New story. I don't like it that much. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to. Oh well.

Inspiration drawn from an episode of Torchwood, an episode of Doctor Who, and the book House of Leaves.

Headlights and flashing police lights, sirens following close behind as he glanced into his rearview mirror. The exit ahead of him – 121-D, Fourth Street and Downtown – so close. He could pull off there, would do it to allow the police to pass as they chased a speeding vehicle down the dark highway.

Sudden screeching, the blare of a horn. A lime-green pickup barreled toward his smaller sedan – damn him for purchasing such a crappy car; he knew he should have listened to Rob. Split-second decisions out the window, lost to the night. No time, no chance.

Impact. Glass shattered and the windshield cracked. His door dented, the steering wheel pushed down painfully on his legs. He felt nothing in his feet, adrenaline coursing through his body. He lost control, sped down the ramp, onto the grass, into a tree.

Numbness and cold, fear and prayer – had he ever prayed before? The sirens stopped, the lights remained. A face beside his, calling his name, but he did not understand. His head pounded, bled. He blinked for a second, closed his eyes, opened them again. Turned to the face, whispered something, never remembers what.

Closed his eyes again, fell asleep.

– – –

“Hey, Johnny! I’m taking you out tonight.” The phone shook in Johnny’s hand, but Rob’s voice came in clearly. “It’s been a week since you got out of the hospital and it’s time you got out of that apartment of yours. Drinks on me, I promise.”

Johnny hesitated before answering. He sat in the center of the floor, legs crossed, staring wide-eyed at the walls. The white paint was crisscrossed with black lines, covered with strange drawings he did not remember. “I don’t know,” he replied at last.

“Are you okay, bud?” Rob laughed softly. “You’re not crying, are you?”

“No.” Johnny swallowed thickly and looked at the pencil that laid beside his hand on the carpet. The point was worn down to the wood, but the eraser was completely in-tact. He had woken up with the pencil in his right hand, gripped like someone who had never held a pencil before. “I’m left-handed,” he whispered absently, forgetting about Rob.

“Yeah, so? Listen, Johnny: I’ll be over in half an hour to pick you up. Get cleaned up – I’d like to get laid tonight.”

“Okay.” Johnny closed his eyes and sighed. “I’ll meet you outside.”

“No prob. See you then.” Rob hung up.

Johnny placed the phone on the carpet and stood slowly, taking in the walls again with steady breath. He picked out some images: a detailed drawing of the moon that covered much of one wall, accompanied with the background of the rest of the solar system; ivy that trailed along the edging and down each corner, looping into all the other drawings; random cross-hatched spots that seemed to serve no purpose.

He looked down and walked to the bathroom. When he finished showering, he went to his bedroom and closed the door. He tried not to look at the walls in the room: Covering all four walls was a train, a locomotive that seemed to burn as it proceeded along its track.

The drawing frightened him for a reason he could not figure out. Maybe it was the fear he felt when he looked at the other drawings, the pictures that had appeared overnight and seemed to have come from his own hand?

Outside, Johnny waited for Rob on the sidewalk. He tried to block the walk back through his apartment, and realized he was doing well so far. Rob would not understand, he knew. Rob could not know.

When Rob’s red sports car pulled around the corner, Johnny let out his breath. With Rob, he would not have any time to think about the drawings. He would only have time to drink and be merry with whatever girls he and Rob could pick up that night.

“Jesus, Johnny,” Rob said, lowering his sunglasses as Johnny closed the door. “What’ve you done to yourself?”

“I’m fine.” Johnny forced a smile. “Do I look like I need a drink?”

“You look like you need a doctor. It’s a good thing you’ve still got your summer tan.” He put the car in drive and sped down the street. Johnny contented himself with feeling the wind whip his hair out of his face, closing his eyes so they would not dry out.

Rob glanced at him. “Did the doctors turn you into a poof or something?”

“What?” Johnny looked at him. After his accident, he had been in the hospital for just under two weeks. Rob had tried to sneak him alcohol once, but a nurse caught him. Rob later reported that he had screwed the nurse in the storage closet before leaving.

“That’s why I don’t like hospitals,” Rob went on. “You never know what they do to you when you’re not awake. Shit, you’re not gonna make me take you to Gavin’s place, are you?”

Johnny looked at him. “Gavin works in a gay bar, Rob.”

Rob shrugged. “Good. I wouldn’t have taken you anyway. It’s weird enough when I imagine what he does all night over there.” He shuddered. “Here we are.” He stopped the car in front of La Boite, a club he and Johnny had frequented for over a year.

Inside, Johnny’s head spun with the flashing strobe lights and the loud, pulsating music. He placed a hand on a table to steady himself, then followed Rob through the crowd.

