Darkness Whispered My Name

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You have seen me naked and alone and stripped of whatever truth there is left. I just wonder when this tragedy would end.

There are lots of things that have happened - lots of lies, lots of made-up stories that were told. For the most part, I think I'm going crazy.

Hell? How stupid. You don't know hell.

I almost died when I was fourteen years old.. I was studying for the third grading period examination. It was math, I think. I found out I was the last one still awake so I decided to sleep. I went to bed and continued to memorize the formulas in my mind. Suddenly, I felt pretty cold - like someone was taking my clothes off. I froze. I couldn't move, much less breathe. I got a glimpse of a guy. Kinda dark-colored. So I recited a prayer. It seemed like an eternity before I managed to wake up from the nightmare. But it kept haunting me. I dreamt I was being raped over and over again but in different instances and by different people. Some I know and some I don't. I even dreamt Freddy Krueger from Nightmare of Elm Street tried to suck me in and drag me under the bed. If you experienced these things, too, I suggest you pray fervently.. I would like to sleep and dream of good things, is that too much to ask?! I don't care if I die young, though..

It’s been five years. Fortunately, the nightmares have stopped a few months back. But they left a mark.. Scars, to be exact. I always feel worthless, useless and insignificant. It’s like I don’t have the right to live or something because of everything that has happened.

Kids these days are experiencing peer pressure. Parents are workaholics and have their own lives to think about. A divorce here, a mistress there.. Someone gets pregnant and the cycle goes on and on. A perfect world? We were made by God's image and likeness. Even if your religion is different, it doesn't matter. Lots of people died for our country and our religion. Everyone had there fair share of history. Nazi? The past is the past. No one should persecute anyone just because of what they are and what they believe in. Annoyingly enough, it's a sad issue. Music is fast becoming a major influence, too. Anarchy here.. Money and almost naked women there.. Suicide and razorblades.. Rape and drugs.. Brotherhood? Initiation? I call it murder.

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a/n: Written when I was pissed with the world.. which happens most of the time.. Anyways, in our country, this type of dream/nightmare is called "urom". Some people actually die because of this. If you eat too much and sleep afterwards, this may also result to "urom" or sometimes referred to as a disease in the pancreas.

Some guys actually die from a brotherhood's so-called initiation and I hear some countries kill guys just because they're gay.. which is utterly sad..

The sudden transition from my nightmares to peer pressure, etc, is abrupt, I know. These are just my thoughts on the different issues mentioned. And I want to know if anyone here experienced "urom", too. My sister says she does so I guess maybe other people can relate to this, too.

I was hesitant to post this. It's not like I want to broadcast to the whole world that I've been having recurring nightmares about rape. It's just that I want to know if some people have experienced this, too and maybe.. just maybe, we can find a way to stop this. It feels good to have finally let my feelings out. No one else knows about this. Not even my mom. She just knows that I've been having weird dreams.