Never Again

The point of life left her the moment he did. She could feel the sorrow laced inside of her, there would be no getting over it this night, nor the one to follow.

It happened three years ago on a night just as this. The sky beautiful with stars that stood out amongst the black sheet around them and a cold wind that only wrapped around the warmest of people, yet no matter how peaceful Mother Nature could make the outside, the inside of a small cottage in the east would tell a different story.

He was going to leave tonight and never return. Hopefully, his wife won’t wake up when he departs, because that would make the process more challenging. He knew what he would be leaving behind and it hurt him more than anything in the world, but it was for her well being. If he didn’t go, his enemy would take her and hurt her. It’s impossible to protect her every moment of the day; therefore, it’s the only choice he could make. If he were to tell her of this man, it wouldn’t stop the inevitable… she’d be taken away and the chance of him finding her, alive, would be slim to none.

When his thoughts began to get less scrambled, he slowly got out of bed. Silence mocked him; every step he took seemed louder in the thin air of midnight. Would she wake? He questioned his motive and realized that he must make the sacrifice. Maybe one day their paths would cross, but tonight he would have to take away everything they had created. Would he give it back someday? He truly wished that he could, but she would never allow it… even if he explained himself. Sorrow hit him in a new way, slithering around him like a snake and squeezing the breath right out of him.

“Joseph, where are you going?” Her innocent voice crept into his ear canal. All he could feel was an agonizing pain in his chest, his heart was ripping apart. Why weren’t his ribs protecting this organ? Had they abandoned their job just as he would do to his wife? He knew it wasn’t fair. In fact, it was anything but.

“Bella, I will be going to a place far away from here.” He spoke, unable to recognize his voice. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. His mind contradicted his actions, urging him to stay, just as the look in his wife’s, suddenly aware, eyes. Her beautiful forest eyes, oh why did she have to wake?

“Why?” She breathed the hurt shining through her slumber-induced facade. Why did she have to breathe as if he had just stabbed her in the chest?

Because I did, he thought miserably. The truth weighed on his shoulders like three elephants, he suddenly felt light headed, and couldn’t move from his spot. He had to go now, or he would give in. Joseph forced himself to take a step forward. ‘Why’, she repeated.

He wanted to look at her, he wanted to hold her, and he wanted to tell her that everything would be okay. Although, Joseph knew that if he looked at Bella, he wouldn’t be able to let her go. “It’s dangerous here…”

“What’s the matter?” She interjected immediately, panic taking over her senses. He was truly thinking of leaving her. The realization sprung in her entire expression, she sat up from her place in the bed- anger.

“You, our love…” He trailed off, lying through his agony. Oh how it musthave hurt her. Bella was so fragile… He forced the thoughts to the back of his mind. Surely, she would be able to get over it. The girls in the story books never did, but those are fictional… right?

“Damn it, Joseph! What does our love have to do with this?!” Her anger covered the underlying pain, making Joseph physically flinch. She would come out of this loathing him; he knew it- he could feel it.

“Isabel, it’s complicated,” he sighed in frustration. Would he be able to will himself to leave? The moment she woke up his entire logic went out of the window and he was beginning to cave in. How long could he fight the voice inside of his own brain? How strong could he be?

“Don’t Isabel me! I don’t want to hear it!” She paused, sucking in a calming breath. “Please stay,” she spoke, closing her eyes in confusion. She brought her hand to her face and rubbed her temples. There had to be a logical reason as to why he would just up and leave. It couldn’t be their love…it, just, couldn’t be…

“I can be brave,” She stated as an afterthought. Her voice had to have been the inspiration to choral music, because Joseph couldn’t stop listening. His feet refused to move. Why were the Gods punishing him now? Why couldn’t they let him beat himself up on the way to his destination?