“You missed some smokin’ twins last week,” Rob said as he leaned against the bar and ordered a drink for himself and Johnny. He whistled, then continued: “They were an amazing screw, let me tell you.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t, actually.”

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Rob said, smiling. He nudged Johnny with his elbow. “Come on, bud. I know you’re shy, but you’re never this shy. What’s eatin’ you?”

“I’m fine,” Johnny insisted. He took a sip of his drink. Rob seemed to like the reply – he shrugged and headed off into the crowd of sweaty dancers. It was their routine: Johnny waited at the bar, not the type to make the first move, and Rob searched the masses for that night’s fun.

He was efficient, too, and returned within minutes with a pair of girls in tight tops and short skirts. Johnny looked at them over the rim of his glass, admiring Rob’s skill: One was blonde, the other brunette. The shapes of their faces differed, so they were not sisters. Still, they seemed to go together like caramel and chocolate, and Johnny liked it.

“Johnny, this is Leah and April.” Rob indicated the brunette, then the blonde. He smiled broadly, obviously pleased with himself. “Ladies, this is Johnny.”

“Hi,” Johnny said, and they giggled.

The blonde – Johnny had forgotten her name already – turned to Rob. “He’s cute.”

“He’s got some nice scars, too,” Rob said, and Johnny watched him work. “Maybe later on, he can show you some. For now, I think we should go dance.” He slid smoothly to the blonde’s side and rested an arm around her waist. “Come on, Johnny. You look like you need to loosen up a bit.”

“I’m not really in the mood to dance,” Johnny replied, staring into his glass. His fingers were damp with condensation.

“I’m thirsty anyway,” the brunette said. She took a seat beside Johnny and ordered herself a drink, followed by the blonde and Rob.

Johnny set his glass on the bar and stared at the fog of condensation. Somewhere, he wanted to go home and sleep, to cut himself off from Rob and the club. He wanted to be safe, to not be at risk for another accident that technically killed him once.

Absently, he dragged his finger across his glass, clearing a line of condensation. From there, his finger continued without his control, moving across the glass as if it were being pushed by something inside himself. He heard Rob and the girls laughing, but did not look up from what he was drawing. As the picture expanded around the cup, he twisted it, accommodating any movement.

“You’re a quiet one.” The brunette’s voice caused him to jump, and he quickly slid his hands down the glass, erasing the vine he had drawn there.

“I’m sort of having a rough day,” Johnny replied, smiling meekly at his hands.

“Do you want to leave now?”

Johnny looked at her, with her wavy hair and big brown eyes. He pulled back the corners of his mouth slightly, hoping she would understand his reply.

– – –

Hours later – darkness had fallen. Up from the floor, from the nest of blankets and limbs, from the warmth to the cool air. Half-dressed, but somehow entirely naked, exposed but so sheltered. Found a marker on Rob’s desk – did he ever use it?

The wall, so white, so clean – light in a world covered in black. Needed to make it black, to make it match, to get the design out. Placed felt tip to cold paint, began to draw. Line after line, a bit of hasty shading, aiming for no specific style.

A knife, as if to his gut – he dropped to his knees, let go of the marker, cried out in pain. Eye closed, mouth open, muscles stiff. His hands hurt, clawed and unable to move, tendons stretched and stressed.

A voice, three of them: One called his name, two screamed, mixing with his own cries of pain. He saw nothing, felt only pain, only adrenaline pulsing through his veins. A face beside his, swearing loudly – he did not recognize its owner, or the voice. Could not hear it either way.

And then relief; his screams stopped but his mouth stayed open slightly. He balanced on his knees for a few moments as he heard another voice. Opened his eyes once, looked at the new face, recognized it as an angel as it glowed and heated his flesh.

Closed his eyes, fell asleep.

– – –

Johnny awoke stiffly the next morning and breathed in deeply as he stretched. He felt a blanket over his body, but did not remember pulling one on before sleeping. Opening his eyes, he jumped: His face was inches away from the wall. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, his right side tinged pink from sleeping on the rug.

“Jesus, Johnny, what the hell was that last night?” Rob’s voice sounded somewhere between frustration, angry, and fear.

“What do you mean?” Johnny looked at him, then pulled the blanket closer around his waist. Rob sat against the opposite wall, knees pulled up as he watched Johnny. Beside him sat Gavin, in the same position. Johnny had only ever met Gavin in passing, when Gavin left or returned to his apartment, directly beside Rob’s. They had never spoken, never so much as made eye contact. “What’s going on?” Johnny asked.

“Don’t you remember?” Gavin asked.

Rob motioned exaggeratedly over Johnny’s shoulder. “Look what you did to my wall.”

