology test today afterschool. It’s last chance so I have to show up.” That and I’m practically failing the term, but I don’t mention that as Devon’s pretty sensitive about grades. If he finds out I’m flunking he’ll make sure I stay in every weekend to push up my grade and I simply can NOT stay in the coming long weekend as we’re heading up to the island for an opening party for some new Indie band. Kai’s friends with the manager’s little brother and somehow weaseled us into the par-tay where word is has an open bar. Can we say “Lee is going to get shit-faced” kids?

“Well sucks for Lee. Everyone else down?” Daniel asks blithely while I glower in his direction.

So, 3:30 rolls around to find all my friends ditching me to check out the new skate park and me trudging my way towards the Biology classroom. Haggard old Mr. Mcdonnahue sitting in his squeaky wooden chair while three unfortunate students and I scribble away on our test joy. NOT. I actually feel pretty confident about the test as I skim through the multiple choice. The unit is on Male and Female Reproductive system. I aced the Male diagrams of sexual genitalia and the female organs I did okay. I’m not some sexual pervert who goes around memorizing names of a guy’s private parts and gets off on textbook diagrams of a penis. I just know because I HAVE one. I’m sure the girls do better on the vagina diagram too.

After finishing up the last sentence to the “process of spermogenesis” I hand in my test and walk down the empty hallway hoping to catch the guys still at the skate park or at least hanging out at Kai’s house as his mom always makes really great cookies for us and if we’re in luck Kai’s very hot older brother will be visiting from college and maybe he WON’T bring his blonde girlfriend this time.

I walk past Mr. Diego’s English classroom and stop when I hear the clacking of a computer. I peek in to see him typing away at some assignment he will be handing out probably to one of his classes tomorrow. I creep silently closer and admire his side profile. He has delicious looking smooth caramel coloured skin, a tall, slightly crooked nose, long eyelashes framing beautiful green eyes and the prickles of a five-o-clock shadow ghosting over his chiseled jaw. He looks around 26, and he’s a pretty new teacher—thus his young age. Fresh off the market. I can see why Angelo would make up such a claim as a blow job from Mr. Diego as he has the most beautiful full lips I’ve ever seen. Not full like Botox-injected porn star lips but just a natural pouty look, but still thin enough not to look like the tying end of a balloon. He’s got this impeccably straight posture making me wonder if he had been a dancer of some sort or just seriously perfect in every way. I sigh a loud exhaled sigh of desire which causes him to turn towards me with this very cute and startled expression on his face.

“Lee? What are you doing here so late after school? Is there something I can help you with?” Suddenly his face falls into a slight frown and he takes on an authoritative tone. “If this is about the essay I handed back today. All grades are final. I am not taking the time to look over those ten page essays again for a simple half mark.”

I laugh. The man is utterly clueless, I mean, like I give a fuck about my essay. Besides, I got a very respectable B that I am already satisfied with. I’m not one of those annoying straight-A students who argue over half a mark. I can guess the stress he’s under though, because our school is full of the type of squabbling students that WOULD probably raise the roof over a silly one or two extra percent. I bet a few try to wheedle in sexual favours in exchange. Of course I wouldn’t need an exchange to sexually please him. I’m all pro-bono, baby.

Mr. Diego again looks confused as I gaze into his green as grass eyes in amusement. He’s got adorable, large, soft eyes. The kind of eyes that twinkle when he’s amused or feeling mischievous (not that I’ve seen him feel “mischievous” but I wouldn’t MIND seeing this) and spark when he’s annoyed or angry. “Well then, don’t play games Lee. I have a lot of marking to do here. So tell me what you’re here for.” See, he’s starting to get irritated and I can see that half-spark ready to shoot from his eyes.

“As a matter of fact, I DO need something from you,” I execute my saunter perfectly having imitated it from Daniel who has his strut perfected to a T. His is to catch those unsuspecting females, and mine is to catch a very gorgeous teach. I pull out a wrinkled piece of paper from my shoulder bag and hand it over to him. “I have a free block in third period and I applied to be your teacher’s aide…” I drag out my words, “If…you need a helping hand…” I lean over his shoulder and drape my body over his desk as he examines the piece of paper with the guidance counselor’s scrawled scribble certifying what I just told him.

“Well, I guess I do need some help with grading the younger grades’ assignments and organizing my paperwork.” He looks me up and down and surprises me with a smirk almost bordering on indecent. “If you’re willing to get a bit down and dirty…I need someone to clean out my storage space in the back of my room.” He gestures to the locked closet behind his office.

My cheeks heat up from the connotation of his words, which maybe only in MY mind would sound that dirty and nod.

“Alright great!” Mr. Diego enthusiastically signs the slip of paper and hands it over to me with a big smile. “I’ll see you third period tomorrow then.”

I give him my most sensuous smile and dimple at him, making sure my fingers graze his as I take the slip of paper. “It’ll be a pleasure helping you, sir.”

He is of course completely clueless to my innuendoes and ushers me out the door. “Good bye Lee.” I huff in annoyance of having been hurried so quickly out the door. Whatever.

I snap out my cell phone to phone Kai, as Devon doesn’t have a cell phone and Daniel’s is never on anyway. It’s always so hard to track down my friends, but I didn’t care just then as I was already fantasizing about my hour and a half session with Mr. Diego.