“You must let me leave. Anyone can face guns and knives, but only the bravest can give up those they love. So, if you are so brave, you will let me go.” He tried to reassure her; to make her understand that she couldn’t be brave, that he must be the valiant one. She should just live in peace and he in hiding. He wanted to tell her everything, explain the complications. She would understand then, but if he told her she would be in peril. He knew that.

“I cannot let you leave, Joseph! What would I do without you? What am I supposed to do Joseph? If you think that you can just waltz out of here without an explanation, you better rethink that decision.” Bella ordered, once again angry with her idiotic husband.

Joseph already had the answer to that question, “You will go on living, of course. I am not your air, or your water, or your food. You can very easily survive without me. Like you survived before you knew me. I must leave now, Bella.” it rolled off of his tongue as if rehearsed.

“No!” She shook her head to add affect. “Yes, you are right. You are not my air, nor my water, nor my food. But you are also wrong. I cannot survive without you because you are my very life! If you weren’t going to stay with me you should have never said ‘I do’, Joseph, because the moment you did you became a part of me. What do I do with that part of myself? Just throw it away as if it meant nothing?!” She screamed, anger flowing through her veins. She could feel the build up of heat radiating around her. In fact, hot tears were scurrying down her cheek. This was not right.

“Don’t talk like that,” Joseph snapped, closing his eyes and clinching his fists. Look what he was doing to her? How could he hurt someone he loved so much? He was a horrible person, but he had to do the right thing and this was it. He was only minutes from walking out that door, the conversation would close and he’d never be able to talk to her again… never be with her again. He hated himself, but he hated the man that wanted to kill him even more. If it weren’t for this enemy he wouldn’t have to leave his wonderful wife. He wouldn’t have to be the cause of her tears. This man will die an excruciating death.

“You know it’s true,” she whispered in one last attempt to keep him by her side. She stood, looking at the back of his head, willing him to stay. If only the words could reach out to him in a way that would make him never think like this again, yet, at the same time, she knew the attempt would fail. He would walk out of that door and never walk back through it.

“No it is no-”

“I love you.” She forced it through her lips. She didn’t want to hear his next words. The realization had come upon her and she didn’t want to take in anymore of it. She just wanted to cry, to scream…

“I know. I love you too. And it is for that reason that I am going away. I pray that you will understand my motivations. I fear for your life. If you were to die because of me I would never forgive myself. You must stay here, while I go away. We may meet again some day. I will be looking forward to it, but until then I must say good-bye my love.” This time, he was strong. His voice cut through the silence like a knife, although, it was not fierce. He, then, waited for her reply. For some reason, he knew she would accept it, maybe it was their love that made him able to stay so courageous, but he couldn’t leave until he heard her resignation.

She paused, staring at his back. She let her eyes sweep over him for the last time.

Never again…

It was this moment they intertwined, for they were thinking the exact same thought.

“Goodbye,” she murmured, collapsing onto the bed and covering her face with her hands. She could no longer hold in her broken-hearted sobs. Her entire body filled with exhaustion. Pain came in waves, starting at her heart and sending waves out like ripples in a pond. She could not watch him go.

He forced himself to walk out the door. Each step he took left another footprint in his past. As he walked over the hill, his shadow reached back towards the house. He would always be pulled in two different directions, but he made his choice the moment he got out of bed that beautifully eerie night. Too bad life would never be the same for either of them.

Joseph, eventually, died. His death was tragic and rather gruesome, but not all is fair in love and war.

As for Bella, she knows that she will never see Joseph again, but he still haunts her dreams. It’s as if his picture is sewn into the back of her eye lids. Every time she closes her eyes he appears. The sorrow has long past and she stopped waiting for him years ago, but she meant what she said. He was not her air, nor her water, nor her food, but he would always be a part of her.

AN: I wrote this for a contest where I got second place. So, if you've seen this written by a 'That's Amazing', that would be me. :D I hope you liked it! It's a tad bit cliche, but I shaped it to the contest's liking. R&R and I will do the same!