Johnny looked at the wall and immediately pushed himself away from it. Drawn in black marker in the center of the wall, a rose bloomed, its petals heavily shaded as if in twilight. An almost nonexistent stem fell down from the bud, featuring only one thorn.

“Are you okay, Johnny?” Gavin crawled toward him and moved as if to place a hand on Johnny’s back, but he stopped the gesture.

“I didn’t do that,” Johnny said.

“I watched you,” Rob said. “What’s going on, Johnny?”

“I don’t know!” Johnny yelled. “I don’t know.” He looked up at the wall again. “They’re all over my apartment. I don’t know where they came from.”

“You’d – ” The phone rang, cutting Rob off. As he stood, he said, “Probably the girls. All your screaming scared them off last night.”

“What?” Johnny looked at Gavin as Rob left the room. “What happened last night?”

Gavin sighed. “Rob told me you kicked him as you came over here, woke him up, but not all the way. He says he remembers seeing you start drawing on the wall, said something about thinking it was a dream. But then you started screaming like you were being hurt, except there was nothing near you. Scared your company away and woke me up. When I walked through the door, you just stopped and fell asleep again. That was about three-thirty this morning – Rob and I have been awake ever since, waiting for you to wake up.”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Johnny admitted. He stared at his hands in his lap. “I woke up yesterday morning and my apartment walls were just covered with these drawings.”

Gavin stood and examined the wall. “Do you sleepwalk?”

Johnny shook his head. “I don’t think so, but this isn’t that. I mean, when I woke up yesterday, I had the marker in my right hand. I’m completely left-handed; can’t do anything with my right. And I can’t even draw a straight line. There’s no way I could have done them myself.”

“It only happens at night, then?”

“I don’t know. It’s only been since yesterday.”

“You were fine last night when I covered you and gave you a pillow. You moved, but it was because I almost woke you up.” Gavin sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Johnny. Maybe your accident made something click in your brain?”

“I don’t know what to do.” Johnny closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

Gavin knelt beside him and laid a hand on his bare shoulder. “If your landlord is like ours, he won’t like the drawings on the walls. Rob and I could come over to your place today and help you paint over the drawings, and we’ll see what happens afterwards, okay?”

Johnny looked at him, with his open blue eyes. He really wanted to help – Johnny understood the reason he was Rob’s friend.

“Don’t worry about it, Johnny,” Gavin went on. He smiled reassuringly. “We’ll find a solution.”

– – –

“Shit, Johnny. You been getting drunk without me?”

Johnny knew enough to ignore Rob’s comment. He let Rob and Gavin enter first, each with painting supplies in their hands. Gavin paused in the center of the room and looked at all the walls, while Rob followed the drawings down the hall and into Johnny’s bedroom. Seeing the images again rattled Johnny, and he held his breath.

“Are you okay?” Gavin asked, noticing the way the color drained from Johnny’s face. He looked a bit closer at Johnny when he nodded in response.

“I thought you said you couldn’t draw?” Rob said as he returned to the living room. When Johnny did not answer, he changed subject: “So let’s get painting. We still have my wall to do.”

They began painting, setting tarps over the furniture and carpet. Johnny didn’t see the need for it; the drawings went around all the obstacles and did not reach the ceiling. Once Rob spread the first bit of paint on the wall, Johnny’s gut began to twist. Something inside fought to get out, to pull Rob off the step ladder and strangle him.

He shook his head to clear his mind. He could never do that to Rob, not after all the years they had spent as friends, all the nights they had shared girls until they were both too tired to move. He tried to remember the good times he had spent with Rob as he watched each stroke Rob made with the roller, but the urge to hurt him kept returning.

“Having fun up there?” Gavin asked. He smiled at Rob, paint already streaked across his face.

Rob refilled the roller. “More fun than you, I promise. How’s your brush?”

Gavin laughed and flung paint at Rob, who had left him with the regular paintbrush.

Johnny watched Gavin, unable to move his hand into the regular stroke needed to paint his section of the wall – he had not even begun to paint yet. But as Gavin spread the paint across the wall, Johnny felt nothing toward him. He had no urge to make Gavin stop, and he could not figure out why.

“I need to go outside,” he said.

“Do you feel okay?” Gavin asked worriedly. He dragged an arm across his forehead and moved to open the window wider.

“I just need to…go.” Johnny laid his brush on the carpet and left the apartment. He sat in the hallway, where it was cooler. The new air felt good on his face and in his lungs. As he took deep breaths to steady himself, he began to feel worse than he had before. The urge to strangle Rob turned to the urge to push Rob out the open window.

