so long, farewell

it’s easy to hide behind
summer dresses,
silly lime green cardigans
and bashful smiles.

i was caught on film today
hovering in the background popping pop
-corn on the stove.
“she’s like a little stepford
wife”

they pat my head while smiling fondly
(again)

the space between us on that air mattress
felt more like miles than a few
centimeters earlier

i lied through my teeth today.
hid a receipt in the pages of a book
i haven’t read in years.
my own mother didn’t even look me
in my eye
but a friend’s hugged me
twice today, told me
“best of luck in the future”

when did my family start this
no eye contact business?

there are endings and beginnings,
clichés and that pink elephant in the room that
no one likes to acknowledge.
i’m just confused right now
& scared
& lonely

and sometimes i just want to go back
to October when we
walked together holding hands.

she hurt me tonight and she
doesn’t even know.

a/n: I'm not that good with goodbyes