Faith

I get it now. I understand. It is not about dressing or working. Walking, laughing, or drawing. It is not about outward manifestations of a thing you wish you were. All these things are simple window trappings. I cannot truly change or become better by changing the outward appearances. Rather the change must begin within and all these other will follow. I must live it and profess it. I must live my dress. Live my work, my walk, my laugh and art. And life is not easy. It is not conveniently linear and continuous. Life needs to start from the inside out, like faith. Faith which is the opposite of trust. Trust is earned, faith is belief in things one cannot see and what one has not seen. Faith like life glows and lights the journey. I am no longer a prisoner to my own inadequacies. By recognizing them I have set myself free, in the faith I have in God that he will work on them with me. I have allowed joy into my life. The world is still a stage and I am still its player. But now I know for whom I act, the plot if not the script.

It goes maybe something like this;

“Girl, if you don’t like yourself who is going to like you? You better learn to love yourself before you ask someone else to you, and you best realize that no matter how hard you try you can’t make someone love you by changing you. Then it aint you. How you live your life is choice and how you love yourself is a conscious act. It’s hard but you know you have a teacher in me. But don’t you fret and don’t you be discouraged because before you love yourself, before you make that choice, I have loved, do love you and will love you with a love that will never die. And that’s the honest truth. Come, and walk with me, through your life. I love you”