He took a final breath and went back inside, sharing Gavin’s wall rather than the one beside the window. He found that once he began to paint, the urges began to dissipate, so he kept going. Gavin’s close proximity would also keep him from doing anything rash if the urge became overpowering.

They managed to finish painting over the pictures by dinnertime. Rob gathered the last of the tarps from Johnny’s bedroom and Gavin piled supplies beside the door. Johnny sat on the sofa, breathing heavily. He rested his head in his hands, trying to calm himself down.

“Hey,” Gavin said. He sat beside Johnny and pulled out his wallet. “I’m going to give you my card.” He handed Johnny a business card with the logo of his workplace on the front. “You can get me at work with the number on the front, and my home phone and my cell are on the back. If you ever need anything, just give me a call. I don’t care what time it is.”

Johnny fingered the card. “Thanks.”

“Are you going to be okay here tonight?” Gavin went on. “I’m sure Rob would let you stay at his place, or you could stay at mine.”

“I’ll be fine.” Johnny forced a smile as Rob returned.

– – –

Johnny pulled his jacket closer around his body. He looked back and forth before crossing the street. The night was not chilly so much as uncomfortable: Johnny was headed to Fork’s Jubilee, the bar where Gavin worked. Something about the meaning of the place attracted him, the danger of entering somewhere he had never dared go before. He would be damned if anyone he knew saw him.

He had decided to walk, as the bar was not far from his building. Plus, no one would be able to recognize his car. Twice, he had stopped on a street corner and turned toward home, but he always forced himself to keep going.

Something began to follow him around a block from the bar. With the part of town the bar was in, Johnny would not have been surprised if it was a homeless man, looking for money for the night. Around him, empty warehouses and deserted factories were like monsters, broken windows serving as teeth and their wide expanses serving as the great belly.

Johnny began to move faster, holding his jacket even tighter around himself to make himself as small as possible. Whatever followed him drew closer and closer, imposing more and more on Johnny’s mind. He glanced over his shoulder before turning a corner and saw a shadowy mass a few yards behind him, no substance aside from its color.

He ran into someone.

“Johnny?” Gavin. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing?” Johnny asked. He glanced over his shoulder again.

“My shift just ended,” Gavin replied. “I was walking home. Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Johnny looked over his shoulder again – the shadow was rounding the corner. “Come on,” he said, taking Gavin by the wrist pulling him down the sidewalk. He could not hear what Gavin tried to say; his ears rang and his breath was almost too quick for him to keep track of.

He turned a corner and pulled Gavin through the door of an old warehouse, where he pressed Gavin to the wall to keep him from moving and making noise. Gavin’s eyes were wide – he knew something was wrong.

“What’s chasing you?” he whispered, his body frozen.

Johnny shushed him and closed his eyes as he tried to quietly catch his breath. Gavin smelled of smoke and cologne even though he was not wearing his work uniform.

“Johnny.” Gavin’s voice was almost silent, he spoke so quietly.

Slowly, Johnny turned his head to where Gavin looked. The shadow moved slowly through the open door. Now that Johnny could get a better look at it, he saw that it was around three feet tall, and simply floated above the ground. It had no definite form, and complete opacity.

“Don’t look at it.” Johnny carefully turned Gavin’s face the other direction, as Gavin gripped his wrist. “When I say, run with me.”

Gavin nodded slowly.

“Ready,” Johnny said. He watched the shadow stop just inside the door, directly beside himself and Gavin. “Go!” He pulled on Gavin’s wrist, taking him further into the warehouse. The shadow bolted after them, something Johnny noticed as he glanced over his shoulder.

Suddenly, Gavin cried out – the shadow had caught up and tried to take Gavin’s foot. Johnny pulled Gavin around and stood between him and the shadow.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Gavin replied. “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” Johnny admitted. “But I think it wants me.”

The shadow launched itself at them again, and Johnny pushed Gavin to the ground, covering Gavin’s body with his own. He watched the shadow change direction and come back, positioning itself over them.

“Roll,” Gavin said. He grabbed the collar of Johnny’s jacket and rolled him onto his back. The shadow fell into the ground, disappearing. Gavin grinned. “Dumbass thing.” He had barely gotten his words out before the shadow launched itself out of the floor and hovered over them again.

“Roll,” Johnny said, flipping Gavin onto his back. The shadow fell into the floor again. Johnny watched the spot, waiting for it to come back again, but it did not come.

Gavin laughed. “Dumbass shadow.” He clapped a hand against the concrete floor. “Serves you right.”

Johnny smiled, then looked down at Gavin. He breathed through his nose so as not to breathe on Gavin, to draw attention to the way he was staring. Gavin, his friend’s gay neighbor. Gavin, the only blonde he had truly wanted to be that close to.

As Gavin’s breathing steadied, he looked at Johnny. He followed Johnny’s gaze when Johnny looked between them, making their proximity known. His gaze changed as he noticed a difference in Johnny’s eyes: There was something animalistic there, something hostile, possessive. He touched Johnny’s cheek and opened his mouth to say something, but never spoke.

Something deep in Johnny stirred, something he reserved for the times when he needed to escape his reality. He lowered his mouth to Gavin’s, letting his breath out his nose. He buried his fingers in Gavin’s hair, shifted Gavin’s head as Gavin responded. Possession and desire blended, melted together until Johnny felt his mind slipping into Gavin’s mouth and Gavin’s soul.

– – –

Gavin stirred beneath Johnny’s hand, tried to brush him away without opening his eyes. Johnny watched Gavin’s face as he settled into sleep again, then replaced his hand on Gavin’s bare stomach and continued to draw.

They had returned to Gavin’s apartment, had tired themselves out, had fallen asleep together. Now, Johnny sat awake, one leg steepled over Gavin’s waist, the other folded against itself. He drew carefully on Gavin’s flesh with a permanent marker he had found in Gavin’s kitchen. Occasionally, he would glance at Gavin’s peaceful face, at his lean chest – but he would soon return to his drawing.

Gavin stirred again and tried to swat Johnny’s hand away. He opened his eyes and jumped slightly, saying, “Oh, it’s you.” He rested his head on the pillow and rubbed his eyes, then stretched and yawned.

Johnny lifted the marker while Gavin moved, not wanting to make a mistake on the drawing. When Gavin settled again, he continued drawing.

“What are you doing?” Gavin asked. He lifted his head to see the drawing. His chest paused for a few moments – he had stopped breathing. Centered around his navel, a sun had been drawn. Its wavy rays stretched to a dark ring, beyond which was a wider ring depicting a night sky. Around the sky, there was another dark ring the same thickness as the first.

“I’m almost done,” Johnny said. He worked on coloring the last few rays of the sun.

“What does it mean?” Gavin asked. He lowered himself onto the pillow so his stomach would not crease.

Johnny finished the last ray and capped the marker. It felt strange in his right hand, so he switched it to his left. “It means, ‘You shine like the sun even when the dark sky is full of stars.’” As he spoke, he traced the sun with his finger, then the sky scene.

“It’s beautiful,” Gavin said. “I’m afraid it’ll smear if I move.”

“I shouldn’t love you.” Johnny stared at the drawing, his words flat. “I don’t even know you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, or who I’m becoming, but I want it to stop. Every time I used to see you in the hallway, I wished you would say something to me. You’re strange and exotic, and you represent a side of me that I’ve never shown anyone. But I shouldn’t love you. Not yet.”

Gavin stared at him for a moment before speaking: “What happened last night was a freak thing, Johnny. Passion and relief culminating in one wild night. What you’re feeling now isn’t love – ”

“It is love.” Johnny looked at him. “As last night went on, I wanted more and more to just kiss you, no sex. Right now, all I want to do is kiss you or lay with you. I’ve never been in love with anyone before, but I know what this feeling is.”

He paused and eyed the marker in his fingers. “I was thinking as I drew,” he said, somewhat listlessly. “What if that shadow last night was a personification of whatever is happening to me? It started out going after me, but ended up after you. It got your foot, right? It tried to get you to stop without hurting you too badly. It wanted you the way I wanted you last night. It figured that the only way to get you was through me.”

Gavin narrowed his eyes. He rested an arm on Johnny’s leg, rubbing his back gently with his thumb. “I don’t mean to sound rude, Johnny, but that’s absurd. Why would it want me?”

“I almost died,” Johnny explained. “It found a way to get into me then, brought me back to life. I was technically dead for five minutes. It must have seen how much I was attracted to you, and wanted to see why. I think that in some ways, it’s trying to pay me back for being its host. It’s making me love you.”

“Johnny…” Gavin reached up and brushed Johnny’s hair off his cheek. “Come here.” He wrapped an arm around Johnny’s shoulders as Johnny curled up against him. “I don’t know what to tell you. I believe there’s something in you, but I have no idea what you can do about it.”

“It stops when I’m around you,” Johnny said. He closed his eyes and took in Gavin’s scent. “Yesterday, when I drew on Rob’s wall – you said I just stopped when you got there. When we were painting yesterday, I had to be near you or I would have hurt Rob. Last night in the warehouse, I really smiled for the first time in days. It’s you, Gavin. You’re the one it likes.”

Gavin kissed the top of Johnny’s head. “I believe you,” he said. “More than anything else, I believe you.”

“Thank you,” Johnny said. He let his breath out slowly, then nudged Gavin’s jaw with his nose. He wanted to savor Gavin, to make him every inch as pure as he imagined him. He brought his hand up Gavin’s chest and tilted Gavin’s face to his own, kissing him deeply.

He pulled himself away after a moment and stood from the bed. “I should go,” he said. He took off Gavin’s pajama bottoms and pulled on his own jeans, aware that Gavin watched him the whole time.

Johnny froze as he pulled his undershirt on: The door to the apartment had opened. Hastily, Johnny finished with the undershirt and began to look for his t-shirt.

“Have fun last night, Gavin?” Rob’s voice caused Johnny to freeze again, but he continued to search. “All the yelling, I thought you were fucking – ”

Johnny felt Rob in the doorway, felt the shock as he saw him getting dressed.

“ – Johnny.” Rob looked from Johnny to Gavin and back.

Holding out his hand for his shirt – which Gavin had been laying on – Johnny said nothing. He pulled the t-shirt over his head, then grabbed his jacket and walked out of the room, not pausing or looking at Rob.

He stopped in the hallway and leaned against the wall, sliding to the floor. Eyes closed, he wished he could stay with Gavin rather than face whatever was inside him alone. He wanted to force Rob to understand what was happening, but he knew that Rob could never understand, let alone comprehend what was going on.

“Johnny’s gay?” Rob’s voice drew Johnny’s attention. He imagined Rob’s face as he tried to work that into the equation.

“It’s complicated,” Gavin replied.

The answer sent Rob over the edge. “How can it be complicated?” he yelled. “You guys went at it for how many hours last night? Dammit.” He backed up and leaned against the wall, back-to-back with Johnny. “He’s really starting to piss me off. I mean, he’s seen me naked. And he’s gay. Shit.” He put his head in his hand.

Johnny stood and leaned against the doorframe, just out of Rob’s sight. Gavin gave him a sympathetic look.

“Rob, look at me,” Gavin said. He sat up and leaned against the wall. “I told you it was complicated.”

“Bullshit, Gavin.” Rob pointed at him. “It’s your fault, isn’t it? I should never have taken you to his apartment. You went over there last night and did something to him, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, Rob,” Gavin said sarcastically. “I went all the way over to his apartment, performed some faggot voodoo on him, and brought him back over here to have my way with him. That sounds like an absolutely ingenious idea.” He shook his head. “He’s your friend, Rob. Get over it.”

“I can’t.”

Rob’s words stung. Johnny closed his eyes and looked down. He glanced at Gavin, then turned and walked down the hall.

“You need to talk to him,” he heard Gavin say. “He can explain all this better than I can.”

Johnny continued through Gavin’s apartment, slamming the door as he left.

– – –

Tried to rest, to put events out of his mind. Found no solace, no sanctuary outside his angel’s arms. Stands, half-conscious. Moves down the hallway to find a marker. Ah, home in his hand, the plastic something to hold on to.

Finds a wall, starts to draw. Lines and curves, hatching, shades, shapes, forms. Merged together to form an image. Petals and craters, no real goal, no light in the dark. A rose in the moon, all that was left, all that ever would be.

And a sentence, words across the wall in a strange handwriting: Won’t leave you.

Read the line, made sure it was perfect. Blinked once, closed his eyes.

Slept.

– – –

“‘Won’t leave you,’” Johnny read aloud. He sat on his knees in the center of his floor, gazing up at the newest masterpiece on his wall. A black rose bloomed from the center of a black moon in a white sky full of black stars.

“What the hell do you mean, you won’t leave me?” Johnny yelled. He stood and glared at the wall, his teeth bared. “I want you to leave me. Get the hell out of me!” He beat a fist on the wall and let out a frustrated growl.

He lifted his hand, then – his right hand, still holding the marker. Placing the tip of the marker against the wall, his hand began to move, forming more words in the same handwriting as the first.

“Stop it,” Johnny said, finding his mouth and eyes to be the only part of his body that obeyed him. “Stop controlling me!”

“‘No where else to go,’” he read when his hand stopped moving.

He stepped away from the wall and threw down the marker. “You know what, you spirit or whatever the hell you are? I’m done. You hear me? I’m done! I’m finished. I was here first – you have no right to stay here. You have fucked up my life, and you should have let me die that night. You should have let me die in the ambulance, because it would have been better than this.”

His muscles tightened again, moved without his command. He tried to stop his movements, saying, “No. If you want to chat with me, you do it on my terms. I know you can do that. Give me my body, and you can have my arm. Common courtesy.”

He balanced precariously as his body was returned to him. Carefully, he took a few steps forward and picked up the marker, then sat I front of the wall.

The marker in his right hand lifted. Trying to help, it wrote.

“By possessing my body and drawing on my walls?” Johnny scoffed. “Yeah, right. Get out or stop controlling me.”

His hand moved again. Can’t.

“My ass, you can’t.” Johnny stood, forcing his right arm to obey him. “It took you days to do something. Why can’t you just stop? You want to stay inside me? Okay. But you have to stop controlling me. It’s not fair. It’s not fair, dammit!” He dropped to his knees and clawed at his face. “Get out of me. Find someone else. I’ll take you to a hospital if you want, just leave me alone!”

There was a knock at the door. Johnny’s landlord’s voice said, “Rent day, Johnny. Should I come back later?”

Johnny doubled over, his face nearly touching the carpet. He covered his ears and closed his eyes. “Get out!” he shouted.

“Johnny, I’m coming in.” The door opened.

Like a cat, Johnny whirled on him, teeth bared, breathing heavy. He could not control himself, could not force the entity out of his mind.

The landlord stepped back slightly. “Do I need to call the cops?” he asked. He then caught sight of the drawing on the wall facing the door. “Johnny!” he said. “I expect you to pay for that.”

Johnny felt his body move as if to lunge at the landlord, and acted as soon as he felt his feet leave the ground. He forced his body to roll and landed awkwardly against the corner of his sofa. “Call Gavin,” he managed to say. “On the fridge.”

Transfixed, the landlord processed what Johnny had said. He did not move.

“Do it, dammit,” Johnny gasped. The strain of keeping his body under his control hurt in his gut. He closed his eyes to hold back his fear.

The landlord ran to the kitchen and called Gavin, then returned and watch from the other side of the room as Johnny continued to writhe on the floor. “What’s going on, Johnny?” he asked.

Johnny let out a soft cry of pain. “Tell it you won’t hurt me,” he said.

“What?”

“Tell it you won’t hurt me,” Johnny repeated, louder.

The landlord stuttered for a moment, then managed, “I’m not going to hurt you. I won’t hurt you, Johnny.”

Johnny felt the knot in his gut loosen as the entity stopped its struggle. He breathed heavily, laying limply on the carpet with his eyes closed. Gavin was coming, he told himself. Gavin was on his way.

“I’m going to have to evict you,” the landlord said after a few minutes of silence. “I can’t have you doing this in my building.”

The knot returned, more fierce than before. Johnny cried out and began pushing the entity back again. He could not speak, his teeth were clenched so tight. He knew that if he slipped for even a second, the entity would take over and hurt the landlord, possibly kill him.

Moments later, the apartment door burst open and Gavin looked around for Johnny. He was still dressed in his work clothes, no doubt out of breath from running to the apartment. When he spotted Johnny, he dropped to his knees beside him.

Johnny felt weak, almost too weak to move. The entity was gone for the moment while Gavin was there. He felt his tears coming and could not stop them. Gavin lifted him up and embraced him, letting him cry.

The landlord left, moving to his next tenant.

Gavin rested his head against Johnny’s shushing him gently. “Can you tell me what happened?” he asked. “What did it do to you?”

Johnny held on to him, not wanting to be apart from him. He knew that if he was, the entity could come back, and he did not want to find out what it wanted. But somewhere, he knew – he knew what the entity had been after.

Abruptly, he pushed himself away from Gavin and rushed out of the apartment. Gavin followed, calling his name, but Johnny did not stop running. Running was how he would beat the entity, how he would find a way to force it to compromise with him.

He rushed down the steps and out of the building, onto the darkening streets. He did not care where he was going – he just knew he needed to run. He could not depend on Gavin forever, and hoped consciously pulling himself away would give his plan the jump-start it needed.

– – –

Hours later, Johnny walked along a sidewalk, each step careful. He had forgotten to take his jacket, and the bitter chill in the night air bit into his skin.

He knew where he was going, knew what he needed to do and say – knew how Gavin would react. But it needed to be done.

Gavin answered his door immediately when Johnny knocked, despite the late hour. “Johnny,” he said. “I was so worried about you.”

“Can I come in?” Johnny asked. Gavin nodded and he stepped inside the apartment. He took Gavin’s hand and pulled him through the living room and to Gavin’s bedroom, where he sat on the corner of the bed.

“What happened today?” Gavin asked, taking a seat beside Johnny.

“It was trying to protect me,” Johnny replied. “It wanted to hurt my landlord for evicting me.”

“He evicted you?”

Johnny nodded. He could not look at Gavin. “It’s a good thing, though. I’ve realized that my surroundings play into my mental state. Bar hopping with Rob isn’t good for me, and neither is sleeping with all those girls. It’s not worth anything. My job is not better.” He sighed. “I just need to get out of here. I need to start fresh.” He reached into his back pocket and withdrew a folded envelope. “I bought a train ticket.”

Gavin’s eyes shot to him. “Johnny, you’re not…”

Johnny nodded, staring at the ticket in his hand. “New York City,” he said. “I figure it’s as good a place as any.”

“So you’re just going to pick up and leave, then?” Gavin shook his head and looked at his feet.

“There’s nothing here to stay for, other than you,” Johnny explained. “I think being away from you would help the entity learn to back off.”

“Johnny, that’s crazy. You know that. It gets set off by the smallest things.”

“I can hold it back,” Johnny said simply.

Gavin watched him for a few moments. “If you could, would you wish me away?” he asked, his voice probing for a true answer. “Would you wish all of this away?”

Johnny closed his eyes. He wanted to reply, wanted to let Gavin know that leaving him was one of the things that hurt most. But he knew that if he said something, he would not be able to leave.

“Oh God, Johnny,” Gavin whispered.

A few minutes passed in silence, then Johnny spoke: “The train doesn’t leave until the morning.”

“I’d just wake up and you would be gone,” Gavin said. “That’s no way to end this.”

Johnny moved closer to him and leaned against his shoulder. “I don’t want to leave you,” he said.

Gavin looked at him. “I don’t even know you,” he said. “I shouldn’t love you.” He put an arm around Johnny’s shoulders. “But I do, and for tonight, I’ll let you see that.”

– – –

Johnny looked at the clock as he pulled his jacket on – it was just after seven in the morning, leaving around two hours until his train left. He sat on the edge of Gavin’s bed and gazed at his face. Gently, he reached out and trailed a finger down Gavin’s temple, brushing hair out of his face.

Gavin stirred slightly and opened his eyes a bit. He looked at Johnny, but Johnny knew he was still mostly asleep. “I’ll find you, Johnny,” he whispered, then closed his eyes. “I’ll find you.”

Carefully, Johnny stood, looking down at him. Gavin’s stomach was exposed, the faded drawing catching Johnny’s eye for a moment. He glanced at Gavin’s face one last time, then left.

At the train station an hour and a half later, he sat in one of the chairs inside the terminal. Three hours from Hartford to New York City: Three hours to think, to change his mind. No, he realized. He could not change his mind. Rob was gone. Gavin was gone. His apartment was gone. All he had were the clothes on his back and the money in his bank account.

He would survive.

The train soon boarded, and left the station twenty minutes later. Johnny stared out the window the whole time, ignoring snack carts and the arguing couple beside him. He watched trees go by, watched boats as they crossed a bridge – tried anything to keep himself calm.

The farther he got from Hartford, the more and more his stomach churned. He took a pen from his pocket and absently capped and uncapped it, aware that it was a gentle nudge from the entity. By the time he reached the station in New York, he struggled to keep his breathing steady.

He forced himself to get off the train and leave the platform. The height of the ceiling inside the station unnerved him. He found himself standing directly underneath it, staring up as people moved around him. They did not know, and they did not care, and Johnny felt naked.

“Johnny!”

The sound of his name did not draw his attention; he could not look away from the ceiling.

“Johnny!” The voice drew closer.

Suddenly, Johnny’s paranoia subsided. He looked straight ahead, directly into Gavin’s eyes. Overwhelmed, he threw his arms around Gavin, and Gavin held him in return.

“I told you I would find you,” Gavin whispered. “I’m going to protect you, Johnny. I’m going to stay here with you and make sure nothing hurts you. I won’t go anywhere, I promise. I promise you’ll never be alone again. I love you, Johnny.” He kissed Johnny.

Immediately, Johnny felt a shiver move up his spine, more a jolt than an innocent reaction. He pulled back and looked at Gavin, worried. “What was that?”

“Keep kissing me,” Gavin said, moving in again.

Johnny complied, unsure what Gavin was doing. He felt the zing in his back again, stronger this time. Then he felt Gavin’s fingers on his back, pressing gently. Pressure pried at his mind as the entity tried to get in, but it quickly subsided, then disappeared.

“What happened?” Johnny asked, looking at Gavin.

“I was thinking on the train,” Gavin replied, resting his forehead against Johnny’s. “The entity wanted to protect you. It wanted to keep you safe. And it wanted you to love me. You’ve already done the third one, but I can take care of the other two. It only existed in you to keep you happy, strange as that sounds.”

“So…it’s gone?” Johnny looked around the station. On the ceiling, escaping from an open pane of glass, a shadow floated into the sky. “It said it had no where else. What will happen to it now?”

Gavin shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it was lying for your sake? I think it’ll find someone else who needs its help, and maybe it will have learned something from you.”

Johnny embraced Gavin again, smiling broadly. “I could never wish you away,” he said.